A
female
age
30-35,
*ujubie
writes:I have been talking this guy and we have been keeping it cool. I spent the night at his place twice but we have only done oral. So I was with him and his best friend we had all been drinking and his friend asked us if we were staying the night since I had to take my dude home if we weren't I didnt want to drink a lot. So I figured that we would stay since he poured me another drink. As the night went on his friend questioned us about our sex life and since we hadnt had sex I said nothing but I did say I wanted to. it was basically like I gave him permission. but he didnt really say anything. Then i went and talked to his friend in his room because he wanted to help me out by giving me advice about how to coax him to do it... But when we came out he was trying to leave he said he was going to walk home and I was pissed because 1) he lived far away 2)i had to take him home 3) i wanted to at least cuddle but no. So long story short i was pissed took him home, asked him if he wanted to have sex with me and he said he didnt know which made me even more pissed because well you either do or you dont.I went back to his friends house to sleep for the night and his friend and i ended up having sex. Now i dont know what to say to the dude i was talking to... I feel like a super bitch. but it isnt like we were together but the fact i feel bad must mean something, but I dont regret sleeping with the other dude either... Now he used to message me everyday and he hasnt at all and it has been about three days. What do i do??
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male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave  +, writes (16 April 2011):
The probable reason he may be ignoring you is because you slept with his friend. There is not a lot you can do except give him a bit of space and time to cool down if he is angry.Leave it a week or two and if he hasn't contacted you, get in touch again. If you don't get any response, then as in my first reply, see it as a lesson learnt and move on.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (16 April 2011):
You should let the guy alone for a while. He is obviously mad at you, maybe he didn't even liked it when you went to talk with his friend to another room. Maybe he thought you were trying something on his friend.Funny thing is you ended up having sex, but hours later.I don't know which kind of guy he is. Some guy don't like to slip around nor one-night-stands. Maybe he was a little disappointed. If that was the case, he won't like to know what you did later. And maybe by this time he already knows. Do you reckon his friend will tell him?
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A
female
reader, Jujubie +, writes (16 April 2011):
Jujubie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwordlywise- I don't think it was meant to be a set up im just very open and people are curious. But I still want to hang out with the guy I was talking to and now he is acting strange. Welsh Uncle Dave-I wasn't drunk but i was pretty tipsy, but it could absolutely be that i was rejected by the guy i wanted and since the other guy wanted me... but the thing is i am not even really attracted to the guy i slept with. I mean he is really good looking but he is not my type. and like i said now the guy i liked is ignoring me, but i havent been like bothering him with tons of messages or anything. how can i fix this without more of a mess?
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A
male
reader, anonymous_jp  +, writes (16 April 2011):
im assuming you arent used to having a no as an answer with sex so you get frustrated and confused with this guy who isnt having sex with you. understandable. i think this dude gets jealous that you take his friend into that room to talk because he thinks you guys are doing something else... and gets hurt so he tries to leave. (maybe) he didnt want to have sex coz he isnt ready to or feels insecure or something so without asking whats wrong you sleep with his friend :/honestly, in my opinion, it was very bad judgment to sleep with this newer guy and you can never in your life take it back. the main thing and most important thing you need to know is why he wouldnt have sex with you. now youll have to tell him that you slept with his friend. and you will have to before trying to move ahead with this guy.if im right, damn i feel sorry for the original guy. be honest or this will get way messy,good luck
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A
male
reader, Welsh Uncle Dave +, writes (16 April 2011):
Would the same have happened if you weren't drunk?
Even though you don't regret sleeping with this guy, it seems like you did it on the rebound of getting rejected from the guy you actually wanted to sleep with.
See it as a lesson learnt in life and move on.
That could well mean with either of them, it could be with the one you wanted or the one you ended up with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Sounds a bit messy, you probably feel bad cos it wasn't that you wanted either man - you just wanted sex - they knew it too
So now you've had sex with his friend and the b/f probably thinks that you won't be needing him to provide it - he doesn't sound that into you anyway and you proved to him that all you were after was physical.
In my world b/fs mates don't interrogate me about my sex life so that night sounds like a 'set up' - be careful
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