A
female
age
36-40,
*lexia846
writes:is it possible to loose sexual attraction to someone? I was in a relationship for five years it ended because he was too verbally abusive."ur fat, the "b" and "c" word and all that nasty stuff.Anyways months have passed and he has been dying to come back, but i dont find him sexually appealing anymore? is this normal? I mean emotionally I still have some form of wounded feelings there but as far as anything sexual, i dont even fantasize about it anymore. instead I ran into a classmate that is much older an nicer, and i find him much more sexually appealing. even though he is not that great looking, his personality is so nice i cant stop fantasizing about him. My question is, can sexual attraction come and go? and even though my ex wants to come back to my life, is the sexual attraction gone forever? Even though he is begging to come back i have no sexual interest at all, in fact im not comftable to go back, but yet i myself willing to go and sleep with someone else. My ex was the only man i was with, he is 30 i am 25, but ironially i feelso much more attracted to other "nicer" men. Are these feelings okay? I have never been with anyone else, and i was wondering what ppl thought of the situation, its been a year since we broke up and i have not ha sex with anyone, but yet im willing to sleep with someone fresh, yet i cant even bear the though of me and my ex even kissing!y do i feel guilty i mean he was the one that broke my heart? and does sexual attraction ever come back
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broke up, kissing, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (17 April 2011):
 Don't let him second guess your choice to be without him. stay strong, and you'll find a better guy for you that respects you!
A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (16 April 2011):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso why do i feel like i have to make a decision? i feel so lost but he wants to come back desperately but i doubt he will take me back if i date someone else.. i feel so lost? and i feel betrayed by him
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A
female
reader, alexia846 +, writes (16 April 2011):
alexia846 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionguys thanks i often felt guilty about not being attracted anymore because at the end it was not my fault he left me, and didnt care and now that he is back it doesnt feel the dame..y should i feel guilty if he was a supppper jerk
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic  +, writes (16 April 2011):
my advice to you would be so simplenever make a relation with some one you are not sexually attracted to maybe in the beginning when we are young we find our selfs falling in love with people we dont really find sexybut as the years pass and we get olderwe find our selves sexually deprived and dying to have sex with someone whom we find sexyand then we usually end either cheating or dumping and hurting the people we once loved so muchGood Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): Sexual attraction probably wont ever return for your ex. Whatever it was you used to find attractive about him has gone now. So trying again with him wouldnt work because you would have to pretend feelings for him and thats not a healthy way to live. He most probably only wants you back because no one else can put up with his verbally abusive behaviour. Thats never atrractive in people. Enjoy the feelings of attraction you have for the new guy. You are a free woman and can like, fancy and love who you want. You sound as if you are uneasy with your feelings for the new guy because of your ex. Please dont let him have any power over you. Hes not a good person and he should get over himself and leave you alone now. You deserve to be with someone who treats you like a princess. Your ex couldnt do that because he didnt care about you or your happiness. His way of showing his feelings was to use you as a verbal punchbag. Nasty! So dont be tempted to go back or feel guilty for wanting to be happy and treated well. Try and move on properly and leave your ex where he belongs. In your past.
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A
female
reader, followtheblackrabbit  +, writes (16 April 2011):
 Of course, hon. In fact, I'm quite glad that you're no longer attracted to your ex, forgive me, but he sounds like moronic, butt-headed, insensitve dog-dung. Your feelings are perfectly fine, embrace them. Your experienceing beatiful feelings now: the rush of viewing another man as a possible lover, a partner. Gosh, the feeling of attraction is powerful, beautiful. I am SO happy you're attracted to nicer men. I hope you never again fall for a jerk. The guilt though is normal too, if you've only ever been with your ex, some weird feelings come up...it's strange but you might even feel that you're been unfaithful or "bad" for being entranced by this other man. Stomp those feelings down. Write them down on a sheet of paper and burn it up. don't rush into anything sexual with this man just yet though. Enjoy the fantasy first. Enjoy the excitement. But never, ever rush. Life is too short to rush, savor sweet moments...like how your heart races at the thought of him. As for your ex, don't feel like you have to go back because he was your first love. You don't. He did NOT treat you wonderfully and so, he can now live with that regret. It was his choice to be a jerk, not yours. When I left my ex after four years, I felt guilty sometimes for leaving and even guiltier for the passion I felt from kissing another man's lips. But, I got over it. So will you. Best of luck with your new life
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (16 April 2011):
That sounds completely normal and reasonable to me. Generally, it's not a turn on to be degraded by someone who is supposed to love you. I think that it's impossible to fully separate the emotional pain from the lack of sexual attraction, but that SHOULD happen, he SHOULD repulse you because he is not good to you, you're lucky that your brain is creating that dissociation, most people know they're being treated badly but stay because they are till attracted, so you're lucky. It also makes sense that you would WANT to be with a man (socially,sexually, any way) who makes you feel good/happy/good about yourself.That sounds like a much healthier relationship. You sound concerned that you're just leaping into this next possible relationship, but that's good. It sounds like you're ready for something new, something different, and that's the best lesson we get from a breakup, we learn what works and doesn't work for us, so go with your gut!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2011): In your case I doubt the attraction will ever come back as you start using your head regarding men, and realize your worth FAR MORE than his abuse of YOU. Just for realizing that much yourself..I think your gonna be alright with NICER men.
Once the attraction is gone because of his character flaws and treatment of you, I doubt you'll desire him deeply again...only brainwashed victims keep staying and going back for reasons I won't discuss here. but I hope that answers your question..date and live your life until you find a GOOD guy who is well spoken in his speaking and treatment of you.....hope this helps some.
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