A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girl and I started seeing each other a year ago last week. I was not long out of a serious relationship and in the beginning it was just a 'friends with benefits' arrangement. We had known each other for almost three years and lived together for a few months at one point. Things became serious pretty quickly and last April we decided to make things 'official'. Everything has been pretty great since and we moved in together(again! but as a couple this time) in September. I am thinking about maybe proposing soon but anyone I've confided in have told me I should wait. It was a rebound at the start for me plus I had an open relationship with my ex girlfriend so needless to say some of my friends are skeptical of this new relationship even though its as different as can be from my last one. I'm sure I love her and want to be with her. I spent most of our time together thinking that we should have gotten together sooner. So thoughts? Should I start planning a proposal or should I wait a bit longer?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2013): OP I proposed last December, trust me you do not want to do it if you've never even discussed marriage or know her life plan.
7 years together before I proposed and I knew the time was right because we'd discussed when the time would be right.
'Our future' is something we always keep informed about and discuss, it's essential that we're both on the same page when it comes to big decisions.
Of course I never just said I'm going to propose to her, but I knew the time was right months before I even asked the question because I knew the time was right for both of us. It was both of our desires to take our relationship to the next level.
You can't just make a decision like that on your own because *you* know you want to be with her. You have to know she wants that too or you force her into a very bad place if it isn't. For a woman who is not ready that can be a prison that ruins a relationship, her saying no can destroy things too. You may force her to put serious thought into her future with you and she may not see one with you yet beyond the next week/month/year, right now.
OP ask any woman or any man who has proposed, women generally make it very clear when they're ready for that. Mine was subtle but very obvious. We'd be watching TV and a wedding would come on, she'd talk about details of it, what she'd like, things she thought looked stupid etc. She basically became very focused on marriage stuff when before it never really interested her much, talked about other peoples weddings, paid more attention to dresses. It's similar to the way women start gushing over babies more than usual when they're feeling broody, or the way they're extra critical of skinny girls or celebs when they're feeling fat. My fiancée didn't do it purposefully but it was noticeable how she suddenly became more fascinated by wedding stuff. Plus we've reached that stage in our lives when we both had discussed would be the right time in the past.
If you have to ask us if the time is right, then it's most likely not OP.
Find out if the time is right by her. You don't have ruin the surprize but it's something you do need to what page she's on and if it's the same as yours.
Besides regardless of what you may think the "big surprize" isn't nearly as exciting as the "Oh my god, I think he's going to propose" that mine had for a while before I did. That way she could have prevented it too if she wanted.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (23 January 2013):
Hi there. Even though you feel sure you love her and want to be with her, is that really enough?
When a person thinks about wanting to marry someone, they must be absolutely sure of this, before they actually make the proposal of marriage.
Marriage is a commitment for life, so it's a decision not to go into too lightly.
I think what your friends have said - to wait a little longer - is very good advice.
You have only moved in this time, since September, so it's only just past 3 months - which isn't really very long, is it?
And at first it was a Friends With Benefits, situation wasn't it?
And that is way different from what the status is now.
And so it is for that reason, that I believe you should wait say another 6 months, before even considering making a marriage proposal.
Three months is not very long to be living together as a couple, and especially after living together previously as flat mates - and the FWB situation.
It's a whole different ball game.
So this is the major reason I suggest that you wait another 6 months, before asking her to marry you.
This time you are actually boyfriend and girlfriend, so you need to really get to know each other well, in that new relationship environment.
And it will take at least 6 months to really see if it could work out as being a married couple, some time in the near future.
I think it is really a wise thing that you wait that 6 months or so, until you have no doubt whatsoever.
You need to be completely sure that you want to be with HER and only her, and that there is no-one else you would rather be with, in the whole wide world.
That's how sure you need to be in preparation for marriage.
Marriage is a HUGE life changing decision, and you know that already, I'm sure.
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