A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Husband's friend says my husband should b nicer to me. He said that he really likes me. He doesn't want to break us up, he says. But should I be wary anyway? He's always nice to me, teasing,ect.Hopefully he will b moving to Houston in 2 months 4 work, but in the meantime what do i do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2009): No I would never have an affair with him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): The flavour of both your posts gives me the very clear impression that you're thinking about having an affair with him. Am I wrong?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): I dunno if i have done anything 2 encourage him but I do like him. So you think that just the fact that he said those things 2 me in the first place makes him out of line? I was thinking maybe he is just nice. He has sorta flirted with me right in front of my husband. He talks to my kid and asks questions about me sometimes too.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 First of all, I wouldn't call him a "friend" of your husband. Friends don't do that. When he says your husband should treat you better, he' actually planting a seed that he hopes will begain to make him look good to you. Of course this will be at your husbands expense.
Secondly, he states he really likes you. So what! If he really didn't want to break your marriage up he would keep his mouth shut.
If he was a good friend and really saw some sort of poor behaviour by your husband he might consider talking to him. If your husband was abusive to you, this guy might go directly to you and try to give you some helpful advice or a push in the right direction. When he adds the part about liking you he throws away all his "friend" credibility.
Do you feel flattered by this attention? If you do you need to get away from this guy. If you allow him to continue after he's made it clear he desires you, you are kind of participating in the situation. The first time he flirts it might catch you by surprise, the second might confirm your thoughts but after that, once his motives are clear, you're in the ,drivers seat. If you allow him to continue, you're part of the problem.
I believe that when a stranger flirts with you it can be flattering. When a person from your inner circle of people flirts it is not really a compliment anymore but a total lack of respect for your marriage bordering on treason. The people we allow into our inner circle are supposed to be the ones we trust. That is why when they cross certain lines it's more hurtful and creepy. Certain thoughts we need to keep to ourselves.
I would tell my spouse, depending on the level of their friendship because this person is not rerally a friend. I would question what else this person is capable of and I would feel like my spouse was being trreated like a fool.
I have a question for you. Have you done anything to nurture this flattery? How extreme has it become and have you allowed any lines to be crossed or done anything that stops you from telling your husband. Have you told this guy anything about your marriage or given him reason to think his flattery is welcomed?
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (11 October 2009):
Ok, your HUBSANDS friend said this? Right there is your answer.... YOUR HUSBAND??? tell this guy to take a hike, you are in a commited relationship. Don't even think about this guy ever again. If he says anything to you or gives you attention, just drop it and move on.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
Ignore him and focus on your relationship. If it gets worse, you need to talk to your husband about it, so he can deal with his friend.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): He knows you are married, my goodness what kind of guy he is lol. Yep ignore him. If he just don't get it, tell your husband, it is easier for your husband to deal with his friend.
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