A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have been married for 4 years, and together with my husband for the past 7, and I gave birth to our baby boy last September. My husband has been unable or unwilling to have sex with me for the past 3 years on and off, and since I was 8 weeks pregnant he just stopped completely. I felt sorry for him as I thought he had real repressed anger/emotional problems and was very stressed by his failing business, but now I know he has been serachign for women on internet dating sites and aslo has confessed to using sex with prostitutes throughout our marriage. Our son is now 9 months old and I am incredibly hurt that he has treated me so meanly while I was pregnant, and since the birth he has been more and more bad tempered, controlling, uptight and nasty. Should I stay with him? He thinks we have a problem in our 'relationship' , not just one of his own. I am very sexually frustrated and would love to be with a man who actually finds me attractive, which many men do, but I am scared of being single and nearing 40...?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt kat  +, writes (20 September 2008):
Dear Anonymous,
I can empathize with you. I found out 3 months ago that my current husband, to whom I've been married for 12 years (and lived with for 6 years before that) has been seeing prostitutes regularly for all but two years of the last 30. I am still devastated, and haven't decided whether or not to stay with him. He is in counselling for sex addiction, and I
'm doing counseling as well. Your guy seems like pretty much of a jerk, and you are young enough that you will definitely be able to find a loving guy who treats you better. But you don't have to decide right away. I would insist that your guy get counseling immediately. There are lots of groups for sexaholics, which arepatterned after AA, and help sex addicts admit and deal with their problem. There are also support groups called COSA, or A_anon, for partners of ssex addicts. There are also websites dealing specifically with sex addiction, if that is his problem. If he is unwilling to ask for forgiveness and go to counselling, you will be much better off without him. ( My first husband left me when I was pregnant with my fourth child, and I found many good guys to date. Good luck, and write me if you want to.
A
female
reader, disillusion  +, writes (16 August 2008):
My husband of 10 years went to several prostitutes 2 years ago and never imagined I would find out which I painfully did and the pain has not receded one wee bit.We have two lovely kids,a great home and good careers.He has performed all sorts of intimate acts with them like kissing and oral sex which I .find disgusting.To add to the misery. he goes and falls in love with one of the whores and professes love and promises to get married to her after taking my children along with a divorce.She in turn has promised not to have children of her own and to take care of mine.He now says he didn t mean anything he told her and has promised me it won t happen again.But every time my hurt spills out. he hits me up and tells me taht I either never talk about it or else quit the marriage.I m confused as to what to do as I can t trust him anymore
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2008): It depends. Does he want to change? Do you both want to get to the root of your problems and make this marriage work? If either of you are not willing to put in that effort, it is best to end it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): Leave him, no way do mne like that change, and it sounds like he does not even recognize how selfish and mean-spirited his behaviour is. What sort of a man chooses to visit whore and have fake experiences rather than love his wife when she is having thier first child? He does not deserve you, and you must be strong or he will walk all over you again.
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A
female
reader, Artemesian +, writes (22 June 2007):
 You are worth more than this. If you are single it means you can find yourself another man who is worth giving the time of day to - and you can focus on your precious child who is innocent in all of this and needs a better home than the one around his father. Jenii made some very good points at being careful about how you might leave - definitely take heed of them!I hope you make the right choice for you and you son, and find yourself a much happier life.
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A
female
reader, miss fit  +, writes (21 June 2007):
this guy sounds like he would like to be in a relationship with you but can't make the effort, and lifes too short for people who aren't worth it. as for being near 40, people older than that have found "the one". . .
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Woah anonymous answerer, there's no need to be so harsh. It's bound to be difficult for her - she's married to him and he's the father of her baby. Less of the harshness please.
You do what you believe is best for you and the baby lovely, don't listen to people who have no concept of the situation you're in. xx
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A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Yes, you should.
DV1
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A
female
reader, Jenii  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Dear anonymous,
There is a high possibility that if you leave your husband he will do most things to get you back. Please don't be scared of being alone, you will not find all you need by keeping yourself in a theoretical safety box. Whether you get back with your husband or find someone better or stay single and date, it does seem that time finding yourself is what you need. If you do decide to leave then be careful how you may tell your husband, if he shows signs of control and aggression then I would really advise one of three things.
1). Have a friend or family member help you move
2). Just go and leave details that you are getting space
to think and who he can contact you through.
3). Gently suggest you need some space to think and offer
him time away.
With Warm Wishes
Jenii
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Single at 40 is a much happier prospect then unhappily married at 40. If the marriage is not working then have the courage to do what is right for you, and your child who will suffer if brought up in an unhappy family. xxx
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24 +, writes (21 June 2007):
Honey, you would be so much happier if you left him.
He's messing you about and by seeing prostitues while you were pregnant and looking up girls to date online... well that's just waayy out of order and shows he has no respect for your marriage so why should you have any respect for a man who treats you this way??
I think it's time to leave him... if he comes back tell him that he had a number of chances to stop himself and he didn't and he had his chance with you and he blew it big time.
I'm sure you'd be happier being single, there are loads of guys your age that would love meet up with such a caring lady! Men with more respect for women. There are men out there who've probably been in a difficult relationship with their wives and had to break up and had the same kind of worries about looking for ladies and being single so you have no worries there! If you leave him you'll be so much happier and your child will be in a better environment.
Look after yourself.
x
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