A
male
age
30-35,
*plevi
writes:MOD NOTE: 2 posts combinedive been in a relationship for a year and 4 months now and my girlfriend has changed in terms of our sex life. she keeps asking me for 'punishment sex' and when we are having sex she tells me to hurt her and make her bleed by scratching her back and biting her breasts is this normal? i was the first boy she ever kissed and sh has changed so much, should i give her what she wants? my girlfriend has started asking me to cut her with a knife or the blade from a pencil sharpener. she tells me that it is what she really wants and that she enjoys it. what should i do?
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male
reader, roxanneian +, writes (7 May 2012):
wow sounds like you all go to bed reading books called "cautious sex for the faint hearted" or "having sex, the governmental guide" or "sex for the too afraid to ask" or the classic best seller "what will the neighbours think sex guide" ok right you are obviously listening to somebodys opinions, and probably current society views and the womens weekly trash mags that so destroy everyones relationships anyway.please dont tell me you based your advice to this person through television programs point of view cause they are designed to program US.so why are the opinions you gave right?just listen to me this is how it is to me. she has been brave enough to ask her boyfriend of over a year if he will mark her in a place with a cut that will scar her for life during sex as a sexual bond between them that means so much to her and will make her orgasm how she wants to.so using a sterile everyday shaving blade he is allowed to do this to her carefully on her arm her back maybe she wants it on her backside about -------------- that long.its no big deal.i have so many times hurt myself doing my job or mending the car or fixing the lawn mower.we all do that.stop picturing this massive 12" knife blade being sliced through a girl by a sex fuelled crazed maniac time and again during a 15 minute shag.its not criminal minds on living tv you know.just imagine now if after reading all your shocked frightened comments he leaves her and then she goes out to find anyone another lad who will cut her and he fucks it up cause he didnt care for her as much as the first guy you all told did.its a big difference to him knifing her up in violence to giving her a love cut.last thing to think about if you and your partner go to judo class and practice at home on each other the bruises and knocks you get from perfecting that move block or kick wont get you banged up for domestic violence and its no different in bed.admit to yourselves and each other what turns you on about sex.be brave be proud cause it will be the best thing you did for each other. so if you really want to say to him "honey, is it tonight your telling what to wear and treating me like the dirty f^^^^ng useless ^^^^e i am? tell him yourself cause they wont tell you that in womens weekly ok.im sorry if you cant get what im saying but we are in charge of our sex lives not anyone else.xxx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2010): My exboyfriend loved to punish me during sex, staring out with spankings, then whipping my butt with a leather belt, pulling my hair, and he had even stuck pins in my butt. He said that this was normal in sex. I went along with it for a while, but it really hurt!! I had to break it off with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Okay, you love her. But do you love yourself? Does she love you? Your girlfriend has problems. If you were to walk her into a psychiatrist's office the doctor would likely be very concerned for her... and rightly so. This originates from a very disturbed place in her psyche. Do you consider it right for a friend and/or lover to assist someone in hurting themselves... or is it right to get them help? Some like to call this sort of behavior a fetish... this is clinically incorrect. This is not a sexual preference. This is psychologically dysfunctional and disturbed.
So, does a friend help a friend remain in their world of psychological dysfunction... or does a friend help a friend find a path to true healing? Your indulging her hurting herself is what this is about... you shouldn't hurt someone even if their damaged psyche wants you to. For all you know there is a serious history here that you know nothing of. Help her find a way to true love and peace in her life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Wow, wanting you to cut her with a knife seems real dodgy. That isn't normal at all. Don't do it. Seriously you could end up really hurting her and I'm sure you wouldn't fancy telling a doctor what you was doing - Cutting her with a knife! Plus if you're not comfortable with it (which obviously you're not 100%, as you wouldn't be asking the question) then you shouldn't do it anyway.I can understand the scratching thing, it's quite common. But seriously if anyone asked me to cut them with a knife I'd be extremely concerned, I'd even put into consideration that person had mental issues, or some sort of other issues.I'd also be concerned of why she's took such a huge step in only 16 months. Why's she changed so much? Did she have a bad up bringing/childhood? (Just a thought). Have a talk with her and ask her what possessed her into wanting such a thing.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Just don't do anything that you're not overly uncomfortable with. I'd be really concerned about using blades in the bedroom personally.
Doing stuff that disgusts you in order to turn her on is not really a line you are obliged to cross.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (19 November 2010):
 There are a lot of different fetishes out there and she might just be interested in trying something new. I love bondage play and things like that, the rough sex, but i wouldn't like to be cut or made to bleed.
Some people enjoy blood play, talk with her about it and discuss with her the cons of cutting her with a knife (infections, going to deep.) If you don't feel comfortable doing it, then don't. She will have to understand that that is way outside of your comfort zone.
Compromise if you can.
