A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Recently I found out my husband has been emailing photos of himself in underwear to another man.I was emailing a friend we haven't seen for a long time some photos of our recent holiday, checked the outbox to see if it had sent, and was stunned to discover he had been emailing photos of himself in underwear to this guy called "Nigel" (our email address is a shared one!)I confronted him about it, but he said "It's none of your business. Can't a guy get some form of relaxation?"If this is his form of relaxation, i'm worried about him.I asked him if he was gay or bisexual, but he said no way, he loves me. Well if he loves me he's got a funny way of showing it.How can I deal with this?? I'm getting upset thinking about the incident.We've been married for 2 years now - and life was good up until now.I'm upset and worried, please help me!!!
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female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 When a man says to his wife or partner - it's none of your business - he is just bricking it as he has been found out.
Silly really as he hasn't really tried to hide it very well.
When a man sends pictures of himself in underwear to another female I would be suspicious but to another man I would be seriously worried.
There are most definitely issues going on here.
Check back on the outbox and see if there is any more.
The fact that he does not want to talk about it he is doing the normal male reaction when confronted, he is going into his cave. Women talk and men retreat.
Tell him that unless this is discussed properly i.e. perhaps with a counsellor of some sort you are seriously concerned about your future together as you need to know what is going on in his mind as you thought you were enough for him but this whole thing has opened up a whole can of worms and they just won't go away.
If he still refuses to talk then take drastic steps, visit a relative or friend even overnight and try to think everything through. Ask someone close to you about their opinion of your husband and confide in someone you know you can trust.
This cannot be left as it will fester and that will most definitely destroy your relationship.
Best of luck, here anytime OK.
BFN
Country Woman
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2007): Hi love,
I was married to a man who did all sorts of strange things like this, as you did i found out one day by just pressing the wrong button on the computor, i was never really allowed near it just for my mail but i got something much more than mail!!! I didnt say anything at first as i wanted to get more evidence if you want to call it that as i new he would just blaa blaa me a bunch of crap.. in the end i had enough to make my toes curl and my heart sink. I think i no how your feeling, you really have to talk with him and tell him how very upset this has made you. I agree with bubbloo24 100% you have to decide what is best for you hun, ive only just been able to look at a computor again it was that bad and i wouldnt want anyone to feel the way i did TAKE CARE MUCH LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (21 June 2007):
 Gosh, what a situation!
I don't understand why he would be sending this man such pictures of himself if there wasn't anything weird about it.
I think you need to sit him down and talk to him about it. Tell him that you are concerned about the emails. He should have more respect for the vows of marriage. If it's upsetting you, he should be man enough to stop it all as he cares about you. But if he knows your upset about it and he doesn't do anything about it... I'm not sure he has enough respect for you to make this marriage work as it could continue and unravel and then make you really paranoid about what he's doing and what he's up to etc.
Talk to him about it and then based on his reaction (to stop the emails or not) decide on what's best for you.
Good luck xx
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