A
female
age
41-50,
*eekerhelp
writes:i still missing my guy friend. He always said I was his best close friend, but after he fell in love to one of our friend, he cut me off completely, from facebook to MSN. He told me he wasn't pushing me away, just between us need distance. All my friends (actually really a lot!) told me to ignore him because he is not deserve my kindness. But i was so dumb, I'm wrote to him today after two months we stop contact each other. I dunno how to stop myself from thinking about him and writing to him! I so hate myself about this. My mind telling me, he is mean but my heart leading me to other ways. any suggestion how to prevent contact him and think about him?
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female
reader, Gemini007  +, writes (24 January 2011):
Im in the same situation, my guy friend is just pushing me away at the moment and i really do not know why. He means the world to me and knows it but we have gone from seeing each other regularly to talking daily to now he wont return my text messages or calls and after a recent argument which got blown out of all proportion he deleted me from facebook.I asked him last week if I had done anything wrong and he says no hes just busy because hes single? I have the opposite he seemed to have more time for me when he had a girlfriend.All I am trying to do is keep busy, the hardest thing is i see him daily at work and that kills me. Keep strong and keep busy, its very very difficult I know because I feel like I have lost a very big part of me and I really cant explain how low it makes me feel right now, but one day I am sure we will look back much stronger people and wonder why we put ourselves through this for someone who did not deserve the kindness we offered. xx
A
female
reader, happyface  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 It's not easy, but decide to move on,you don't have any other choice,if you continue thinking of him you will just hurt yourself more..try to focus yourself to other things..don't make him the center of your life,life is so wonderful to be wasted on unworthy people..hmm try to find happiness from the people who loves you.. :)
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 January 2011):
 Hmmm, I think it may be like the others are saying, but I have an alternative scenario that may also be true.
He liked you. You were more than just a close friend to him. He wanted more, but didn't see things progressing like that. When he finally got a girlfriend, he stopped pursuing you. He had no reason to anymore because his GF fulfilled the role that you were in his life.
Lots of guys don't have multiple female friends because things get too complicated with developing feelings for them. Perhaps that's what happened here. He needed the distance to get over you and be able to devote himself to his GF.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): The new girlfriend is jealous, end of. I'm afraid that, despite times a-changing, one thing remains - the majority of women cannot accept that a guy can be very close friends on a purely platonic basis.
I have always had close female friends, because when I was at primary school, there were 18 girls in my class and just 5 guys. That's how it was. My ex-partner knew I had close female friends - the first people I introduced her to were my two closest friends at that time, both female. No issue. Or so I thought. Gradually, over the years, I noticed little digs here and there but ignored them. Then it became more pronounced and my partner developed very definite feelings against my closest female friend. Was constantly making nasty comments about her.
My partner never said I couldn't see her but made her feelings plain that she didn't like her - for no reason other than we were close (and EVERYONE who knows my friend adores her, she's just a very lovely special person, nothing about her to dislike).
In the end, I felt I wasn't trusted, so I ended the relationship after many years. We had to sell the house, everything. Had she ever said "you need to choose", no question, I'd have done it sooner. She'd have lost, even though I am now on my own and desperately lonely.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): While I do believe comeon and jmtmj might be correct about his reasons. That honestly makes it a lot worse in my opinion. If he cut you out of his life on the request of an insecure girlfriend then he's an absolute tool (no offence jmtmj, I've been that tool so I know).
Firstly what kind of person demands you hurt your closest friends by completely cutting them off like that? You said that she was a friend of both of you, is she really the type of girl that would demand he do that? Secondly what type of person would actually ditch their friends like that without giving any reason at all? Because we're only speculating here, he didn't even have the decency to tell you, what kind of friend doesn't even give you a proper reason, just vague speculation?
He hasn't talked to you at all in 2 months, I mean distancing yourself from someone is one thing, limiting contact to appease a partner is kind of acceptable. I had some female friends that I am very close to and was very physically affectionate and flirtatious with, and I didn't need to be told to cut back the affection I did it anyway. But if my girlfriend even for a second demanded I cut off all contact then I would have told her where to go, no matter how much I love her and no matter how much she means to me if she was that kind of person then I really wouldn't want to be with her regardless of my feelings. My motto in life is that if someone makes you choose, you never choose them.
