A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband (we'll call him steve) for less than a year (we've been a couple for over 9 years) but i have been cheating on him with our good friend (we'll call him rick) for nearly a year and a half. Rick and his wife (call her susan) are very good friends of ours and live next door. This all started many years ago when i came to the conclusion i was bisexual. Steve and I had several threesomes with women and never had any issues with jealousy and communicated so well. This went on for several years until i found myself attracted to rick. Steve and i discussed the possibility of an open relationship and concluded that we should try it out. steve asked that i wait till he found a girl first before i go off on my own, which i agreed to do (even though he's had sex with all the girls we've had threesomes with already). unfortunately while staying at susan and ricks house one evening after having too much to drink, rick and i had sex. we never told anyone about this. Shortly thereafter i became involved with susan. steve was perfectly fine with this development as it is a woman and i suppose not threatening to him. Well, one thing led to another and i ended up in bed with both rick and susan. i told steve what had happened thinking that he would understand - considering that he is allowed to do whatever he wants. unfortunatetly he had a complete mental breakdown and hasn't been the same since. he sees no problem going home with whomever he wants but because he hasn't been incredibly successful he feels like a loser and has been throwing his negativity at me for over a year now. after some time had passed all four of us ended up together and that apparently wasn't cool with steve either because he didn't like watching me and rick together. so we stopped this all together. even though its been about a year since this occurred steve still is angry everyday and full of hate. from the very beginning we all agreed that none of us were going to leave our spouses and this was all about having a little bit of excitement in our lives. Currently i am having a wonderful affair with rick and i care very deeply for him. but i feel bad because i love susan and we are deceiving her. but at the same time i know i'm not trying to steal him away or anything. meanwhile my husband steve is a miserable asshole who only discusses the prospect of us getting a threesome on so he can boost his self esteem, or talks about how he's such a loser and hates himself, or he wants sex.He has turned from my best friend who i shared everything with to someone i try to avoid and can't talk to. Everytime we are alone all he does is talk about himself as if i am his therapist. i have no one to talk to anymore...if i try to talk about my feelings he just changes the subject back to himself and he refuses to see a therapist. now my feelings are growing for rick because i have been neglected by steve for so long. i think steve is a huge hypocrite at this point and my resentment of him is growing and growing to the point where i don't even care that he neglects me...at least he's not pissed off and irritating me...i just want him to leave me alone and let me do what i want....just like he is allowed to do whatever he wants. if it wasn't for steve this entire situation would have turned out so much better as rick, susan and i have no issues with one another. so i just live with a gigantic secret. I wish we could all just enjoy one another. I love all of these people deeply and i don't know what to do.
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affair, best friend, jealous, self esteem, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2008): i think he's just feeling insecure about his abilities...which he has no reason for. i'd love to get a man's advice on this since it seems to me to be an issue with performance and competition. how can i make him comfortable and confident with himself? i think that would help alot. and this weekend was great. he does seem to be feeling better slowly but surely. also, i married him cause i love him....im not just going to dump him...thats pretty short sighted. i made a commitment i intend to keep. furthermore he's not a villian. he's a good man. its funny that he's being called the selfish one when i'm the one having the affair here.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2008): You and Steve don't have any kids, right? Dump him. He refuses to get help so you don't really have any other choice- unless you want to continue to listen to his constant moaning. Life is too short to waste on listening to some selfish man groan about what a looser he is. It's not your job to fix another person. Since he doesn't want to get help, he doesn't want to change. Nothing you can do about it except move on with your own life.
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A
female
reader, type4help  +, writes (20 September 2008):
 Seems like you 4 have all had too much fun! And now it has left your husband devestated, and maybe a bit insecure, maybe whilst he's talking to you he's trying to tell you, but it doesn't seem like that. maybe you should both go see a marraige councilor and talk over whats happened, and try and overcome your differences and work together at this marriage! As for Rick, it seems like he's more of a re-bound to you, because you don't feel like you're getting attention off of your husband, so you're going to Rick, but this isn't the solution.It may feel right, but you'll live to regret it. I would try and talk things over and make your husband listen to how you feel.good luck sweet xx
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (19 September 2008):
 Wow. Sounds like Steve really can't handle seeing another man have sex with you and that seems to be the final issue.
He can watch a woman and you get it on and he can do another woman in front of you but when you threw Rick in the mix he seemed to freak out. Which is normal when you love someone.
I think he needs help to heal the damage that seeing you and Rick did to him.
When I mix love and sex and share people and others get hurt its such a sad situation.
I don't know much about sharing as I have never been involved in it but I feel for all of you.
I am so sure you will get some good advice on this site.
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A
female
reader, GirlyonFire  +, writes (19 September 2008):
This is a very colourful story! with many different pictures painted, yet I don't know what to tell you. all I can do for you is listen, i guess.
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