A
female
age
41-50,
*lc83
writes:My husband and i have been married for almost 2 years now, but together for almost 6. We also have a duagter. We have always had great sex life, full of adventure. I was up to anything really. Within the past few months though, he has really dropped in interest. I thought at first it was the birth of our daughter. Then once she got older, i thought it was just work and normal stress of day to day life. I've always know he's watched porn to some extent, but it has only gotten worse. He watches it on the computer and his phone. I have caught it several times and confronted him and he just tries to make light or appoligize and say he's done. Each time he continues to go back to it and lie to me about it. I have always had good self esteem, but now i'm starting to doubt myself. i have asked him if i could do anything more with myself, he's said no. I've asked him to stop, and he says he will. I don't know what to do or say to make him realize how important it is to me and our marriage for him to stop. Please, any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
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porn, self esteem, sex life Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Porn is a BAD thing!!!. Imagine your husband is fantasizing about havingsex with other woman. He is creating adultery in his heart. watching porn is cheating and eventually it will en your relationship. Noone deserves to feel worthless. Porn addicts like all addicts relapse at one point. I could no longer trust him after lieing to me more than once. Theres nothing wrong with you. theres something wrong with him. His lustful behavior will lead to ur depression and the end of ur relationship.
A
male
reader, stubby1984 +, writes (13 November 2010):
 sexy outfits such as lingerie and costumes dont do n e thing for me idk if thats the case for the two of u. have u tried asking him to stop sneaking around with it and come to u when he feels the urge to watch then the two of you could enjoy it together.
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A
female
reader, Piper101 +, writes (10 November 2010):
Therpay, he has a porn addiction. That is the reason he lost interest in you sexually, Not because he's unhappy with your appearance. I disagree with most of the posts. Buyting sexy lingerie, creams, oils, wigs, whatever will NOT work. In fact it may make it worse b/c then he knows you're trying too hard, which will create alot of guilt on his part. Guilt and shame will only propel the action more. It's a cycle.
He needs help to stop the addiction. After viewing so much porn the mind gets addicted to beautiful women which makes him less interested in someone normal. "Normal women" are no longer desireable. Porn can destroy marriages. He needs to stay away from the porn and get his head back into the relatiomship. I would advise a keylogger and track exactly what hes doing and theres no refuting it, once you confront it. It may be a bigger problem than you realize. Porn addiction is on the rise and literally destroying, once happy marriges. Good Luck
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A
female
reader, ahiggins2007 +, writes (10 November 2010):
I know exactly what you are going through. I am going through the exact same thing. I am at my wits ends also and the "spicing things up" isnt working for me either. I bought sexy lingerie and had it on when he came home from work and he looked at me said hi and went and made something to eat and then got in the shower. That crushed me. Let me know if you have found anything that works because at this point I am willing to try anything
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A
female
reader, sugarcandy +, writes (9 November 2010):
Listen, I'm in the SAME place as you.. and I've racked my brain trying to come up with ways to spice things up.
One thing that I found works (it sounds a bit silly though but hear me out) - buy a few different kinds of wigs; nothing fancy.. they have them for as cheap as 20 bucks. Get bob cuts, long hair with bangs, waves what have you etc.
Dress up in a way you never would before, do your make up differently - if normally you wear natural colors, go for bold black eyeliner and red lipstick. Throw in an accent.
And surprise him with that. I've found this works and my bf always says he feels like he gets to be with different girls, but really it's me and it's the best of both worlds.
If you want to take it a step further, go somewhere - to a bar or lounge, and tell him to meet you there at a certain time, and walk right up to him, but tell him he has to play along with you two being complete strangers.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, klc83 +, writes (9 November 2010):
klc83 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo thank you for responding. I would like to adress a couple of things said. As for spicing things up, i have done a lot. I bought the lingerie, costumes, creams, lotions, oils. We've taped ourselves too. We have even watched pron together before, i didn't mind when we were together. It's the sneaking around that bothers me. Maybe i'm overeacting, but i can't help to feel bad sometimes. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (9 November 2010):
 I disagree with everything all other posters have said so far. Yes porn is a bad thing, it is far too easy for someone to get addicted to it and it has ruined many marriages and made many loving wives feel worthless. No porn has nothing to do with what you do in bed and not all men are strongly driven by sex.
Your husband may be addicted which is why he so willingly lied to you about it. He may or may not be addicted but asking will not help as he most likely will not admit to it. Still, I think it is worth it to at least try and sit him down to talk about it. Let him know that it is hurting you, because you feel as though you are not enough and you are tormented by his lies, lies that tear at the seams of the trust that is supposed to be holding this relationship together. The wounds are not so deep yet but if he persists in his deceitful acts, he will but drive the ethereal blade deeper and deeper until it pierces the heart of your love and one day, you will not be able to take it anymore. It is a problem, you have to make him promise you that he will not watch porn anymore, if he does, spare yourself the future pain and leave him because not all men are driven to watch it for their own personal pleasure. Do not let him dissuade you from thinking that this is wrong, it is and he will no doubt try to tell you that it is all right since all men do it. He is wrong.
I hope that helps.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): Watching porn isn't a *bad* thing- he isn't going out and being with another woman, and telling him to stop, will not change anything. If he wants to watch porn, he will watch it.
However, try peeping at what type of porn he enjoys - a particular position, or act, or dress up etc. and one day surprise him with it!
You have to keep the spice in your relationship.
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A
male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (9 November 2010):
Well, I completely understand unfortunately your marriage is become like most marriage to where one or both parents disengages or isnt interested in sex. Man are programed differently than women we live in a soceity where men are rewarded for having a large number of sexually partner and vise-versa for women. The only thing I can suggest is try to spice up your sex life. Like get some sexy lingeria and try something new and excited. Try whippped cream, chocolate, etc and thing that is different and new. The compassion you guys used to have is fading away it happens. Here is what you can do go rent a porno and watch it with your husband that will really turn him on and then right when it gets to the good part cut it off and lead him into the bed or do foreplay on the couch but just turn it off before it gets to the actually sex by then you showed be wearing something sexy. You can also try video taping yourselves having sex and watch it together. The only reason why that your husband maybe acting like this is 1. because he doesnt find you attractive(unlikely) 2. he is bored with you current sex life 3. he has problem preforming(unlikely you would have notice) 4. he is cheating(again unlikely you would have notice. A man is a very sexual creature men need their needs satistified there one way or another in your husband cse porno. But I personal think your husband is bored with you sex life but I am not a professional and my opinion should not be taken seriously it is only advice the best course of action is to seek counseling from a professional but I do hope this helps.
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