A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well my problem is that my best friend wants to move 1200 miles away to Texas to be with his ldr girlfriend. I don't agree with it at all but haven't said anything because he seems so happy. Personally I feel there that no boyfriend or girlfriend is worth it to leave everything you've ever known and all of your family and friends behind. It just seems like a big middle finger to everyone else that cares about him, including me. And yes I know I shouldn't take it personally but he's my best friend and I kind of resent his gf for talking him into going so far away. What should I do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you SeeingStars I think you're absolutely right, talking to him about it would help. He talks about her and the move every time I see him but I usually just listen because I didn't think it would do any good to tell him how much I'd miss him and how sad it makes me that he'll be so far away. It will probably give me some sense of closure now that I think of it and yes, we'll surely stay in touch. He did this in the past twice, both times he was gone for about a year and lived too far away for me to visit and aside from telling him I missed seeing him he had no idea how much it affected me. He came back here twice during each time so at least I know this time he'll still visit every so often. It does feel like a loss though, we make plans and hang out at least twice a week and it just won't be the same once he moves. But I think we'll be okay, our friendship never changed and grew stronger even when he was gone for long periods of time in the past. Thank you. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): There isn't anything you can do if he has made up his mind. However, I think the way you are feeling is natural and understandable. If he is your best friend, the thought of him leaving and going far away must feel like a big loss, and of course you will feel resentful towards his girlfriend. But I don't think there are any bad guys here. If your friend is happy with his girlfriend, it may be a good choice for him.
I think you should try and tell him how you feel. What I mean by that is, tell him you feel sad, and will miss him. I think it might help you if you expressed it to him. If you are friends, it shouldn't come as a surprise to him. Maybe you could agree on a way to stay in touch. Like phone calls, or regular e-mails. You can still have contact with him, surely. I know it won't be the same, but it will be something.
Right now, it must feel upsetting for you, and as I said, it is natural. But I think that, gradually, it will get better, and you will start to accept him decision and may even feel positive about it for him. It is not wrong to miss your friend. But it sounds like he is ready to move into new experiences. It may feel like a huge loss right now, but it will get better with time.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 "There's more to life than that one person ":
Correct.
And the same applies to you.ONE of your loved ones is moving. The others stay.
That should help you contain your feelings of loss within manageable levels.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo those of you telling me I'm jealous and should just shut up and deal with it you obviously can't read. I said in my question I haven't said anything, and for therecord I don't ever plan to say anything. He has no idea what my true opinion is but I can't help feeling the way I do. Being told to just get over it is the least helpful advice that could possibly be offered.
There are plenty of people in one's own city to build a life with that won't require such a drastic life change. It's my personal opinion and doesn't mean I'm scorned jealous or never knew love, and I'm not imposing it on anyone. All I was looking for is advice for how to cope, not to be scolded and told I'm selfish for being sad my best friend is leaving. I can't help how I feel, he's like a brother to me and I love him dearly.
To Cindy Cares, he's been in this relationship for only six months, barely knows the girl and has a great job and opportunities and lots of friends and family here. So yes that's a big middle finger. It would be different if it was a really great job or school, but dropping everything for a relationship that's only lasted a few months just seems foolish. Theres more to life than that one person.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 October 2010):
 Not your life, not your decision.
I moved across the country to just hang out for a few weeks, ended up meeting a great guy and staying there for 4 years. Then we got married, and now we're in Hawaii which is even farther away!! If I hadn't packed up and had the guts to leave the home I love, I would have missed out on the greatest fella in the universe for me.
I love my friends and my family more than you could possibly imagine, and I'm so excited to finally move back to be closer to them in a few years, but love makes you do crazy things and sometimes has to take priority. Life is very boring if you stay put in one place forever, going to Texas might bring him all kinds of new adventures that he'd miss out on otherwise. If he is happy, support him and start saving for your plane ticket to go visit. Good luck!
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female
reader, LilPixie  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 I had to move to england from germany with my mum so that she could be with her boyfriend.
I moved 3 hours away from my old home about a month ago to be with my ldr boyfriend.
My best friends boyfriend moved in with her a couple of days ago after being in an ldr as well.
Leaving the people that you care about is never easy. But he must love this girl a lot if he is willing to move so far just to be with her. And if you're his friend like you say you should be happy for him that he's found someone who makes him happy and support him.
I moved because I love my boyfriend and I don't know what I'd do without him, and being in an ldr was making both of us miserable.
It's not like you'll never get to see him again and you can still stay in touch over internet. So, like others have said, get over it!
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male
reader, PM  +, writes (3 October 2010):
 You may think that this is a bad decision but it is his decision to make because it is his life to live. You might have his best interests in mind and might think that abandoning his whole life to be with his girlfriend is drastic, and you may be right, but if that's what he wants to do then that's what he'll do.
The best thing you can do as a friend is to make sure that he's prepared to make the adjustment to a new state, new city and completely new situation. He's the one who's moving away from his life. You will have yours to support you when he moves, but all he'll have his girlfriend which may or may not be enough. Focus on making sure that he's okay not that you think he's making a mistake.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (3 October 2010):
Strange way of thinking. So, any time one is moving to pursue the chance of a better life, of more happiness- is showing the finger to family and friends ? In your opinion,
family and friends 's satisfaction is always more important than one's own satisfaction ?
What if you get offered your dream job 1000 miles away from home ?
Do you mean one is allowed to fall in love only with the neighbour next door ?
Life is all about changing,evolving, improving all you can improve- including your chances at true love. That may mean going away . It's just life !
I think that you may have a little ( or big ) soft spot for this "best friend ", and you are simply a bit jealous.
Your feelings are natural, and nothing to be ashamed of,- but if you are a good friend , don't rain on his parade and don't spoil his happiness and excitement with bad moods and long faces .
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Stop being selfish!
How can you say that...all I got from that question was what you felt and what you wanted. What about these 2 people who are in a relationship and happy together? Would you rather watch your best friend get hurt and struggle through a LDR or a break up than his happiness. The amounts of times people have moved places for someone they love is endless, heck my entire family of 4 moved countries for a better life. And our family said the same as you, that we were pulling a middle finger. That is horrible, it's trying to guilt trip him to stay, because YOU can't handle him leaving.
I'm sorry if this comes across harsh, but you need to hear it. It would really hurt your friend if he heard this, you're meant to be happy for him, support him, because you are meant to be his best friend. He is not abandoning you, but life does not stay the same for ever.
So advice? Suck it up
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Get over yourself....are you kidding me? So what if you don't think no man or woman is "worth" moving hundreds of miles to be with...that's probably because, you have never been in love or found someone worth that kind of gesture because, if you did...you wouldn't be speaking this way. I wouldn't be shocked if you are jealous of your friend and there is no way you can wish him well writing this kind of foolishness. It's hard enough to find a half way decent person to be with so if your friend has found someone who is at least 85% of who he wants, then be happy for him and stop acting like some jealous and scorned woman. You are just his friend NOT his girlfriend. You aren't pleasing him sexually, you aren't building a life together with him, you aren't investing anything into the relationship with him...you are just his friend, so focus on that part of the relationship you share with him.....once again GET OVER YOURSELF.
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