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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Dear readers, I have quite the tricky situation on my hands and I would like to know what you guys would do if you were in my situation. Here it goes.Me and my girlfriend began dating on October 8th, 2008. We've been relatively okay, except we do get into arguments over nonsense things from time to time, I believe she may be a little needy. That besides the point however. Anyway, my brother and his girlfriend became engaged to be married last fall and decided that they would like to get married on October 9th (and no they didn't know that the 8th was our anniversary.) My brother has appointed me to be his best man, and since his wedding is going to be a 4 hour drive from where I live I'll have to be there well in advance, including my anniversary! Now my girlfriend did not take lightly to this, and even though it's a half a year off yet, she is up in my face like a monkey on banana bread. She's threatening me, saying that if I go to the rehearsal and the dinner that she very well may break up with me! I understand her point and told her I will do everything I can to have a special day with her, and told her we could do something the weekend before, anything! But she said it MUST be on the day or we will have no anniversary at all (she's implying we would break up.) Ahh! So I'm going to ask you experts for your advice and tips, what should I do? Am I wrong for wanting to be my brothers "best man" or am I "not caring" as my girlfriend puts it by not being able to spend the exact day of our 2 year dating anniversary with her?
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anniversary, engaged, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 Rent a tuxedo in which you look absolutely dashing,get an expensive haircut, smile and ask out the cutest among the bridesmaids :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (5 April 2010):
She is far too controlling to take back. Someone who tries too actually block you from being best man at your brother's wedding and actually storms off isn't worth the time of day. I really think you'd be better moving on from her, even if it hurts. Find a nice single girl to talk to at the wedding.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 She betted and lost. It is up to you to put her in her place. No one is perfect and to err is only human.
Forgive her and she have learned a lesson.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk guys, i told her how it was gonna be and that i was going to my bros wedding, so she stormed off and said it was over. i said ok, turned my car on and ran for the hills. Now she is wanting me back but she is crazy and i said no. Its over! Thanks for the advice lol. Now what do u suggest I do to forget about her and move on because yes i did love her very much even if she had her crazy moments.
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female
reader, jada101  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 How old is she 12! That just so stupid and selfish. How could you not go to your brother wedding. My boyfriend and i don't know what date we started going out. We just know what month. So we just pick whatever day in that month that we both are not doing somthing and celebrate. That's how much of a big deal it is... family is family girl come and go but family is there to stay. And just to let you know this was a stupid ? That you asked. You know you have togo to your brothers wedding nomatter what. If she leaves you, have a party. Thank god that she ended things with you. Why are people so crazy now a days
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female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (5 April 2010):
If she cannot reach a compromise with you , then it is time to review your relationship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): I'd go to the wedding. Relativesgf anyday
I'm a girl btw.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 April 2010):
 A second year anniversary of dating vs. being the best man in your brother's wedding? No contest. Wish her well as she goes off into the sunset and breathe a sigh of relief as she stomps off. Seriously, why are you tolerating this kind of ultimatum from her? This is crazy.
Your life is going to be exhausting, tending to her neediness. Be honest, you know what you want our answers to be, you know what they SHOULD be and I think you are secretly hoping she'll break up with you over this now. Time to take control of things again, and make up your own mind about whether you can tolerate a lifetime of 'me me me me'....
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 April 2010):
Frankly, stuff your girlfriend. She's way too controlling to be making this decision. Your brother will need you there as his best man at his wedding. That will matter a huge amount to him. You let your girlfriend blackmail you into this, and you'll regret it because that will be your life. You can afford to lose her. You can't afford to lose your brother.
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female
reader, boo22 +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I'm sorry hun but your girlfriend is being ridiculous.
Of course your brothers wedding comes first. ITS YOUR BROTHERS WEDDING!
Stop indulging her spoilt nonsense. Aren't you taking her to the wedding? What's stopping you both having a nice time there. It's just a day, and if she was a more grown up she'd understand that
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 April 2010):
your gf sounds totally unreasonable. How old is she, 12 ? That would be the only possible excuse, because any young adult,or even a teenager, would understand that this is your brother's wedding we are talking about, not the wedding of some work colleague or gym mate, which you could excuse yourself from. Does not she care that your brother - and the rest of yr family I suppose - would be upset if you should skip the wedding ? Does not she care that YOU would be sad to miss such an important family event ? Then she is awfully selfish, and if she should break up with you over this- she would be doing you a big favour .
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): Has your girlfriend been invited to the wedding? Either way, she is threatening you and thats not a good sign for your future. Its not as if its even a wedding anniversary or birthday. And even if it was im sure most reasonable partners would want their beloved to be by his brothers side at such an important time. Shes basically tellimg you she has to be more important to you than your friends or family. And her needs and wishes will always have to come before yours or the banana bread will come out again. Its your call. But id put my brother before anyone that treated me with so little thought or kindness. She sounds selfish and spoilt quite frankly. Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): No offense man, but your girlfriend sounds like a headcase, and an extraordinarily selfish one at that. Threatening to break up with you if you go to your brother's wedding to fulfil your duties as best man? What a joke. "A little needy" is an understatement, that's for sure.
If I were in your shoes, hearing her say that would actually make me question whether or not I wanted to stay with her at all. If she's this nutty and controlling now, just imagine her in five years; you'll be a lapdog! Red flags all over the place.
Put your foot down, tell her you're going to the wedding and that's that. There's nothing wrong with celebrating your anniversary on a different day. If she can't accept that and she decides to break up with you, you're better off, trust me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): I think you should go to you brothers wedding I mean how could you not, he 's your brother and he has asked you to be his best man, Your girlfriend will have to get over herself, and realise that the world does not revolve around her. If she finishes with you over it then, I think you are better off without her.
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A
male
reader, OrangeJuice +, writes (4 April 2010):
 It seems your girlfriend is a bit controlling, or is insecure about how much control she has in your relationship and she thinks she needs more. I think it is perfectly reasonable for you to celebrate the week after or the week before, your brothers wedding is a very important event and you not being there especially when he asked you to be his best man could be very hurtful to him. In my opinion, you should stand your ground and tell your girlfriend that you are willing to celebrate the weekend before or after, or just lightly celebrate on the 8th. There is no need for her to be so demanding of you. and if she is not accepting of this, then it is her loss leaving you for such a trivial matter.
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