A
female
age
36-40,
*oingnuts
writes:Recently my ex and I have been going up and down. We haven't talked or seen each other in three weeks. The last time we talked we had arranged to hang out. But he called and told me he didn't want me to like him anymore, he didn't want me to need him, and we couldn't be best friends anymore. Slap! We argued a little about that and he ended up meeting me somewhere for lunch. So confusing! And frustrating! Why would he tell me that, then come meet me for lunch? I was kind of mad but I just kept quiet about it; and when we left lunch he asked for a hug, so I gave him one. Whenever my friend asks him about us hanging out, he gets kind of mad; I'm not sure why, it's not like a secret or anything. So it's been a while since we had that lunch, and I saw him again for the first time the other day. I got really nervous and didn't say anything to him at first; but he talked to me and was really friendly and nice to me. I don't want to blow things out of proportion; but when we were saying goodbye he lingered around and waited for me to say bye before he left. When I did, he just kind of smiled and walked away. I'm not sure if he still has feelings or not; but my head is telling me he does. What do you think?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aec6484 +, writes (25 October 2008):
My honest answer from a similiar situation is that he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He likes having the idea of you, but not all the work it actually takes to have you. Not that the work is bad, any relationship takes work. He likes all the good things he got from being with you without actually having to put any of his own time in. One thing I can guarantee you is that he isn't spending near as much time worrying about you, as you are worrying about him. If you want results you have one option, and if you're tired of dealing with the b.s. you have another. First, if you want to be with him, and want results...ignore him. Casually say hi if you see him out, but don't answer his text messages, and if you return his calls, don't be too interested if you reply. If he's interested at all about having anything with you, as soon as he realizes you won't be there when HE NEEDS YOU, he'll learn to stop taking you for granted. And if things do work out, don't be so available when you get back together. Men, as sick as this sounds, love to be pursued and love to pursue. Women like to feel needed and wanted. Men want to have to work for your love.
Second, my best advice???? Leave the bastard. If you spend this much time worrying over a jerk that doesn't want you, imagine how much better it would be to have that thought returned. Leave a loser that doesn't want to spend his time with you and find somebody who is as worried about you as you are about him. I promise in the end it will be worth it. I left my loser two years ago and am now happily married to a man who loves me without a doubt in my mind. I know that it is hard to let go of the ex, but the happiness that you will find because of it is well worth it in the end. Good luck whatever you do, I wish you the best.
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