A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my partner for a little over a year now and we live together. She is 7 years older than I am, but all in all I would say we have a great relationship; I really love her and she tells me that she loves me all the time. However recently I've been having suspicions that she is cheating or has cheated on me. Last week she went out of town to go check on her mom's house (mom is out of the country) and while she told me she would only be gone for 2 days, the trip lasted 5 days and the entire time she stayed with her "friend" because of complications with her mom's house. Now that she is back home, her and her "friend" text all day long. Whenever I'm around and she gets a text from the "friend" she quickly hides it so I can't see it or quickly deletes it, thinking I don't notice. I once saw her looking at the "friend's" facebook page but again she quickly changed the page when she saw me coming in the room. Lately I've been having the gut feeling that something may or still might be going on, so I checked her phone (which I don't normally do) and saw a text from one of her other friends saying "You should just end it with her". I'm quite confident that the msg was not in reference to me but should I be worried that something is going on? Mind you, we've had some trust issues in the past and I don't know if my trust issues are getting the best of me. Please HELP!
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (21 January 2011):
Well OP, it doesn´t sound to me like she´s making a good case for herself. This on itself would be enough for me to end it.
If you want to talk to her about it, I would say something along these lines:
"You hid those texts and lied to me. And now you're saying you two slept in the same bed but nothing happened? How does that sound to you? Does that sound like something you'd swallow without question? What do you think I am? Naive and stupid?"
Personally, I believe there's no way those two didn't sleep with eachother. Combined with the text "you should just end it with her" I think you know your answer.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnd the truth comes out.....I confronted her again because I still felt that she was lying to me and I found out that her and her so called "friend" used to mess around some years ago and that while she was away they slept in the same bed today. She was very defensive this time but swore that nothing happened. As far as the texts, she says that she was hiding them from to avoid seeing something that I might take the wrong way. On top of that she just left to go out of town again!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (20 January 2011):
 I'm glad you talked. I hope she can prove that she's worthy of your trust.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice! I took all your suggestions and had a talk with her, and as I expected she denied any form of cheating on her part. She said she respecting me for asking and being upfront with her. At this point there's nothing more I can really say since I don't have any proof, but something is telling me that she's lying.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (19 January 2011):
Something's up, that's for certain. This is not you making things bigger than they are. Talk to her, like dirtball said and if she gets really defensive you'll have your answer.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
Suspicious behavior like that is hard to ignore. It's pretty obvious that something is up. If this really was just a friend there likely wouldn't be anything to hide.
Tell her you're feeling insecure because she is acting like she is hiding something. You want to keep trusting her, but are finding it harder and harder to do. You need her to reassure you that things are alright.
Hopefully it goes well, but I can see her getting really defensive. I think you should trust your gut though.
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A
female
reader, Nattaliee  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Be Straight up with her, ask her. No secrets no lies.
If She continues to behave this way tell her you need to no where you stand
hope this helps
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (19 January 2011):
Thats a tough one. In my opinion you don't want to accuse someone of cheating unless you can prove it.
Personally, I think that you are seeing warning signs and I don't think that they should be ignored.
I say go with your gut on this one. That usually doesn't lead you astray!
Good luck!
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