A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:my girlfreind of 2 yrs doesn't like have sex anymore. I ask her why and she replies" because im tired of it and its not my first priority". Ive asked her if she was cheating on me she always tell me no that she loves me but just doesn't want to have sex. To me its like she like masturbating more than have sex with me. ive tried to talk to her but it always end in a arguement. its gotten to the point where i hesitate to ask her for sex because i know that word no is going to come out her mouth. ive also asked her if she was still happy with me or am i boring to her now. she says no im am happy to be with you. ok ive accepted the no sex part but than it seem like her affection for me is also going down. it seems lately its nothing but rejection from her. for a man this makes your self esteem go way down. is she cheating on me or have her eye out for someone else thats why she masturbating so much. anyone out there i need help. im stuck in a delima idont want to leave her or cheat on her what can i do to get that spark back she just to have for me. need help beore our relationship goes the the toilet.
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self esteem, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): HONESTLY I stopped sleeping with my "then b/f now ex" bc I just flat out didnt want to be with him anymore. Sex is sometimes the first thing to go when a relationship dies. At least it did in mine.
A
female
reader, shelleyanne +, writes (7 November 2008):
 I doubt this is just a sex thing. When women are stressed or feeling insecure in other ways sex is usually the first thing to go. Talk to her. Are there any outside factors that could be putting stress on her, such as work or family? Stress kills the sex drive.
How is your relationship, the sex issue aside? She says everything is fine, but is your intuition telling you otherwise?
Could you possibly give her an ultimatum? Ask her to attend couples therapy or a sex therapist with you. If she refuses, tell her the rejection is too much for you. If she isn't willing to do that for you, then you shouldn't be willing to wait around for her to realize what she's missing by treating you this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): If you're not willing to cheat or leave you've only got one option, and that's to accept the situation. Personally, I wouldn't. I'd call it off and find someone who was willing to share their body with mine as much as I would share mine with theirs. I'd let her know that I need to get my leg over once in a while and if she wasn't willing I'd find someone that was.This doesn't bode well for the future my friend!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2008): Did she enjoy sex before or did she do it out of a sense of duty? If she enjoyed sex at one point and then stopped, I'd say more is going on than she's saying. Perhaps she is tired of you or there is someone else in the picture. If she's never particularly been a sexual person, then perhaps she has grown tired of going through the motions and would prefer lifestyle without it. It's hard to say what's going on from your description. On your end, if there is no compromise to be had, you are going to have to decide if you can be happy in a sexless relationship. If you can't, there's no shame in moving on.
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A
male
reader, Austinalive +, writes (7 November 2008):
Well, first it think sex shouldn't be your priority too. Have read your own words? throw realationship to the toilet just because she doesn't want to have sex? what about chattin? laughing? isn't it worth?
Now, you should be careful with what's happening to your girl. It seems is not phisycal but psycologycal. A trauma, harrasment, homosexuality, don't know. Whatever it is, don't push, but help her. Maybe it's nothing, or maybe you're not satisfaying her, in wich case you'd need to improve yourself.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Gio  +, writes (7 November 2008):
Hi,
The first thing that comes to my mind when I read your question is 'is he giving her attention in other ways?' 'is she feeling like a sex object only?'. If your answer is that she maybe feels that way, then perhaps you need to make her feel you are not with her just for the sex. Stop asking her for a while, until you can talk to her calmly about this subject. What she feels when you are together, explain to her what is for you to have sex with her, how close it makes you feel to her, as if you were two parts of a machine that need to be together in order to function properly, that she is that complement to you. Let her know her happiness is important to you.
Perhaps she is not enjoying sex, feeling you dont try to please her as much as you want to be pleased but doesn't know how to let you know? Things like these that you could help with.
Hope this helps.
Gio
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