A
male
age
30-35,
*hostChild
writes:My girlfriend likes to cry... a lot.When I first met her, she wasn't overly emotional at all, I mean, she still showed emotion, but she never really cried. But when we started going out and became more serious, she just became more and more emotional.I feel like a bit of a dick for complaining about this. I know if your girlfriend cries, it should be the guy's job to make her feel better. And I do, I do everything that I can to make her feel better. I spend endless nights on the phone to her while she cries about all of her problems and how difficult she has it. She's also been feeling sick lately, so she's been crying about that too. When I say crying, I do mean crying, tears down the face, moaning and sobbing uncontrollaby.My friends and family joke that I've just found a very, VERY sensitive girl and often ask me what she's cried about today. It'd be funny if it weren't true, she cries nearly everyday.Telling her to toughen up would never work, it would just make her cry more. Telling her to take charge of her life doesn't work either as she just becomes even more emotional and claims that "she can't" when she really can.I'm not sure what to do, is there any advice at all? I've tried to help her all I can, but there's really no advice I can give her for when she's crying over a slight headache besides "take some panadol or see a doctor" and assuring her that she'll be okay. I do love her, but I can't stand much more of this, I'm not a very emotional person in that I try and bottle my feelings up quite often, but she's the other way around. It's becoming really difficult to bare, and I think talking to her about it would only make her cry more and become even more negative about herself. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Hey GhostChild, You have somehow managed to similarly describe my situation. My girlfriend cries over everything. Whether I make a joke, if she gets a flat tire (and by flat I mean the air is low), small tiffs with her friends, when she needs to make decisions, etc. See, she will poke fun at me with jokes which is okay with me because it's funny. But if I said the same thing in the same joking manner to her, it's offensive and time for tears. I can understand the joke thing, if she doesn't know I'm joking, but I always make it ridiculously clear that I am joking, so I know it's not that.Whenever she does something that hurts my feelings, I try to tell her, in a calm, non-confrontational way. This turns into her immediately crying and her saying "You're making me feel bad" and the focus immediately goes off of my feelings and on to trying to make her feel better for.. feeling.. BAD that I informed her of my feelings being hurt in the first place which creates two problems and no solutions.She's in her early 20's, takes medication that doesn't really help the crying issue. Her parents suggest counseling, she doesn't do it. If I suggest it, I'd be offending her. Yes, I've approached her about this before, again in a non-confrontational way. She claims that I have to accept her for who she is and that crying over everything is the way she is and I make her feel that she has to change herself. This response leads me to believe she is 110% aware of her emotional response and that it's a personal choice to let every little thing affect her. It has taken a toll on our relationship as it's impossible (I mean IMPOSSIBLE) to resolve any situation as she cries and says things that makes no sense. I take a logical approach to everything and remind her that while it's normal to have an emotional response, we have to gear resolution in a logical manner that works for both parties. Our tiffs consist of fighting over her feelings instead of focusing on fixing the issue that started it all. I don't really know what to do. I love her to death and I'm willing to work with it for the rest of my life, but it's just something I wish could be worked on to make both of our lives better.
A
male
reader, GhostChild +, writes (1 February 2011):
GhostChild is verified as being by the original poster of the question I know this reply is probably three months overdue, sorry for the lateness!
But thankyou to everyone that replied! All your advice was helpful and its good to know that I'm not alone with this.
I decided to take the direct approach and spoke to her and told her how much I love her and I'm always have to be there for her etc. but that she's 20-years-old and that crying when things go wrong doesn't help her, and that I can't keep dropping everything and running to help her everytime she cries because she has a stomach ache or because what she ordered off eBay hasn't arrived yet.
This turned into a fight, which I kind of saw coming, but luckily when she started to cry she kind of realised that she does cry an awful lot. I apologized and took it all back but she apologized instead and said that she just sometimes lets things overwhelm her sometimes because she's not good at coping with stress.
That was a couple months ago, she still cries sometimes and gets overwhelmed, but it's not on a daily basis. I'm still there for her all the time, but she really only gets sad every few weeks now. So that's an improvement.
Once again, thankyou to everyone to read and replied! It is much appreciated!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010): Your gf reminds me of someone i knew... this girl is just very very self centered. She wants all the attention for her self and the problem could be her past where she was the center of attention all the time and pampered a wee bit too much. She definitely is using you. Narcissistic is what you could call but she loves her self so much that she is insecure that she might lose her 'value' or she must be getting all her things done by crying be it materialistic or emotional. Advice is to leave her. Or just ignore her tears for a week or 2 she will learn to respect u. Personally... I dont know either of you, but i think u deserve better!
All the very best!
