A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Recently my husband and I went to his company's annual party. I have met a few people he works with but I do not know anyone well. It is awkward for me because once we get to the party he acts like I do not exist and gets mad if I stay with him through out the night. So he is free to act anyway he wants.. He flirts and hugs other women never introduces them to me. Women I have never met and do not work with him. So I simply ask who they are and he gets angry. I later find out they are women from a bar he and his coworkers frequent for lunch. One of the women say to him oh you probably don't recognize me because I am not in my Catholic school uniform. Another one screams his name and runs to him giving him a hug and telling me how he is her Teddy Bear and what a great guy he is. I also later find out she was at the bar (that he lied to me about going to) with him and his coworkers one night. So I asked him what that was all about? He gets mad at me and tells me I am insecure. He also says by asking these questions I am accusing him of having an affair. I have never accused him of that nor do I think that. All I have asked is for him to stop acting like he isn't married and to stop flirting with these women. Does that make me insecure ? Or is that a resonable request?
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affair, christmas, co-worker, flirt, insecure Reply to this Question
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female
reader, cinc71  +, writes (20 December 2011):
 He doesn't deserve you! He doesn't respect you. You are not insecure, he's WRONG WRONG WRONG! You should find someone who APPRECIATE you. Good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): your husband is totally out of line! His behavior shows he doesnt respect you!! Nor does he care. I would tell him too stick his behavior along with him telling you that its your insecurity right where the sun dont shine!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): NO! You are not acting out of line! The comment the one lady said about not reconizing her not in her school girl outfit OMG!! That right there says your husband acts or talks too her INPROPER!! And the teddy bear girl... Ive been with my husband 21 yrs... And if he ever had woman say things like those woman did to your husband... I would be accusing my husband of either cheating or inproper behavior with these woman.your husband is WRONG! Not you
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A
male
reader, Ldu +, writes (20 December 2011):
ill keep this short and sweet. Your husband is inconsiderate. You are not asking obscure question . Your in the right .
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2011): "I am insecure"
Damn straight you are, and you damn well should be! Behavior like his makes people feel insecure, and it should, because it invites trouble.
If you didn't feel insecure, then it would be a problem on your end.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): I think his behavior is very inappropriate and he is behaving as if he's not married so you've got every right to be pissed, I would be if I were you.however I don't think that asking him - or worse, demanding - that he stop behaving this way is going to do any good. I think it's highly unlikely he's going to stop behaving this way just because you ask or demand him to because clearly he wants to be doing exactly what he is. So if you ask him to stop, or tell him why you feel he should stop, you're just being an obstacle to what he wants and he'll resent you.I think you have to accept that this is the guy you're married to so either you have to accept it if you want to stay married to him, or else since he already has one foot out the door of this marriage maybe you should too. sorry to sound so depressing, but he clearly wants to have a lot of female attention which means he's not suited to be in a marriage (not everyone is marriage material!) and since you can't change someone else you have to either take it or leave it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): When people don't want to accept responsibility for something - usually their own actions - they often try to "shift the blame" onto the other, innocent party. This can be really confusing and cause you to self doubt. It is NOT the same as being insecure just in yourself though. That is something very different. The problem is that, having done something to make you self doubt, the person then plays into this by saying that you are insecure...and in a way you are, but ONLY because they have made you feel unsettled, not because you intrinsically are that way! It is just a way for them to shift any sense of responsibility away from themselves and onto you, so that they can carry on doing whatever...my ex was a binge drinker and for years he confused me by saying that he could not move on with me because I had not "forgiven" him...but meanwhile he was just carrying on drinking...the idea of my "forgiving" him really had nothing to do with the reality, which was that he was ruining everything by behaving so recklessly and then effectively blaming me! Please don't get taken in by this ruse. Your husband sounds, from the way that you describe him, as if he has done much more than flirt with these women. The way that he is treating you in their presence shows that he is in denial about the fact that he is a married man...he is behaving like a teenager without even a girlfriend, let alone a wife! I put up with a similar kind of nonsense for years and now see that I was an idiot to do so...don't make the same mistake and don't bother wondering...without wishing to tell you to become cynical, trust your instincts and don't be afraid to imagine the worst...it means you are probably being realistic not insecure. What a jerk though...I'd dump him in a minute!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): His behavior is extremely immature for a man his age...shame on him...actually that would be unacceptable behavior for any married man or someone in a serious relationship. No, sorry, he was out of line, he should have been more respectful and should have been YOU introducing everyone he talked to. You are a big girl, and can socialize on your own, making conversation in situations like that and the two of you don't have to be attached to the hip....however, after that display from your husband, I could see how difficult it was for you...I'm sorry he behaved this way, and you should talk to him again and let him know how that evening made you feel. Hopefully he will listen and hear what you are saying, make it right and never let it happen again. If his only response is deflecting his wrong doing onto you again, DON'T allow him to make you feel like that.