As I stated earlier I've done it too when I was young and stupid, I found out the hard way that friends should always come first, good friends will never make you choose, good girlfriends will not make you choose and a good partner would never want to be with someone so fickle that they'd gladly just dump one of their closest friends on a whim.
There is actually another possibility, perhaps he's in love with you. Perhaps this new girl is his way of trying to get over you, and perhaps breaking off all contact is a means of ensuring his love for you doesn't destroy his current relationship. Even if this is a possibility though, him not having the decency to give you a reason is the worst part of all this.
Only when you've actually talked to him and found out the real reason behind this will you be able to move on. It's been 2 months and you still miss him really bad, you still think about him all the time. You need to closure. You still have too many questions and you need those answers before you can properly move on.
If he was any kind of nice guy he would give you that.
So you have to find a way of getting an explanation from him, you have to get that closure.
For all we know he might think you've done something wrong, perhaps she's told him stuff about you that's made him not want to know you anymore. There are too many possibilities.
I would try and get an answer from him, if he won't respond to emails then try and catch him in person, or see if you can get some of your friends to find out his reasons. Until you know for sure you're just going to be left hanging in limbo while that act alone would be enough for me to write someone off, it's obviously not for you.
As regards hatred, it can be poison but it can be useful tool when you use it properly. I get over all my pain through clever use of hatred because I can get over hatred very quickly. It doesn't poison me because it doesn't last long for me. I don't bear grudges and hatred isn't innate in me so I turn all my passionate love into passionate hatred for a little while then it fades. You see hatred means I can't stand the sight of that person, I want nothing to do with them, all the good things that they were disappear in my mind and I don't miss those things. I'm able to focus on every negative aspect about them exaggerate those things in my mind and well you don't miss someone you detest, so you don't feel the need to contact them and after a little while of no contact all feelings, hatred or otherwise disappear.
I know people that after years still miss the good times they had with their exes, still pine for those times and are still heartbroken because they refuse to see that person in a negative light. Whereas people that hated their exes don't miss anything about them and as long as they never became embittered by those experiences they were able to move on quickly and efficiently.
So I say again, learn to hate what he did for a while, you don't miss something you hate, focus on the bad things he did, how he hurt you and when you no longer yearn to contact him, when the very idea of talking to him again makes you sick. Then you can let go of that hatred and move on. Get that closure first though.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I'm leaning towards agreeing with comeonjesus... simply because that's happened to me before and I've been the guy forced to give up my female friends. I don't think that him not contacting you is entirely his choice.
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A
female
reader, comeonjesusthishurtstoomuch +, writes (18 January 2011):
 I'll tell you exactly what happened. His girlfriend got really jealous of you, and gave him an ultimatum. For sake of the fights and losing her he puts distance. Love makes us do silly things. He prob wants to tell you all the ups and downs in his life too. I don't know if you've ever been in love but you try to make the other happy at all cost. She probably said this other girl makes me jealous. He prob said she's just a friend. She prob said if she's just a friend stop seeing her it's making me jealous. He said she's only friend. She said your prob fuckin her thats why you wont stop seein her. End of discussion you were out just to prove to a jealous girl he loved her. Don't be hurt by this i'm sure he'll come explaining if they break up. One thing i will tell you your compassion is a good quality. Never hate anyone it cripples the soul. Forgive others and so shall you be forgiven. I'm sorry this happened to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): Turn your love for this guy into hatred. It always works for me. It's easier to move past hatred than it is love.
There's a lot to hate about this asshole too. He ditched you for no good reason. Absolutely none. I read your post and I was like WTF? Wheres the reason? A bit of distance, why? For what?
How the hell can you like a guy who throws you away like that? Why are you so fixated on how nice he used to be after he betrayed you so badly? He's not exactly the nice guy you thought he was, he's a fool and if he can ditch you like this now even if you were to become friends again then he'll only do it again.
Not good OP, not good at all, this guy is poison, this guy deserves and should get nothing from you, he's thrown everything you had away and didn't even have the decency to give you any kind of proper reason. If this was anyone else would you let them get away with that? No you wouldn't, time to say screw that ad walk away.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2011): I'm afraid it takes time, but you can get there. When you think of him remember how he cut you out of your life.
Keep yourself busy start a new project, new hobby, loose yourself in a book, go out with your friend, doesn't matter what it is as long as you are doing something. Everything time you think of him, get up and do something.
I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you will go longer and longer before he comes into your head, and before you know it you won't be thinking of him at all.
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