A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: My girlfriend and I were together for 3 years. We have an age gap relationship. She’s 22 im 33. Out of all three years this one has had to be the most stressful. For the last 6 months I’ve been unable to make ends meet. If it’s not one thing it’s another.My situation started Valentine’s Day. My girlfriend purchased me a new pair of Nike Air Maxes and a nice T-shirt I had been whining about and I didn’t have anything to give her but a card and some candy. I felt so embarrassed at the fact she spent $200 on me. She was happy with her gift but deep down inside I felt like she had showed me up.I never told her how I felt about how much she spent on me and I wanted to try and get her another gift but I just didn’t have the funds. Then comes the beginning of March. I had got pneumonia in March and ended up missing numerous work days and had to be hospitalized as well. My ex took off paid leave came and stayed with me the whole week. She made sure I had eaten, she cooed for me, made sure I had medicine in my system. Because of me being terrible sick in March I was unable to pay my mortgage. My girlfriend volunteered to pay the remainder in the terms that I pay her back little by little so that it wouldn’t hinder me on paying my other important bills April comes and I finally get my hospital bill. While also being behind on other bills. Just put stress on me literally. I started getting upset about everything in life.One day in April my girlfriend was over and I started complaining about how I’d had the same pair of pants for 5 years and how every T-shirt that I had started to get stains and holes in it from wearing it too much. two days after that my girlfriend came over with a bag full of clothes basically replacing things that I had complained about in my closet. She spent $30 from goodwill which isn’t much but she did add more clothes to my closet. May comes and I can’t pay my mortgage again. And I had to borrow money from my grandfather to pay my rentals insurance I invited my ex to a family gathering at the end of May.TL:DR: I wanted her to finally meet my fathers side. And It was the worst mistake of my life.My ex humiliated me and made me feel like i wasn’t a great boyfriend. My ex told my family at a gathering about our relationship struggles and ended up telling them how she took off work when I was sick and how she’s been helping me and I broke up with her for not only airing our business but throwing me under the bus to people I have to see on a day to day basis. I ended it with her because I would never talk about her to a family member and it just showed me how little respect she had for our relationship she betrayed our bond .I need advice
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broke up, money, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 August 2019):
 She is only 22, yet WAY more mature than you.
SO ending it was definitely the RIGHT thing - for her. You WERE being a crappy ass BF.
A 22 year old should not be "taking care" of her MUCH older BF financially. Just no.
I hope you put your PRIDE away for a minute and see your OWN actions for what they were, PETTY.
And I hope you PAY her BACK every single PENNY she lend or helped you with. Because THAT is what DECENT person would do. And after you have paid her pack, LEAVE her alone so she can find someone who can appreciate her.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): Is there a way to explain what happened in a way that doesn't make you look like a jerk? I doubt it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): Typo correction:
" Is it because your family-members told you what a big mistake you've made?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): She didn't betray you. You're full of piss and pride. You're ungrateful and foolish for letting such a jewel slip through your fingers.
You're struggling! It happens to each and everyone of us at one time or another. If you have never struggled, you will someday. Struggle comes in many forms. Not just financial-hardships. Money can't protect you from life's calamities, heartbreak, and unforeseen challenges. It pays the bills, and buys you a lot of frivolous things you don't really need. You learn to survive on less, and you work hard to make up for losses. That's life! You thank God for even the tiniest of blessings, and more will come! He loves blessing people...good or bad!
She is very young and wanted them to know things are tough for you. Families come together to help each other. Everyone there can relate to your troubles, and they all love you! She wanted them to know how much she loves you, and wants to help you!
If you see them everyday, as you say; she didn't tell them anything they didn't already know! If you have no money, how does your mortgage get paid? How do you suddenly start wearing clothes no one has seen you wear before? How did you come upon such a sweet and generous young angel, who adores you and would do anything for you?
You need to get down on your knees and pray to your Creator. You need to ask Him to replace your pride with gratitude; and thank Him for sending such an angel into your life. Then you should ask Him to forgive you for breaking her heart; and not turning to Him for help when you were struggling. Instead, you spat on His blessing; hurt the one who shows you love, and now you're coming here looking for justification for an impetuous and foolish act. God sends us help through other people. He gives us grace, even when we are undeserving. I won't applaud your huge mistake. I will give you advice from a place of love and compassion. I know pain and suffering, I know hardship. I've been there, and I've done that! Although I've had privilege and advantages too!