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female
reader, Mugzie69 +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Dear Anony:
You have to decide for yourself as to whether or not you are insecure. But it is 100% certain that your husband is being a certified jerk.
I wonder how he'd react if you got tipsy and spent the evening slow-dancing with a number of local wolves in dark corners away from his eye. There is something about reversing places that has a way of restoring perspective on things.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Great hubby you've got there. No, you're not being unreasonable by asking him to be a gentleman.. HE is being a disrespectful idjit.... and, you certainly have reason to believe that he is fooling around during his "alone" time.
My question: Why would you put up with such boorish and unacceptable behaviour for more than another minute or two. Show him this response and ask him to answer THIS question: "You foolish dude. You've got a lovely lady there who goes out of her way to try to justify your unjustifiable behaviour. WHAT are you going to do when she finally gets wise and sends your sorry a*s on its way????"
Good luck...
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (19 December 2011):
 NO I think you are quite justified in your requests...
I do not think you are insecure.
Now had your hubby introduced you to these women as "my lovely wife" it would have been insecure had you been upset...
why are women from a bar that is not related to work at the company Christmas party?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): NOPE your Husband is a DOUCHE. There is no way other women should be hugging your Man. My Dad is disgusted by any woman that hits on him, he finds it funny that the women actually think he will be tempted, but he adores, loves and cherishes my Mother. They are in their 60s and he still gropes at her, hugs her, kisses her, gives her massages, pretend bites her neck and ears. Hmm. Just realized I'm a lot like My Dad with my BF...Anyways. He has ALWAYS maintained, us Daughters, and Aunts ONLY get to hug him and even then, we don't hang off of him. Thats MOMs position.I think Husband has very loose standards/morals. And he would be livid if you had MEN hugging and hanging off of you.Your HUbby is a narcissistic abusive D*nk in my opinion and needs women to feed his ego. I'm sure he pays good money though to have such women hanging off of him. ICK.I say, you get counselling to discuss this NEW side of your Husband. As for that Catholic School Girl er...whatever- I would have said its a good thing you are Not in 'Uniform' I'd have to put on my Nun Habit and beat your backside with a ruler for putting your hands on my Husband. You'd be sorry then. ;)Wouldn't the look on that openly disrespectful mocking twit and hubbys face so been worth it?http://www.drirene.com/catbox/index.php?showtopic=40676Counselling ASAP. You need to get Strong, Wise and figure out what your game plan is going to be. Work on you and marriage and decide if its worth staying with your louse of a Husband.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2011): No, you are most definitely not insecure. The reason he is telling you that is to put the blame on you for his actions. Your age says 41-50 range so I'm guessing he is in that age range as well, so it sounds to me like he's one of those people that never matured at all since they were 19.
It's good that you still trust he's not having an affair, but with the way he's behaving, the lying about going to the bar, the flirting, I wouldn't completely trust he isn't planning on having one soon. Then again, I'm not a very trusting person because every time I've trusted someone, they've let me down.
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female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (19 December 2011):
 Your husband clearly does not respect you because if he did he would not be flirting around with other women when you've asked him to consider your feelings.
Your not insecure at all infact you handled it well considering the way he has treated you disrespectfully at the party (with his behavior).
Your request was reasonable and if he cant consider your feelings you might want to reevaluate your compatibility.
Hope this helps!
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A
female
reader, VSAddict +, writes (19 December 2011):
 You are not insecure. I think he may be hiding something. He gets angry when you're with him at these events, he never introduces you to people, especially women, and he denies that these comments are inappropriate. These are all red flags. I'm not saying you should jump to conclusions, but your husband needs to be giving you a lot more respect than he is right now. Tell him how hurt this makes you feel, and if he gets angry, then I think you should stop going with him to these parties since it's awkward for you and inconvenient for him for some weird reason. Whatever he may be doing will come to light sooner or later and he will get what's coming to him.
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