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A
female
reader, cheekyfriday +, writes (19 November 2010):
take a different approach and wipe her, dress her up in leathers, and tie her up.... she wants you to dominate her, so do it without cutting her. You can scratch her without cutting her. The knife bit, that is a bit loopy........what about hot wax!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Tell her just that - that you love her.Tell her that you will not "cut" her because you love her and dont want to cause her pain and suffering. Sex for sex and sex for love are very different beasts. She appears to want sex, purely for the sexual gratification she gets from it. She wants the extreme practices to get her off. You want a loving, caring sexual relationship, because she is important to you and you love her. For you, sex is an expression of love.If she is dead set on this, then I dont think anything you say will change her mind. BUT you should not agree to it if you have any doubts at all. One slip of a knife and it could be all over.How would you feel about permanently scarring her for life? Is it worth the sexual pleasure?I know you love her, but sometimes you have to do the right thing and not agree to a partners demands for their own good. I dont think she truly understands what she is asking you to do, and once done, she may regret it.What happens if she doesnt get the sexual excitement she thinks she will? What if she turns on you and resents you for hurting her?You need to stand firm on this one. Tell her you wont do it because you love her. If she cannot accept that, then she has NO respect for you at all and is only thinking of her own sexual pleasure. She is being very selfish and putting you in a horrible position. You either agree to hurt someone you love and feel terrible, or you stand firm (even if she throws a strop) by showing your love and refusing to hurt her.This could lead to even worse and more dangerous sexual practices. I would be wary about starting her on a downhill slope..... there are so many people who die from sexual play, often alone. Dont encourage her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): Do not do it. That is a big character change after 14 months. Moreover,what if ..she become ill from infection and said, you forced her. Very , very odd.. She has mental health issues and should talk to a counselor. Never do anythang that makes you question your morals. ~/~
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A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (19 November 2010):
 Everyone has their comfort zone, and your girlfriend has crossed into boundaries that you don't wish to deal with. No one can blame you for that! Its great that she is opening up to you, so now you need to talk to her and tell her what you can and will do, and what you absolutely will not do. You can say "I love you, but I absolutely do not feel comfortable with this particular act, but maybe we can compromise?" You need to make sure that she understand what the boundaries are. I know many people enjoy rough sex and can go rather far, but I totally agree with the other aunts/uncles that asking to be cut is very unusual and dangerous. Please think over carefully about continuing to be involved with her if she insists on this aspect of the relationship. It isn't healthy at all.
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A
female
reader, soileddove +, writes (19 November 2010):
Well, speaking as someone who enjoys rather rough sex, I can say the first part seems pretty normal to me. I don't really enjoy being made to bleed, but I know many people who do. I prefer the bruises.. I don't see anything wrong with indulging her as far as you're comfortable. Look up BDSM.. She sounds like she has masochistic tendencies and may also be submissive. Work on opening up with her and compromising. As for the second part, while blood play is a kink that many people might have, I would not feel comfortable participating in that with her. It could become dangerous a lot more quickly than you might think. As celtic_tiger said, point out the obvious dangers to her and keep talking about it. I've seen it done and all seems fine, but its just going to far to me to actually purposely cut someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2010): If that's what she is into there is nothing you can do. It may sound stupid but you could show her this post to explain how you feel an maybe she will get the idea.
You could try stuff like hot candle wax on her when she is ties up, I bet tht hurts!!! But it wont kill her (please check that out for sure first!!!) if you are in love or she loves you back she won't force you. Suggest lots of other kinky stuff to replace it but DO NOT cut her!!!
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A
male
reader, splevi +, writes (18 November 2010):
splevi is verified as being by the original poster of the question in answer to celtic tiger, i reall do love her and i know it is messed up but i want to be with her, i love her. can you think of anything that i can do to change the cutting issue, anything i can say to her to change her mind?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (18 November 2010):
Personally the cutting issue is not normal.
Self mutilation is often a sign of serious issues. If she was doing it to herself people would be worried about her mental health. The fact she wants you to do it to her makes it even worse! If people found out they might think you are abusing her, and yes, you could be strung up on assault charges.
Apart from this there are also the medical issues - infection, excess bleeding, scarring. Have you seen the wrists of people who self harm? They are not pretty.
Blood poisoning can kill. A single dirty blade, or a cut which gets infected can be dangerous. What if you cut too deep? Hit an artery? How would you explain that to a paramedic? What if you couldnt stop the bleeding?
Because you cut her, you would be the one in trouble.
There are a whole spectrum of safe toys specifically designed for bondage etc. Use these.
If she seriously wants you to cut her, I suggest you walk away very very fast, as she obviously has extreme issues which most people would not be happy with doing.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 November 2010):
 Normal has no real bounds when it comes to sex. If that's what she's into, then that's what she's into. It's great that she's opening up to you about her desires.
The other thing is that you shouldn't do anyting you're not comfortable with either. Try to find a way to compromise. Next time you have sex, take her from behind and be rough. Pull her hair. Pull on her nipples. Spank her and tell her she's naughty. See how it goes for you.
I'd be uncomfortable with the cutting. Talk to her and find a compromise that makes you both happy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): wow! I can totally understand why your aprehensive! If your not comfortable with it then you do not have to do it, visa versa for her, the cutting thing is too dangerous as if you hurt her too much and she does up being seriously harmed you could end up in court or prison for grevious bodily harm. If she persists in these insane (quite literally) demands you may have to call it a day.?if she is willing to settle then why not ask her to buy a whip and do some spanking.
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