No sir, you were not justified at all. Your struggles come from too much pride and not enough thankfulness. Having second-thoughts?
God had to take her out of your life, because you didn't recognize a blessing when you had it. It's not God's fault for doing right by your girlfriend, it's your fault for being so proud you didn't see her youthful naivete. Shrug it off, and absorb your embarrassment like a man. You behaved like a boy!
Why did you come to DC? Is it because your family-members told you what a big mistake you;ve made? I will pray for you and your girlfriend, my friend!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 August 2019):
 Were you justified ? no, you weren't ; in fact, I have to cut you a lot of slack because you have been struggling so long with health and finances that it's normal if these issues have been gnawing at you and sort of eroding your mental lucidity- otherwise your reaction ( or overreaction, actually ) sounds so irrational, unwarranted, ungrateful and spiteful , to make you look… well, insane.
Of course, context is everything. IF your GF had started right off the bat bragging to your parents how she did this and that for their wimpy loser of a son, and how, if she been there to help you, you were not going to be able to keep your head above water , so you owe her big time… well, yes, she would have lacked in class, , intelligence and compassion , then yes, that could have been objectionable. But for some reason I am pretty sure that this not at all how thing went down, and that your gf just sort of opened up honestly ( and naively ) about your recent struggles, and her attempts to support you and help you, in the course of a normal conversation about how life had been treating you two lately, or something like that.
I'd suggest you to get a grip, for your own sake, OP, and also try and face reality. It is what it is. She made you feel like you weren't a great boyfriend ? Well,- you were NOT a great boyfriend, I think many other girls, more materialistic, more practical, would have decided to have you filed under
" big millstone around my neck " and decided promptly to fly solo, or, in fact, with some other guy who's got his s..t a bit more together than you do. Instead , she chose to act not just like a lover but also as a best friend, and a mother to you, and to help you out as much as she could. And this is what she gets for her trouble (:
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female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (6 August 2019):
 OP, you screwed up BIG time and I mean big time. You just let a wonderful woman slip right through your hands and I have a feeling that you are too immature and ignorant to realize what you have done. I feel sorry for you. All she did was love you, look out for you and try to make things easier for you and your overinflated ego couldn't handle it. In the end, you did her a favor. You don't deserve her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe made me look like a loser. Things like this are supposed to be known on a need to know basis i wouldn’t talk to her family about her shortcomings. She violated my privacy and trust and talked to vindictive people about me that’s two faced
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): What I see as sad is that a 22 year old has it more together money wise and emotionally than a 33 year old.Yes she did dodge a bullet...she can do much better.
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male
reader, N91  +, writes (6 August 2019):
 Jesus, are you for real? She sounds like a saint! What a caring and loving woman. Looking after you and treating you when you’re in a poor financial state, being understanding and accepting that you couldn’t reciprocate at the time and you repay her back saying she’s showing you up? Dude are you living on this planet?
YOU are the one deciding to take it this way. She isn’t trying to show you up or humiliate you, how could you honestly think that from her actions? She is trying to treat you and raise your spirits. If you weren’t happy with what she said to your family then why not just tell her in private? Why would your first response be to break up? She’s more than likely taken this really poorly and is wondering what went wrong when she was treating you so well, this has probably shattered her confidence and for what? Because YOU have misinterpreted the whole situation and feel emasculated. You need to get a grip man, you’ve fucked up big time here, you’ve lost someone who’s wife material.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): You posted the exact same question on "Reddit" last week, so my response will be the same as what my answer would have been on "Reddit":
You did her a MASSIVE favour by breaking up with her. This girl wasn't even your wife, yet she helped you out hugely with money, buying you clothes and nursing you back to health. Now that is "wife material" right there, and you took her for granted (don't try to deny it). This girl did all these things because she was young, naïve and in love with you. Honestly, she could do a lot better. Your gf is probably the best you will ever do in terms of girlfriends. No other self-respecting woman would tolerate this crap.
The only reason you're pissed off is because she (innocently and honestly) exposed how much of a leech you were in the relationship/how much you took her for granted by telling your family the truth. You have money problems and have borrowed money from family - of course they'd be curious about what was going on. Your gf simply told them the TRUTH. You're just pissed because you've been caught out and had your ego bruised.
