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*anada Boy
writes:Hi,I have been married for 15 years, have two boys, aged 12 and 14. My marriage has been on the rocks since we had our second child. My wife does not show me any love, she's cold and resentful that I don't do more in our household. I try my best and will do anything she asks of me. She is a poor communicator. She expects me just to know what to do, without her asking. This is the problem in our relationship. We have almost broken up many times before, because she wanted to. I have tried many times, getting marriage counseling and that has not helped. As things are now, we are going to sell our house in the spring and get separate places.Recently, while I was on business in the Caribbean, I met a lovely lady, 15 years younger than I at a restaurant. I am age 46. We were eyeing each other for a while and she struck up a conversation with me. I joined her for a drink over at her table. She doesn't speak English, only Spanish, however her friend helped interpret. We went out, site seeing and saw each other a few times, having supper together and had one intimate encounter back at my hotel. No intercourse. During this time I told her that I was not married and had no children. I was terribly stupid telling her this and began to regret it after a day or two of seeing her, so I told her friend to speak to her about this. She now doesn't want to see me again. Yes I am an idiot for telling her that in the first place. I haven't seen or heard of her for 5 days now and I really miss her. She is so beautiful, loving, affectionate and I really wish I could be with her. I don't know how she feels, but I have asked her to forgive me. Basically my marriage is dead; I am separating with my wife next year. My friend lives in a country in the Caribbean, doesn't speak English. I'm confused, I feel love sick, down and I really miss my friend. Any ideas what I should do. I'm hoping I will hear only from people that have encouraging comments please. Thanks.Canada Boy Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I read this post more than once to make sure that I read everything correctly and will try my best to say everything with tact.First of all, not too many responses are going to be in your favor due to the fact that you are still married and have children. There are some people (including myself) that still regards marriage in a very high esteem whether you are happy or not. Just giving you a heads up. 95% of the responses are not going to be what you want to hear. I hope that you are mature enough to understand that.The most important thing that I noticed in this post is the fact that you already started off on the wrong foot. YOU LIED AND DENIED. It's bad enough that you LIED about the fact that you are married but you DENIED your children as well. I know for a fact that the majority of men will lie about their marriage, but it takes a whole different type of man to deny his children. To me, that speaks volumes about the type of man that you are. I can honestly see why your wife would resent you. If you are so willing to pretend that they don't exist for a woman you don't even know, then you probably pretend that you don't see what is needed to be done around the house. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what is needed to take care of business around the house. Why should she have to ask you? At this stage in the game, you should already know.As far as this woman is concerned, you don't deserve her. I hope she doesn't speak to you again. If she is a smart woman, she wouldn't even look at a man that looks like you because you are so willing to deny the beautiful children you made for you own selfish pursuit. Plus she may also be looking at the bigger picture. If you were so willing to deny your marriage and your children, how does she know that you won't do the same to her when you grow tired of her? We smart ladies do think of that you know.The best thing that you can do is get a divorce and let your wife finds someone who deserves her love. She already has to tell two children what to do around the house. She shouldn't have to tell a grown man, especially one that's your age, what to do. I'm quite sure she would be much happier being without you and devoting more time to the kids. I hope this will remove those rose tinted glasses and get you to think.
A
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (16 November 2009):
I'll try to be encouraging, but I have to start with the bad first, so bear with this.
Forget the other woman. She has rightfully decided that because you're married, there are too many things that could go wrong. You don't love her and you don't really miss her, you love and miss the affection that was shown to you for the first time in a while. She saw that there was obviously going to be problems, so decided it would be better not to continue seeing you. I'm afraid I agree with her.
If your marriage is truly dead, then end it once and for all. Something is eating away at your wife, and she obviously isn't talking about it. Do you still love her? If you do, then I would suggest sitting her down once more and saying to her to tell you exactly what is wrong, and what you can do to fix it. If she agrees, listen to what she has to say.
If she doesn't, then you must stop this mess now because more than anything, your children will be so confused.
I would suggest that if you do split, rather than look for another woman at the moment, focus on yourself and your boys. It will take them and you time to re-adjust to everything, and the complication of someone else so soon is enough to make it worse. Give yourself time and space and really focus on your own life and getting over your wife. Then, when you're ready and divorced (don't meet another until you've sorted that too), you'll be able to find a woman who will want to be with you for the right reasons. All the best.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I am not sure your are going to hear only encouraging things on here. I really don't know why you lied to her, with the way things are home you should of told her the truth. Now she doesn't trust you. Try and explain why you did and give her some time she might come round.
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