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writes: hi I have just had a big uproar with my girl. It all started cos she said that she had feelings for another lad, but she does not want to lose me. I still love her and now she is trying to make her mind up. How can I help her choose me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Tramac  +, writes (10 September 2010):
THIS IS WHAT YOU DO...First for two days you text and email random reasons why you love and adore her. Throw in a few compements ETC...You'll know what to say.Then, On the second day send this to her at the end of the night.********(be sure to reword it to fit your situation********Tonight I've been thinking about you still, as I have been for days. I've been looking for something, some sign, some glimmer of hope that you could still be mine. I've held on to the idea that you were truly torn between myself and another and the better man would win your affection.I feel as If I'm fighting for you with all my heart while my opposition simply does nothing but push you away. One look at your diary of Facebook postings has told me that while I poor my everything into winning your heart you poor your heart into anothers.I think you have made you decision and are simply waiting on him to make his. I've gone as far as speculating our horoscope signs and thought to say it was written in the stars, I've been foolish enough to think about me being in your dreams and half jokingly say I'm the man of your dreams.It burdens me to think that it was he who left you and after a few half hearted words, despite my whole hearted effort, has won you back or worse, continues to push you away.I know how guarded you are but sometimes people put up walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down and here I am with nothing more than a bleeding fist still pounding on your walls of "steel."It hurts to think that someone could throw you away and with little to no effort gain your trust and compassion once again despite my tretch through the battlefields. If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes, if only for a day and only then would you realize how special you are and would never allow anyone to treat you as anything less.The time we had together was glorious and irreplaceable and although I feel as If I may never win I still know that if life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, I will give you a thousand reasons to smile, becauseeveryday for the past few weeks I caught myself smiling for no reason and then realized the reason was you.I feel as If my words of compassion fall on deaf ears and hearing myself say these truths out loud simply furthers my desire to win your heart. A heart I may never have.Up until this point I've been feeding you words of feeling and love only further hindering your capability to think and quite possibly pushing you further from me.I've done everything any man can. Before I knew, and also after. The only thing left for me is to drown my thoughts, suffocate my emotions and choke on my words before allowing them to reach my lips.I struggle to quit, and allowing fate to step in is more difficult for me than fighting for what I know is right. But for you I feel I must. I've been selfishly tugging at your heart in an attempt to break down your walls and if you’re going to be mine it should be you who realizes how much I care rather than me convincing you.I've said everything you needed to hear, I've pled my case and can now wear a smile knowing I’ve done all that I as a man can. I miss you, and could go on forever because even though you may not believe it, you are a very special girl.(YOUR NAME)Maybe add something like (you can chase a butterfly through a field and never catch it but if you sit in silence it will find you and land on your shoulder. somethings are worth waiting for even if with all your heat you wish to chase it.) You get the point... Then you sit back and do nothing. Maybe start working out and eating less.Get hair cut, buy new clothes and Fill your social calender... basically appear to have moved on... she will contact you within a week and when she calls play it cool like you care but not so much. she will see just how fine you are without her and won't be able to stop herself.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2007): its funny I am in the same situation. I am married with two kid and I also have an outside child. Am with both of them and I don't know who to choose. They are both waiting on me to decide hile they are in serious emotional pain. My wife treats me like a king and is the perfect woman but I love the other woman with all my heart. I am even depressed about it. I so want to run away but can't. My wife doesn't desrve me walking out on her and I run the risk of not receiving the same kind of life with the other woman. Its a big risk but I will do it for love. You might sk why not have my cake and eat it but no woman wants that. They want the whole package. Security. I am clueless and pressured mentally.I too need help.. so will you all respond to my situation as well.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2006): dump her. what right does she have to make you beg her for her love. either she loves you or she doesn't.. if she starts to stray now, whats to say she won't do it again in the future.
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
leave her to decide for her self think about it could you be with someone that has feelings for another guy? Give her time your both young and your hornmons are everywhere if she picks the other guy still be friends just move on. your young and you got all your life ahead of you good luck.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (5 September 2005):
 There's no helping anyone choose anyone. Really. Trust me. I'm an old broad, I've been around.
Because seriously, even if you make a great ploy by taking off and playing hard to get, you're not going to want the situation you're setting up for yourself, i.e., a woman who only wants what she doesn't think she can have.
If you decide to give her x amount of time to make up her mind, be prepared to stick to walk away if she doesn't come back with a clear answer and a big, fat apology.
Me? I'd walk away. But like I said, I'm older and have zero tolerance for this kind of ill-treatment from a boyfriend.
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female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (5 September 2005):
 Why should you help her choose you? If she cannot see the good person that you are ...isn't that her loss? You just have to wait on her ...that is all you can do. I personally feel you should not have to fight for someone's love...they either love you or they don't. Know your worth hug...don't ever let anyone make you less than you are.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (5 September 2005):
Sorry to hear about the bust up! You must be in shock. I'll tell you what to do, Give her loads of space, tell her you just want her to be happy and you want to give her plenty of room to breath and make her mind up. Tell her you'll be there for her as a friend if she needs you. Be as cool as a breeze, act like you got a million things to do and a million and one other girls waiting for you. Then smile and walk away! DO NOT CONTACT HER! Just stay away, get into your video games for a while or something and when you think about her just smile and say to yourself "GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT" This will only work if you follow my instructions exactly and do not contact her for any reason whatsoever. Good Luck.
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