She certainly dodged a bullet. As for you, focus on getting your shit together and taking care of yourself.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): This young woman, carried you for months, identified your needs before you did, saved you from losing your house, and you dumped her for embarrassing you in front of your family?
Yeah, you don't deserve her. Maybe in time you'll see that your pride is your biggest enemy. I hope you continue to pay all that money back with interest.
What a fool.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI never said I didn’t appreciate her. It’s not the fact that she talked about us it’s who she talked about us to. I wouldn’t talk about her to her family. Somethings are meant for the public and some are private she crossed a boundary. My struggles are meant for me and no one else
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 August 2019):
 Yes, you did the right thing in ending the relationship. She deserves someone who appreciates her instead of blaming her for everything that goes wrong in his life. She's dodged a bullet in my opinion. If she has any brain cells at all, she will stay well away from you.
It's not like she was discussing your sex life with your family. She was simply telling them how supportive she had been of you. As it was the first time she had met them, she was probably trying to make a good impression and show them what a good girlfriend she had been. Doesn't sound like she lied about anything or exaggerated it, just told it as it was. I assume she wasn't mocking you but just recounting what had been happening? Do you not think SHE was stressed during this run of ill health that you had? SHE was the one having to find extra money to help you out. SHE was the one taking time off work to look after you.
You, sir, are an ungrateful and entitled man. Let her go to find someone who appreciates and deserves her. She sounds like a diamond and you certainly do not deserve her.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): Shame on you for even daring to complain here. You took your ex for granted. To you, she is just someone who is here to help you. I don't think you even loved her in the first place, you'd only love yourself. Everything must be about you.
Firstly, for Valentine's day, you are the one that whined like a child for a pair of Nikes shoes and shirt. So when she really bought what you have been lamenting 24/7 all day, you felt embarrased instead of gratitiude. You felt she'd done this on purpose just to show that she's better than you. WHICH SHE IS.
Secondly, she basically took care of you like a mum while you were sick in the hospital. She even offered to help you with your mortagages. But your only concern was on you yourself. "Oh woe is me", did you ever stop to think that she might be in fiancial issues herself, that she has her own bills to settle?
And lastly, what's wrong with wearing the same pair of pants for 5 years? My jeans and pants are all over 10 years old, and still in good condition. Your shirts has holes, oh boo hoo....Have you ever heard of sewing and mending them? Which millions of people around the world are doing. We use a needle and a thread and sew back those holes in our clothes.
And I don't see anything wrong with what your ex did. Did she did all those things that she told your family members about? So what's wrong with that? Are you telling me that you dare to borrow from her but was afriad to let others know?
Please stop thinking about yourself and put yourself in her shoes. Have you stop to consider her struggles in this relationship? Most likely, she has expressed her concerns to you previously but you brushed them off lightly. Because in your head, you are too pre-occupied with yourself to see what she had to go through.
To be honest, I feel it is a good thing that you two broke up. So she could find someone much better than you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s not the fact that she told my business it’s who she told it to I’d never talk about her to her family member
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 August 2019):
 No, I think she showed herself as a great girlfriend who acted as a wife. Just looking at the title I was thinking something about infidelity. Her only mistake was not knowing how fragile your ego was. She did not buy the presents, take care of you, and pay bills for you to make you look bad. She did all that because she loved you. You repaid her by breaking up. I don't know what she's supposed to say in front of family members. Make up stories of what else she's doing in life besides being with you and helping you? I don't know how telling them about helping you negated all the good she did. Repay her little by little, then think about where the relationship should go. Do you have financial goals so you can take care of her, pamper her with gifts, or do you want to give up because of a bad start? Because of her naivete and bluntness with your family members? If she loves you like she proved to you in the last few months, she's probably in shock and has no idea what just happened.
You two are on a different page. You think she would mind if you told her family members how she's struggling and you'd been helping her the whole time? Isn't it what relationships are about? Maybe what you needed was space, not help. That's what she didn't understand.
If you explained to her why you broke up with her, she is going to think how family members see you is more important than your relationship. That probably is the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2019): I don't see why? You would find her saying she took care of you and time off work as a big no no to your family . Now if she mentioned paying your mortgage and getting you clothing I could see your concern. But I have explained when my father was sick and needed care I took time off . I'm not bragging simply explaining a time in father and my own life. When people asked .
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