A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My GF seems to have some concerns over my semen volume and my orgasms lately. She says I sometimes do not cum very much, while other times I cum a LOT. I think she is being a little naive, as many of the times she says I dont cum a lot it is the second or third time, and the volume is most certainly lower. Last night, she said she wants to get me to the point where i have multiple orgasms. I'm not talking more than one after recuperating (which is not a problem), or even more than one without going soft (not common, but I can still pull it off once in a while), but she means a second orgasm within seconds after the first. She knows its exceedingly rare...so why does she want this? I asked her if she's experienced it before and she said no.I'm confused and a bit pissed she wants me to be some kind of machine. Part of me thinks she's comparing me to some BF in her past who was a heavy cummer or something and it is driving me nuts.Every time I feel our sex life gets to a nice level, she says something to make me feel inadequate. Why this obsession over my orgasms?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Thanks KC, that does help. Sure is an ego boost to know I can outpace a 27 y.o. in some cases...but you're right...it isn't about numbers or stats, and I dont look at it that way. In fact, neither does she, but her comments of late have had me a bit concerned...mainly I guess out of worry that her past lovers were maybe better in that area. But from the sounds of it, they probably werent.
For what it's worth, when I was 27, I was not as comfortable with my sexuality as I was in my 30's. I had a string of quick relationships with quite average sex...sometimes not so great. So perhaps there is hope your BF will "perform" better than me in his 30's. Anyway, all that counts is you are both happy, not that he can put out fires, as Mr. Trance said.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 December 2010):
 ok well, talking about my current partner here (he is 27):
a)he can cum more than once in a session BUT I would say we only have sex more than once in a session on average once every 2 months. He struggles to get turned on again after sex within an hour, so normally if we do manage to have sex more than once in a day it will be hours and hours later.
b) without going limp in between? I would say in our 15 months of being together this has probably only happened twice. So VERY rare!
c) in terms of 'volume' - cant say I have ever paid much attention! But as with all other men I have had sex with, if he has not masturbated or had sex for a while then the volume is a lot! But if he has recently masturbated or had sex then volume is much less, and decreases with each time we have sex. But to be honest, I have never really noticed unless it has been when I have been performing a blow job and then there has been too much in my mouth (not nice!). But then again my gag reflex is not brilliant so I'm sure anything more than about 5ml I would not be happy with!
It sounds to me like your girlfriend is seriously obsessed with quantity here and not the quality - I would much prefer to have AMAZING sex once a week than have sex twice a day every day that is just ok. Sex should not be about statistics - it should be about passion, enjoyment and fulfillment. Stats are not going to make your orgasms any better!
It sounds like your girlfriend is a very lucky girl - my man is only 27 and he could not keep up with you by the sounds of things! And to be honest, all my ex's who have been no older than 32 have never managed what you appear to be able to do, your girlfriend needs to quit complaining and appreciate what she has, because you could easily find someone else who would be amazed at your performance in the bedroom!
I hope this helps!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 December 2010): Thanks KC, Huggle and Mr. Clark. You are all very right. I think her aim here is to get to the best sex possible. She is a tad more experienced than me, which is also part of the reason I tend to wonder about her past and if other guys were firehoses. Not that I really care, as my initial volume is quite good. And I was pre med in college, so I know what is anatomically and physiologically possible and typical. So I'll have the talk.
I do have a question tho, just for my "research" on the volume and multiple orgasm thing...how many guys, percentage wise, typically cum more than once in a session a) after recuperating from the refractory period, and B) without going limp in between? Also, how many guys are typically "heavy cummers"?
Only real experience I have is me, and I can usually pull off twice no problem after 10-60 minutes of recuperation, and twice without going limp maybe once every 10th time we have sex. In both cases, I rarely attempt a third or beyond...just too tired or she is sore. My "record" in an evening is 6. When I was younger (I'm 41 now), I could indeed have orgasms within seconds of each other when I masturbated and was significantly aroused by porn or something, but it was uncommon. As for my volume, I read that anywhere between 1-5 ml is desirable from a fertility standpoint, and upwards of 12 ml max is achieved sometimes. I would say I'm typically in the 5-8ml range for my first ejaculation, although I havent measured. So is this typical, low, high or what? ...just so I know where I fall when I discuss with her. Of course, she may have had other experiences, but I'd rather not discuss her "data" if you know what I mean.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 December 2010):
 "First; ignore all the advice from those males. How on earth would they know what's going on in a females mind?!"
No need to get narky hugglebear, ya don't have to agree with others opinions, but there's no need to steam roll over them aye.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (7 December 2010):
You are totally right to feel this way - she has no idea about the male anatomy and clearly does not understand how the penis works!
However I dont think she is comparing you to an ex - I think simply she just doesnt understand enough about sex, the penis and male anatomy. And as many of the other aunts have said - chances are she just wants to be 'the best ever' for you, so in her head it makes perfect sense that she wants you to have multiple orgasms because that is the measure of performance for a man (if a man can get a woman to have multiple orgasms then he has done very well!) so she thinks same must apply for her.
