A
male
age
41-50,
*ohnDoe20137666
writes:My life is in such a mess! I was with my girlfriend for about two years. Anyway, after a few months I caught her cheating. But I took her back. Then I caught her cheating again and I took her back. She then started to raise her hands to me about 6 months ago. A couple of times the police were called but I never pressed charges.Then a few weeks ago I never saw her at New Year. I caught her with another guy and I finally snapped. I went out picked up a girl and took photos of me with this other girl. They weren't explicit. Just us kissing and sent them to my ex girlfriend. I felt so bad after it! I felt so dirty and disgusted with myself because I had done such a terrible thing. The next day I went to see my ex at her work to say how sorry I was. I really was. But before I could say anything she drove off. We never fought. We never even spoke. Then the police come to see me. Detained me and charged me with breach of the peace causing fear and alarm. I couldn't believe it! I now have all these bail conditions. No contact, etc. Things have got so horrible and messed up but now I feel like I should have her charged for the times she's hit me. I've spoken to a solicitor and he says I can do this! I don't think she's being fair but I don't see what choice she's leaving me with! I know I did a terrible thing sending her photos and I know that's what she's really punishing me for but I don't think it's fair that she should get away with what she's done! What should I do?
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (6 February 2013):
Hi. Your doctor could have a very good point here, because your ex has breached the doctor patient confidentiality.
Even though she may not have told anyone else about what she found in your records, still, she had no right to access your medical records, unless she was your consulting psychiatrist.
And if she never was your psychiatrist - in a professional environment - well then she had no legal right to look at them.
What it really is, is professional misconduct.
And it's likely that if she was reported, she could lose her right to practise, completely.
She would have to prove that she was accessing your medical records for professional purposes.
And yes, as your doctor has said, there should definitely be a paper trail, leading directly back to her.
And the way she probably did this, was online, I am guessing.
The medical system is gradually transferring patients' medical records online, making it easier for treating physicians to access important medical history and making proposed treatment for that patient much easier in the process.
I would have thought, that only certain medical people would have an automatic access.
Doctors who were treating you for something - a family doctor, or any other doctor who you were seeing for anything that might require some reference to psychiatric conditions.
Medical conditions, where some kind of psychiatric disorder, may directly affect the other medical condition and so that specialist or GP would need to check any medications you would be on, just to make sure that other meds would not dangerously clash.
And unless you ever were seeing her as a psychiatrist at any time earlier - before you became a couple - she would otherwise, have absolutely no need to refer to them.
If I were you, I would be very seriously considering what your doctor has suggested to you.
It will most likely be another legal battle - for her mainly - nevertheless an important one, for you.
A
male
reader, JohnDoe20137666 +, writes (5 February 2013):
JohnDoe20137666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo just an update to everyone. I changed my number and then she started emailing me. Again the police said it was difficult to prove. They weren't interested. So I've since closed my email. Anyway, at the weekend her brother came into my place of work to... 'see me'. Again I went to the police and the police said it could be innocent. How does he know what days you are working and what days you're not. And that my bail conditions aren't against him they are against her so he can do what he wants, but it was clear he was coming to see me. I went back to work and my work told me to take time off until I had the situation resolved. This woman is destroying my life. The police won't listen. My lawyer is doing everything in his power to get her to stay away from me.
All I want is for her to leave me alone. I've tried to ignore her and I'm trying to be nice and do things by the law. I know she is trying to provoke me into a reaction. Because she knows and I know I will be arrested again and possibly remanded in custody until my hearing if I react or contact her.
Anyway, I went to see my doctor today for my doctor to sign me off work sick. We got talking. He wanted to know everything and I went right into detail about the situation. I should have maybe mentioned earlier that my ex is a psychiatrist. When we were together she would tell me things about me that she couldn't possibly know unless she had looked at my medical records. I would confront her about this and she would just laugh. At the time I didn't bother because we were a couple. But my doctor suggested that I should report her because there will be a paper trail. They could trace it back to her. He told me she had no right accessing my medical records. I don't really want to start fighting fire with fire but I don't see what choice I have? He told me to give it some serious thought.
Part of me still cares for her and I don't want to see anything bad happen to her but everybody else is telling me she doesn't give a damn about me so start fighting back. Is this really what I should do? Advice would be great. I figure if I ignore it for long enough and get my trial out of the way it will all blow over. But my friends and family are saying she will never go away until you go back to her and I don't want that.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (29 January 2013):
Hi. It just sounds like bullying to me, the threatening text messages.
She might be just feeling bitter that it's all over, etc.
You are wise in changing your phone number.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Can you not get a lawyer? If the police will not assist you need to get a lawyer that will help you get an interdict against her for harasment and for threatening you.
I would also contact the service provide (Cell phone network) and advise them you are getting threatening messages from this number and see what advise they offer.
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A
male
reader, JohnDoe20137666 +, writes (28 January 2013):
JohnDoe20137666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I meant to say, the previous times when she hit me and I said I didn't want to press charges I can't change my mind and have the police do it now. It just seems so wrong to me. Getting my number changed later today.
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A
male
reader, JohnDoe20137666 +, writes (28 January 2013):
JohnDoe20137666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I would just like to update everyone. I started to receive nuisance silence calls. I reported it. Police said it's difficult to prove it's anything to do with her. I never reacted because I know she is trying to provoke me. I then started to get threatening text messages with a number. Telling me they know where I live and threatening things will happen to me. I again informed the police and they weren't interested! They said it could be a friend of hers and it's difficult to prove and the bail conditions are set against me. They wouldn't even go and talk to her! How is this fair? Does anybody who has legal knowledge know how this is correct because this just doesn't seem right here! She's harassing me and I've basically got to put up with it because it's me who's on bail!
