A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together 6 years, married for 5. We have 3 children. About 2 months ago I call him while he was out with his friends and instead of pushing end on the cell he push talk by accident. I heard him getting it on with a girl while his 1 month was sick. He came home and told me all kinds of lies. I believed him until a few days later I found numbers in his wallet for two girls which I called them and they told me he was at one of there house that night. I had a break down to the point that ambulance had to be called. After the shock wore off I decided to investigate further in which I found 10 other girls numbers. I was in shock. Some were co-operative but others were arrogant and cursed me out when I asked about my husband. I heard(through a tape recorder i planted in his van) my hubby telling his friend at work that all the girls I called should have cussed me off. I also heard him talking on an unknown cell at work telling a woman if anyone calls for him tell them she doesn't know him and how he's at the police station. He used to have a cell phone until I said I was gonna hold it for a day then he grabbed it and threw out the car window from my hands. I also came to find the same place he got his prepaid phone, he went back there to a guy and told him to change the name and password so i would not be able to see the bill online. He told the stranger his business so the guy would help him. The other day the guy working there cussed me off because I told him I know what he did for my husband and my husband turned his back and walked away. He even hit me. When I found out at first that he changed the name I was furious. I called him at work and asked him about it. I hear all of the guys he's working with laughing at me. I then sped to his workplace and when I got there I found my husband about to leave with his friends. When I got there they were all making fun of me and I began to cuss them off. I, then approached my husband he took our van and he drove away leaving me at his workplace crying hysterically. He then went to the Mall and asked the same guy at the cell phone place how I found out and the guy told him he changed the password as soon as I started asking about the phone number(heard everything through cell phone spy). I want to know what he's hiding on that bill. The other day we went to a marriage counsellor and his mouth was over flowing with lies. The next night when he was alone with me he tells the so-called truth(not everything, just one truth). Right now, I am sponsoring him to get his documents as a permanent resident(ungrateful) if I leave and get help I will no longer be able to help him to stay here. If he doesn't stay here then I wouldn't be able to take him to court and if he goes back to his country he wont be able to give me financial support. I dont want to jeopardize my children from not having there father around either. He exhibited all the signs of a cheater for a long time and he still does. I have no family or friends. He shows no remorse for anything. I feel he has another phone at work he calls them on. I feel completely and utterly hurt and trapped. He lies to me about the most unnecessary things. Please agony what should I do in this hopeless situation. Do u think he is in love with someone why he is protecting his cell phone bill?
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male
reader, Jamen Somasu  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 You need to get the police involved with this right now while you still can. The longer this goes on, the worse it looks on you. When you do that, the courts will force him to stay here AND give you financial support. Between a bad father and no father, it is far better to have no father. Where is he from BTW?
AH! Whatever you do, do not let him in the house.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): Oh dear. Why do you care what is on that bill? It is as over as it can be. The guy has no respect whatsoever. Even people around him have no respect towards you. Get away from that worm hall while you can.
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A
male
reader, Philips  +, writes (20 April 2011):
 You have problems with your husband, but you are also dependant of him, and if you leave you can't sue him. What a dilemma. First get concrete proof that he is cheating, then divorce and sue him for child support. How stupid i am. He will not be there if you divorce him.
So i guess you should either stand on your own feet for yourself and your kids and go to work. Or stay with him and endure him distroying your inner self. About 10 years later when you look at yourself in the mirror, you'll see an empty person.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 April 2011):
 Wow. I am so sorry you are in this situation with this awful man, no-one deserves to be treated the way he treats you.
All I can say is that you MUST leave, regardless of anything he has hit you and he is a danger to your safety, which means he is also a danger to your children's safety. You cannot stay with this man, anything is better than staying with him.
All I can suggest is you visit a lawyer or contact a domestic violence helpline, there will be things you can do to make sure you get your financial support. But you need proper legal advice or advice from a women's refuge who will have lots of contacts with charities who can help you for free.
But please, whatever you do, dont stay with him. Enough is enough now, both you and your children will be far better off without this awful man in your lives. Get some legal advice, and then get out, as fast as you can.
Good luck!
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