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female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 I was going to write basically what denim and lace said; I was on the Ring (birth control )and my emotions went BESERK. It started invading other parts of my life, I burst into tears in class, was told to leave class, cried because 'what's going on with me that i'm crying for crying in class' and then went to go 'calm down' and watch tv but remember that Dawn commercial where they wash the oily ducks (they probably have it on again cause of the BP spill)? YEAAA you bet, I was a disaster on that too, and I'm not an animal rights activist or environmentalist! I think it's definitely a valid issue to see if that's what it is, but if it's not, why don't you try to convince her you're only one person and you even though yo uwant to support her the relationship is very imbalanced right now, as you have to buoy her emotions while you neglect your own (even if that is your scene, you still have SOME kinds of needs, right?) I think if you say you'll go to the counselor or the doctor with her that'll help and it will also sort of transfer the bulk of responsibility on to an expert.
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female
reader, Duckyhelp  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 I think you need to talk to her about it and tell her that her crying is really hard for you to handle as you want to help her but cant and that you want you guys to be happy and hearing her cry all the time breaks your heart and makes you upset (even if you dont feel that, just say it) to hear that she is hurting. If she reacts badly to this i actually suggest leaving her to it tbh :/ it sounds harsh but if you dont then you will hear her cry all the time. Its like tough love, hopefuly it will make her think about what it does to you.
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female
reader, DenimandLace44 +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Did she start taking birth control pills about the time her emotions went crazy? They can cause the tears. I think she needs to see a doctor. As hard as it would be, you have to talk to her about this. Face to face. It will be easier than a breakup..which is what will happen if you dont talk to her.
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female
reader, Hours  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Hey,
your girlfriend really is very very emotional. And you obviously care about her very much.
I have this friend that cries a lot also. When I tried to talk to her that she is too emotional, she felt like I hurt her feelings :S Soon she started crying every time when we go out to have some fun. Everybody's been joking about her softness. I guess some people are just too emotional.
So, my advice is that you say to her that you care for her and that you can't see her cry, that she shouldn't take everything to her heart.
It's hard because emotional people take every word you say to them very personal.
I wish you the best!
Ivana
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male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 This one piece of advice is directed more at you than her...do not bottle your feelings up. Chances are that will only come back to bite you in the ass.
As for your girlfriend, she is going to have to learn to deal with her own emotions. I am willing to bet that there is really only one source of sadness in her life and it is causing her to express it through even the smallest problems. So if you can, try and find it, unfortunately, I have no idea how you can go about doing that because I don't know either of you.
Taking control of her life...you can help her do that. What is it she really needs to take control of? Is it her school work or her family or her body? It could be any number of things but you need to show her proof that she can do it and it is quite possible.
I hope that helps.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): I am replying from the other side of the story - as in, i'm the girl who cries all the time in my relationship.
You really need to just sit her down and talk through it. My boyfriend struggled to cope with my emotional problems for almost a year. He really tried to help me, suggested things for me to do, tried to be there for me every day (but it was difficult with uni and stuff) and he would talk to me on the phone, online etc. My emotional problems were getting out of control, I was borderline on depression, near suicidal.
He finally snapped one night and he just straight out told me that he couldn't cope with it anymore, he wasn't sure about our relationship, and was confused. It really made me realise how selfish I was being, depending on him all the time for support, expecting him to make me feel better.
Things you can suggest though is that she talk her problems out with friends. I found myself that I hadn't been with friends for a while, but being with them really helped me. Also, it sounds like she may have confidence issues/low self esteem, so don't expect her to be motivated straight away.
You really want to talk to her about it though, because trust me when I say, you don't want to let it get as far as I did. It's not something that I ever want to experience again. You can show her my reply if you like too.
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female
reader, Rosygirls92 +, writes (25 September 2010):
Nothing much you can do. If you've listened and done all that, and she's still weeping uncontrollably, you've either gotta accept it as a part of the relationship or just leave her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Hey bud!
To me, she is emotionally abusing you. Its possible she may be trying to manipulate you in some way. The girl may be depressed or have some sort of mental condition. This isnt normal. Youre a normal guy it sounds and shouldnt be with an unstable woman. Its normal for women to cry, for people to cry, but in this case, it sounds like something different that needs to be psychologically addressed. Does she drink? How does she cope? If she's using you as an outlet to take her frustrations out on, I find that immature, and very very childish. If youre scared of ending the relationship cause of her reaction, man up, and look at what is important for your own personal well being. If you feel like youre being manipulated or mistreated. Get out of this relationship. No one deserves that. She sees youre a sensitive guy and has taken advantage of that as you tolerate her nonsense every day. Dont let women walk on you, she may be doing that here and I see signs of it. You def dont deserve that. Good luck.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Sounds like you found yourself a very emotional girl. There as to be some underlying reason why she cries so easily over silly things. Maybe she is just unhappy with her life. Make you could suggest to her to get counselling tell her that you hate seeing her so unhappy all the time and that it needs to get sorted as you want her to be happy. I hope this helps good luck.
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