A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend. Things in the relationship were fine at first but then he started acting very strange. He started getting very jealous whenever I would hang out with male friends but said that it was because he was afraid of losing me to someone else, so I didn't really think much of it. The night I broke up with him he was on coke (which was why I left him). He got really angry and started screaming and then hung up on me. Then the texts began. He sent about 20 in the space of an hour, each one very very angry and abusive. Things like that he always thought I was ugly and that he had to force himself to have sex with me. He went on like this for a while and then finally stopped. Then it began again the next day, and again the day after that. If he really hates me as much as he says he does, then why not just leave me alone? Why waste time on someone you don't like? And might this behavior have anything to do with cocaine (which I suspect he's been using regularly)? Also, is this abuse?
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female
reader, bitch +, writes (11 October 2009):
You are being abused. He also is a drug addict. Let this guy go..... He is not a good person and should not be somebody you want to be around anymore.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
Yes, it is abuse. If you're worried at all, keep all the texts in a folder on your phone as evidence. This is not only drug related, but he is now also feeling insecure because you've left. Which was the right thing to do. Stay away from this guy and make sure a friend knows that he's doing this, just so they can check up on you and just so people know what is happening. Do not go back to this guy, do not take calls, do not meet. He has to solve his own problems, not make you part of them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): He is on drugs stay away! Your life is too valuable to be around someone that acts like that. It always starts off with them saying don't hang out with your friends, then it gets worse. I have been there before. It is your right to protect yourself, if the text keep coming and you are threatened by them you can get a protection order, if you are really worried about your safety. His actions may be drug related, but they may not either way just stay away.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): classical coke rage. Call the cops, and put an end to that crap before he becomes physically dangerous to you. Don't think he won't. Coke makes people do some crazy shit... I've seen it, and trust me, you don't want to.
Whether or not you want to blieve it (and almost nobody does in America these days) the cops are THE GOOD GUYS and you'll be doing him a favor, in the long run.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): I think that is the effect of the drug. Talk to him when he is conscious. If you love him, tell him that you are hurt by his act when he is affected by those and you want him to stop taking those. If he loves you, he will make changes and you can be there to support him emotionally.
Jealous is a good sign, it shows he cares but if it is overly, let's question ourselves, is it somehow because of your action? If there is nothing wrong with yourself, then you should talk to him about that. Because relationship won't work without trust :)
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (11 October 2009):
 Abusers often seek to control. One way in which that can be done is by isolating you from your own social circle (another is direct violence or financial dependence).
Why he is doing it, doesn't really matter because they are all to often just excuses. The end result is the same.
You adjust yourself in a constant effort to pacify him and it ends up never being enough.
If he is REALLY that afraid of loosing you, then why does he do drugs and then insult you? That ain't being afraid of loosing someone, that is being afraid of loosing the control.
While your case doesn't seem that extreem yet (although you are doubtless leaving a lot of stuff out, girls who hookup with drug addicts tend to) the combo of drug abuse and the extreme needyness/emotional abuse really give you one option.
Run for the hills. You are however still looking for excuses to go back to him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2009): Hello there, I am a male 33, I do believe this could be drug related, however it seems as if he is very insecure! I have seen alot of guys act the same way! I really cant tell you to leave him but if he is using drugs I would advise you to stay away from him until he gets help, na etc. I do wish you the best! [Edited by moderator to remove personal information]
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