I think all this needs is for you to sit down and have a chat with her, and try not to sound patronising when you do explain it all to her. First of all, tell her just how amazing she is in bed and how much you love having sex with her. Then explain that as much as you wish you could cum 'loads' every time, men are just not made that way and if you have frequent sex, especially having sex more than once within a short time period means the quantity of semen that is available for ejaculation each time gets less and less. Then move on to explain that multiple male orgasms are incredibly rare and it is unrealistic for you to even try and aim for this. Let her know that what you are doing already (having sex more than once a night, or more than once within a short time scale) is actually quite rare and not many men can manage to cum more than once or twice even after recuperating.
I am sure she is just insecure about her performance, so with a bit of a chat and some reassurance she should stop being so obsessed with your orgasms!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, TheHuggleBear +, writes (7 December 2010):
 First; ignore all the advice from those males. How on earth would they know what's going on in a females mind?! I had this exact problem (the volume/orgasms, but not the multiple part) with my boyfriend when we started having sex. She's not demanding anything of you, and I don't think she wants to make you feel inadequate at all! The reason I had a problem with it was because I felt like my boyfriend was working hard to orgasm and I wasn't good enough in bed for him. I think you need to sit down and explain to your girlfriend that men don't (or very rarely) have multiple orgasms like that. Tell her she's making you feel inadequate and she probably will realise that her requests are a bit over the top. I doubt VERY highly that she's comparing you to an ex -- this seems to be a common belief in males that women will compare them to ex boyfriends; and I can't speak for every woman in the world; but I've never done that.
Just tell her what's going on, don't let it get too far or she'll get more insecure and you'll feel more inadequate; and no-one wants that.
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A
male
reader, Mr Clark  +, writes (7 December 2010):
Has she specified that she wants you to ejaculate twice in a row, or is she saying she wishes you could learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating? To my mind, if she's asking you to ejaculate twice in a row, her request is utterly ridiculous and ignorant. Even is she's asking you to learn how to have an orgasm without ejaculating, it's still a pretty ridiculous request.
Her comments on your volume the 2nd or 3rd time are also ridiculous. Of course the volume will be lower. Duh!!!
It seems to me she has some strange notion that your inability to do the impossible (or near impossible) somehow reflects poorly on her attractiveness.
It's also possible that she know it bothers you, and she does this to play head games with you as a way to get the upper hand on you and manipulate you. If she says other things about topics other than sex (e.g. your career) that are put-downs, it seems likely that she is abusive. Some people are abusive and they tend to view relationships as a power struggle in which both parties are trying to dominate so they can get more out of the other person.
These people are often very good at making comments that are not blatant put-downs, but are nevertheless designed to make the other person feel inadequite. When confronted, they will normally respond by saying something like "Oh, you took it all wrong because you're so insecure!" This shifts it back on you, and allows them to continue the abusive behavior. My sense is that people like this often don't fully understand themselves why they act the way they do. They don't want to examine their own behavior because that would force them to face up to the fact that they are not the near-perfect person they like to think they are. As I understand it, people like this have a fundamentally different view of relationships than the rest of us, and they rarely change significantly.
Without knowing more about your situation, it's hard to say if that's what's going on in your case. Perhaps she really is just extremely ignorant/naive and doesn't have a clue what she's asking.
Either way, I'd just tell her that her request is unreasonable, and she needs to drop it. I'd be assertive about it and not accomodate her or be timid. Refuse to discuss it, period. This is her problem, not yours. If she doesn't back off, you'll know she has some serious issues and she's not a good candidate for a serious long-term relationship.
I'd also suggest trying to stop speculating on whether or not she had a prior boyfriend who happened to be able to do this.
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (7 December 2010):
 I don't think she's comparing you to someone else, this likely has more to do with her confidence (or lack thereof). Maybe she feels she's not pleasing you if you don't climax the way she thinks you should?
By no means does this mean you're inadequate. She obviously doesn't understand men are women are different in this area. Explain to her it's not physically possible for you to have multiple orgasms all the time and leave it at that.
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A
female
reader, khmngbrd +, writes (7 December 2010):
 Maybe she is just insecure and doesnt know if you think the sex is reeeeaaaalllllly good or not. Thats not un common I worry alot actually if mine and my bfs sex is good for him or if he even likes it, and maybe she feels as if that if u do that than she "KNOWS" its good. Just say babey, u r soooo good in bed in a sexy way I wish my bf would do tht sometimes lol. Still doesnt work? Just tlk to her. Thats the best solution
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj +, writes (7 December 2010):
Tell her to focus on her orgasms and you'll focus on yours.
She's being totally ridiculous here if you ask me... It might be ok if she just wanted you to have the best sex you've ever had, but this sounds like its just to boost her ego...
Sad...
Unless you're prepared to do an hour of kegals exercises every day, you've got more chance of catching a leprechaun.
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (7 December 2010):
Just tell her she's misunderstood a man's anatomy and what she's saying is ridiculous. Stop allowing yourself to feel inadequate.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2010): Its probably just a huge turn on for her and if she's demanding it of u...then yeah Id say thats selfish of her. Talk to her a bit more pal calmly and out of the bedroom and see why she is adamant about it. Not every guy is a fireman and nothin wrong with that. Good luck.
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