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (24 January 2013):
Get away from her. If she ever calls, writes, texts, emails, etc, save them and make a record of it.
Hate to say it, but as the male in the relationship, the law is against you in this case. All a woman generally has to do to make your life miserable is make an official accusation. For you to do the same, you have to PROVE your accusation. Just the way it is.
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A
male
reader, Silius Sodimus +, writes (24 January 2013):
I would also say go hell for leather and take her to court it's the least she deserves.
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A
male
reader, JohnDoe20137666 +, writes (23 January 2013):
JohnDoe20137666 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank everyone for their replies! Our relationship is over. There is no question of that. I know it may sound a bit tit-for-tat but it just seems to be she's getting off easy whilst I'm being punished for her being the nasty piece of work! I hope I never see her again but she's making my name mud and I'm actually an okay guy. I'm not saying I'm the nicest guy in the world. We all have our faults, but being locked up and detained, questioned, finger printed wasn't a nice experience at all! I saw her in the street. I just wanted to talk. Next thing I know I'm being charged. She always begged me not to have her charged if I cared for the kids and didn't want her to lose her job, but now I feel like she has left me with no choice. Thank you again to everyone. Some really sound advice.
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (23 January 2013):
 Take the advice of your solicitor, also if anyone has ever witnessed her attack you have them write statements and take them to your solicitor, I was in a similar situation once and was obviously panicking about being found guilty for something I hadn't done, I no you probably feel helpless. Eventually my case was dismissed because of the evidence I had gathered up, I also had a good solicitor who believed in me and advised me well. But as for your girlfriend, why would you want to stay with someone who repeatedly cheats on you? You deserve much better. Fight this charge, tell the truth and leave this woman
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A
female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (23 January 2013):
 You need to distant yourself from this toxic woman and never contact her again. You made ths mistake of taking her back after a number of affairs.
Press charges and ask for her to keep her distance , not and you have to move on in life without her.
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A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (23 January 2013):
I had an ex who was physically abusive.She would shove me or push me, making me fall, and on some occasions hit me with objects or her bare hand.I obviously got out of that relationship once I realized it was never going to improve.Afterwards, she did end up seeking professional help ... but the problem was that she blamed all of her abusiveness on *me*. She claimed I had been abusive first and was deliberately vague, allowing her social workers and such to believe I was physically abusive to her. I got questioned and almost arrested myself.The best decision I made with her was to write her off. I stopped contacting her completely. I sent her back all her stuff via a courier service. I vowed to never speak to her again and to this day I haven't. She not only almost had me arrested, she did one worse - she damaged my reputation around town. As a small business owner, you can imagine how this was (thankfully, temporarily) detrimental!Over time though it all boiled over, and the more I stuck to staying away from her, the better things got. Because if I was avoiding her completely, she couldn't make any further claims about me. How can someone abuse you when you hang up on them or ignore their calls? How can you be abusive by not answering the door when you know she's knocking? And so on. I'm sorry your relationship with her ended so badly, but you really do have to cut her off completely and move on. Let yourself feel angry (alone) and frame her in reality - she's a disturbed person who needs help that you cannot give and only she can decide to seek out. And don't hesitate to get out there, meet new people, make new friends, and soon enough, you'll find another girl who will treat you like gold.As for pressing charges against her, it's definitely worth a shot, but like the others have said, it'll end up being your word against hers. Be careful not to invest too much time in this - as long as you can move on with your life, do it. Don't look back.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): I have seen several friends go to jail for weeks and months because their GFs were angry at them and started making up stories to the cops. Every one of them now wishes they had cut and run the first time she lied to the cops. Press charges. And no matter what happens, GET AWAY FROM HER. DO NOT give her more opportunities to tell the cops more lies about you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): What do you do? You cop the fuck on JohnDoe.
Talk to your solicitor about sending a warning letter to her saying you'll file charges if she doesn't drop hers. In that letter you will also state that you will no longer have any contact with her and you wish her a long happy life.
Enough of this tit for tat abusive, fucking juvenile bullshit. Your life is a mess so fucking fix it and get rid of her.
What are you twelve? How long are you going to continue these games? You now want revenge on her, because it's not fair?
be a man for once and do what's right by you this time. You press charges for domestic battery and you're going to have months of legal wrangling with her, months of her still in your life messing with your head.
Just use the tools you have to get her to drop these charges and then move the hell on for good.
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 January 2013):
Hi there. I totally agree with you about formally pressing charges against your ex girlfriend.
It seems that, as you said yourself here, she is simply trying to get you back for the photos she saw, of you kissing some other girl, and has told the police some lies about you.
She has probably told the police that you raised your hand and hit her - the reverse of what has REALLY happened in the recent past.
And she has clearly made them believe her!
And unfortunately, without hearing both sides of the story - to get to the TRUTH - the police can only go on what they have been told.
And this is what has happened.
And hence, the result you are seeing of all this nonsense of hers.
She probably turned on the tears etc., and so what man doesn't fall for the old tears routine?
You would probably fall for an emotional outburst by a female friend of yours, wouldn't you?
So there you have it.
I suggest that you definitely go ahead and take legal action against her, with your solicitor, and really put things right, once and for all.
And you will then find, that your pressing charges against her, will automatically cancel out her claims against you.
There will almost certainly, be no case to answer.
Please DO NOT hesitate in doing this.
Timing is crucial here. The sooner, the better.
We are after all, talking about your good name, and that's worth protecting, surely. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (23 January 2013):
IT’s likely that your opportunity to press charges would have been on those occasions where the police were called and now it’s your word against hers. The pair of you are an explosive combination, where dealing with things is either achieved through violence, revenge cheating or petty games. I think the best thing you can do is break up and stay well away from each other. This relationship is just too broken. You mightn’t like it but that’s your best course of action.
I wish you all the very best.
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