A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was eight years old when I first met my Uncle. My heart pounded and I loved him immediatly. I heard rumors that he was only my father's half brother and hope glimmered that he was adopted etc. I felt dirty a lot of times but, he was so amazing, feelings grew anyway. I only let go when I reached high school and forced myself to date someone and I loved him for 4yrs. Then, I saw him again. This time, I held myself together, closed my heart. I forced myself to forget. But, out of the blue I emailed him after 3yrs and he responded-telling me about his projects and wanting me to see what he's up to. He always signs using his first name."Love, *" and tonight it was "Love you, *" I'm 95% over him. He knows my secrets, my flaws-was my best friend when I was an outcast. He told me I'd forget him when I grew up. I confessed I loved him. He told me it would go away. It hasn't. The guy I loved, I dated cause he reminded me of him. The guy I see now has the same looks. Help. How do I leave these sinful feelings behind?
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female
reader, sugarcandy +, writes (9 November 2010):
Do you think that perhaps he's just saying "Love *" and "Love you" because he is your relative after all..? and not because he has feelings for you?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank you both for taking the time to respond. But, I forgot to mention that my feelings are not exactly sexual, if given the chance I would never engage in anything with him and vice versa. That's why this bothers me so, these are feelings that have nothing to do with weird physical urges. I figured if they were, it'd prove I was insane/ill and therefore, able to escape blame. Love-Wisely, I can't thank you enough. You made me feel better and furthermore, advised me on the last step to take to get over this once and for all. It won't be easy but your words have given the push I needed. Thank you for that. Anonymous, I didn't sexualize him at 8, however you are right in that he's not a man I'm free to think of.
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (9 November 2010):
 As freaky as it may sound, I think the feelings themselves are not that unusual. Some people are extremely unique and amazing. I think you first have to forgive yourself, because guys are few and far between.
An impressionable young girl is actually lucky to find a male worth looking up to. Nothing wrong with being attracted to men that remind you of his better qualities. Too many times, people have terribly low standards when it comes to romance. Consider your childhood crush for him a chance to avoid that particular form of heartbreak.
If you are 95% over him, keep your focus on the nonsexual qualities you admire. Restrict your contact to occasional updates until you are romantically 100% over him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2010): it saddens me completely to read of a child of 8 sexualising her thoughts and precociously fantasising about a man old enough to be her father. Half brother or full brother is irrelevant. Your Uncle is out of bounds to you sexually. You are older now, it is such a pity that emotionally you are still that 8 year old girl. Thank God that your Uncle was not disreputable when you had this crush on him. Your father's brother is not the man you should fantasise about. Life your standards out of this potential cess pool.
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