A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am dating a girl who is 40 years old , it’s almost two months .We have great chemistry but I have one issue.She don’t want to have sex until we marry.She is not virgin ( someone raped her ) I don’t think she has to refuse sex If she is not virgin .What’s your opinion Thanks Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2019): Whether this is a windup just to upset the Aunts and Uncles, or you are an insensitive horses ass of a man, stop and think for a minute: if you had a loved on ie your sister or even your daughter, and she was raped and had her viginity stolen, when her hearts desire was to present herself pure, to her one and only Love, her husband, on their wedding night, how would you feel if she met some creep and two mo in, he told you, hey, she should just let me do her, since she is no virgin anyway? If you were any sort of honorable man, at all, I would hope that you would warn your daughter or sister or cousin or aunt, and run that creep off, away from your Loved one making it clear that he had better stay away, for the sake of his good health! If this is real, you may cause this woman, a horrible set back, to her psyche! How do you suppose GOD will view and judge a man, whos sex drive is more important to him, than the mental well being, of a woman who had her virginity stolen by a criminal rapist? Ponder that!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): She is a woman, not a girl at 40 years old!
Do you know what rape is? It's the crime of forcing someone to have sex against their will and consent; or with someone too young to have the judgement to consent.
You are demeaning her by the way you see this. She's tainted anyway, therefore you should be able to have your way with her???
You are over 40 yourself, and you have a boyish mind. It would be best she continues to refuse; maybe you might give-up and go-away. Unless you take a better attitude and develop an understanding beyond thinking with your penis; I would advise her to dump you!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): Are you a troll? No one owes you sex. Period. No exceptions, no excuses. She deserves better than you.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 She IS a virgin, OP. Rape is NOT sex. Rape is violating, traumatic, terrifying, brutal and SCARRING.
Even before she was ATTACKED, she may have wanted to wait until marriage because she was and still is a virgin. She has not had sex; she was RAPED. There is a HUGE difference.
If she doesn’t see a therapist, she should do because most survivors or rape can’t truly heal on their own.
HOWEVER, you are selfish and need to break up with her, so she can find someone who doesn’t think being raped means not being a virgin any more or that a woman should have sex with you, as though you are “owed” it. This post is incredibly ignorant, insensitive and compassionless.
If you were raped, would you want to be having sex with any random partner? If you say yes, you truly can’t even begin to understand what rape survivors go through and need to stop dating ANYONE until you grow some basic compassion and consideration.
Sorry, but I hope this is fake.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (25 November 2019):
 There are plenty of reasons not to want to have sex early in as relationship. I tend to agree with them but, that's me.
You are dating a survivor of sexual abuse of the worst kind. My first question ism't how is the sex life, My first question is do you get along with your couples counselor and are you getting therapy regularly.
Because, this is NOT something you can handle on your own.
You obviously need guidance, but she also may be thinking that she can navigate a new relationship without guidance. She is most likely wrong. At least do some research BEFORE talking to her about sex.
Yn short, people do heal and recover from rape, but the biggest factor is a patient and understanding partner. It is never easy to be that person.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 This must be a wind up, because I don't think anybody could be so ignorant and clueless ! … but hey, benefit of doubt, so , my dear misguided OP , please understand that :
no, she does not owe you sex. No woman owes you sex, whether she is stil a virgin or not, whther she is a single woman or a widow or a divorcee' etc.
She said , no sex before marriage; these are her conditions, if you don't like them- change woman.
Her position should be not that hard to understand, considering that she did not get rid of her virginity by her own will, but was °forced ° instead . That means that , whatever the reasons for her premarital abstinence may be ( religious, fear of pregnancy , whatever ) they always still hold true, and, in absence of physical threat or coercion, she CHOOSES to abstain from premarital sex .
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (25 November 2019):
 Wow! Just wow! Is this post for real? Are YOU for real?
Let her go. She doesn't deserve someone without a drop of empathy, someone who only thinks about his own sexual needs. If her only experience of "sex" was rape, why the hell would she want to repeat it? Every rape victim is severely traumatised by their experience. If she has not received help to get over it, she may NEVER want sex with you (or anyone).
I hope this is just a troll posting for "fun", otherwise I feel so sorry for this poor woman.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 Nobody OWES you sex just because they are not a virgin, nobody. You are not entitled to sex just because you have been dating somebody for two months who is not a virgin. Hell no!
Your girlfriend's body is hers to decide who she has sex with, and when, and its not your place to decide otherwise.
Also, your insensitivity towards her having been raped is way off kilter, where's your sense of compassion dude?
You asked for my opinion and I've given it to you.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (25 November 2019):
 You’re being extremely insensitive. She has been honest with you, she has opened up to you about a VERY traumatic and upsetting topic and the only thing you can come back with is that ‘she’s not a virgin so she shouldn’t be withholding sex from me should she?’
As JLS said, if someone says no, then that’s the answer. If you’re not happy with that answer then find someone else who wants to have sex before marriage, simple.
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A
female
reader, jls022 +, writes (25 November 2019):
This question surely can’t be real?
OP she was raped! Someone forcibly took her virginity from her in what must have been a very traumatic experience, yet you believe that she should now be willing to have sex with you because of it? RAPE IS NOT SEX OP!!
Even if she wasn’t a virgin you wouldn’t have the right to expect her to have sex with you on demand as it is her body and she has the right to decide when and who she gives it to. But in this case, your girlfriend IS still a virgin as she has not CHISEN to have sex with anyone yet. She has also made it clear that she doesn’t want to have sex until marriage. If you’re not happy with that, your only option is to end it and find someone who does want to have sex with you.
In fact, that’s good advice in general - whether you are talking about a virgin or not. If someone says no, they mean no. You don’t go looking for ways to make them do it anyway, you respect it.
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