A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need advice from a non judgmental view point. I had been in a relationship with this guy for the last 2 years. He is in the army and so naturally things were always kind of difficult. But now I know that he was lying to me and cheating on me for a good part of our relationship. However stupid me, always has been extremely in love with him so it was one of those things that was really hard to let go of. So we broke up in October. However, he came home over Christmas and we talked and like always one thing led to another. Now, it has been several weeks and I have found out that he has a girlfriend. I am mad because not only did he lie to me, again, but he possibly cheated on her (not sure if they were together when we hooked up) which I refuse to be apart of. But the absolute worst part is, is that now I have found out that I am pregnant. He knows and we have talked about it, but I can not stand the thought of letting him back in my life after everything that has happened and I really can't stand the idea of him being there because he feels obligated to do so. BUT I also just found out from my doctor that I have very low HCG levels for where I am at in my pregnancy and there is a very high chance I could lose it anyway and all of this stress isn't helping me. So my dilemma is, should I tell his girlfriend? I know he hasn't and it makes me so angry! Not only that he could do that to me, but that he could do that to her. If something does happen to the baby then it may not matter anyway, but regardless should he be able to get away with cheating and lying to her? I know that two years ago, I would have really appreciated someone being honest with me. Any advice would be very helpful.
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female
reader, Sensesfail101 +, writes (21 January 2011):
its not his gf who needs to know all this. Its him. The gf prob aint gonna care that ur preg and shes gonna look at it like ur trying to mess up their relationship. What goods it gonna do to tell her? Make him do it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Thanks so much for the advice everyone. I know that it is not really my place to tell her and I know that even if I did she might not believe me (even though I could easily prove it with texts, pictures, or Dr. notes). But I guess my real problem just comes down to honesty and how it's making me feel. I just know that if I was her (which I basically was two years ago) I would have wanted someone to tell me before I got in to deep. I have absolutely NO intention of trying to ruin what they have and if they could work out past this then thats great. I'm just angry that he can't step up, be a man, and deal with what has happened.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): I disagree with many people on this. You were the unwitting accomplice in a betrayal. If you don't let the betrayed person know, who will?
Should the person who is betrayed know they have been betrayed?
Is it the right thing for them to know how they have been treated?
If so, then who should tell them?
If not you, then who?
If it is the right thing for them to know, and you are the only person who can 'do the right thing' because you are the only person who knows that the wrong thing is being done to them, then who else can we shuck this responsibility off onto?
Tell her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): Hello,
I'm sorry that you have to go through this but don't let this guy keep you from living your life and keeping your chin up. Take the high road and know that this is just another bump in the road (or in other words...a mud puddle in the road). I think that this guy is not worthy of your telling his other fling that he's cheating on her. Let her have the honor of learning about his cheating ways. Eventually, everything will get caught up with him and it'll be worse off for him than for you and the others he's cheating or cheated on. Remember, what comes around goes around. Also, do you honestly want to hold on to this guys infidelity? I would just forgive him (I know...why hold on to this guy's doing?) and let him go. He's not worth any ounce of your energy and being. You are a good person and I know one day you will have a wonderful man who loves you and only you.
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A
female
reader, Nattaliee  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Helloo
WOW! Hes Real Scum If He Could Do That To You!
If It Was Me Id tell the other girl that you was his girlfriend then you fount out he was with her aswell. if he can cheat on you with her. imagin what hes doing to her, and most women who get cheated on 'hate' the OTHER woman but its only fair you let her know whats going on as she may have been just like you. think that hes just a one woman man. when hes out there fooling every other woman who will listen to his lies. dont tell her about the baby YET. wait till the doctor gives you the all clear and lets you know weather the baby is fit and doing fine or The Saddest Part You Miscarry. which is awful because ive had one before. so stop stressing your self. be straight up with this girl. tell her your not just saying it because your jelous or what ever. tell her you thought she had a right to know. and as soon as the doctor lets you know then you tell her about the baby. BUT DONT TAKE HIM BACK , be strong and you and your baby will be just fine, btw congrats, i really do hope everythings going to be alright x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2011): It is absolutely his responsibility to tell his GF. If he chooses to lie and have two women in his life and make the decisions he has made, then he needs to man up and recognize what the results of his actions have been. In my opinion, he (and im respectfully understating here) mistreated you both. Now, his chickens are comin home to roost and he got aint got no coop. Focus on your life, your baby, and your stress management. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, brian shaw +, writes (19 January 2011):
 I have been in this situation. Both, because I was in the military and because I should have told someone that their significant other was cheating. Tell her. The problem with this world is that everyone walks around with this 'it ain't mine' attitude. The worst part of the feeling of being betrayed is feeling like everyone knew besides you.
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (19 January 2011):
I do feel for you in this situation however, I don't think that it is your right to talk to his girlfriend.
If I were you I would just wait and see how the pregnancy turns out and if things go well she will obviously find out when he has to start paying child support.
I would say don't let him back in YOUR life for the sake of a baby but don't exclude him from baby's life...if he chooses not to be apart of it, it is his choice.
Good luck!!
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (19 January 2011):
 I agree with tennisstar88, it's not your place to tell her, and telling her will only cause more problems in an already overly complicated situation.
Keep the focus on yourself. The truth will come out soon enough.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (19 January 2011):
 Really it's not your place to tell her. Seeing as you're the other woman, she's most likely not going to believe someone she doesn't know. In fact, her boyfriend could pass it off as you being a liar. Telling her out of spite, will only cause more drama. You don't need anymore drama during your pregnancy.
I suggest you let it go, because he will eventually have to tell her when you give birth. The cat will be out of the bag, when he has to travel on the weekends to see his son/daughter and won't have time for his current girlfriend. Just worry about protecting you and your baby. Cut out the drama, that means shutting him out for now. When the baby is born, then you need to look into child support from him. Good luck with your pregnancy!
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