A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I used to think my husband and i were quite strong and that he loved me but now i am not so sure we had a party and my friend came, she has lost a lot of weight and looks real good now i on the other hand am over weight i am trying to lose it though. she flirted with him all night saying she would marry him if he was not taken and other such things she even took all her clothes off to show her body off I just thought she was embarassing herself and asked her to get dressed but they then both turned on me and ripped me to pieces saying such hurtfull things she even lent over and sneezed in my face and said "have that" at which my husband laughed. I now feel hurt and betrayed but im not sure where to go from here.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2008): sneezed in my face ...Hmmm why dont you every time he make love to you do the same to him?
A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (16 July 2007):
 She isn't a friend hunni. A friend wouldn't treat you like that no matter how hot they thought you husband was or whatever.
And your husband is bang outta order for backing her up instead of taking your side. I don't blame you being hurt and betrayed as the one person who should have stood by you didn't. He needs to know that he made a complete ass of himself and how much he hurt you hunni.
You need to have it out with your husband but first I would decide where you want to go. Do you want to stay with him, or separate? Have a good think but make sure you let him know how much he's hurt you.
xxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (13 July 2007):
 It's shameful enough to take off all your clothes infront of somebody like that, but it is absolutely disgraceful to think that it was an attempt to seduce your husband right in front of you. The man should be disgusted with himself for taking her side, when you were the only one acting decently.Your so called "Friend" needs to hurry up and adjust to the fact that she lost weight, and celebrate it in a tasteful fashion, instead of like some kinda slut. And as for your husband, it was one thing for him not to condone the actions of this "friend", but it's another thing to have supported it!You should stay clear of this "friend" permananty unless she can pull a pretty nice appology out of somewhere, and unless your husband can do something bloody spectacular to apologise to you with, then he should be told to take a walk as well.
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A
male
reader, mesoreal  +, writes (13 July 2007):
 your man is already cheating on you. LEAVE
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A
female
reader, Jen advice +, writes (11 July 2007):
 Hi hun
Well she aint much of a friend, i would'nt even call her a friend..kick her to the kirb, rat! A true friend would'nt do that to you...and neither would a good husband kick them both to the kirb... go out meet some decent friends and a decent man!
Jen advice x
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A
female
reader, misunderstoodgirl +, writes (10 July 2007):
 this person is truly not ur freind if she acts in such a rude way towards you she clearly has no respect for you and you should ditch her as for your husband you should tell him how you feel about the way you were treated and if he still doesnt understand maby you should think hard about why you arewith him . your body and weight is not the problem here your husband clearly is and i agree with stina fully. xx hope i helped xx
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (10 July 2007):
 She isnt a friend. I would suggest you forget about this friend completely! As for your husband, you need to talk to him, explain your feelings, and how hurt you are about his reaction to the sneezing and that whole night. He needs to know and if you feel strong enough, make him understand you feel the relationship is going the wrong way.. Mail me if u want to talk x x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): I think your friends weight loss has gone to her head... flirting around your husband to show off? Not the act of a friend. Get rid - you'll never feel the same way or trust her again anyway. Waste of energy. As for your husband.... I have a husband who takes everyone else's side in a confrontational situation and he never sticks up for me or what is 'right'. I'm seeking separation because trust me you can only take it so many times before it commpletely undermines your confidence. Is this the first time you have felt wronged in this way? I doubt it. His disloyalty in that situation says a lot for his feelings towards you. Step 1 - forget your friend totally. Step 2 - take a long hard look at your husband. What would have happened if you weren't there? Be strong. Your weight is NOT the issue - don't blame yourself.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (10 July 2007):
 I certainly wouldn't sit down with the "friend" like the one aunt suggested, I'd slam the door in her face forever. As far as your husband is concerned I'd ask what exactly were his thoughts when he behaved this way towards you. He'd better be pretty damn contrite, if he doesn't think his behavior was atrocious and apologise then you may want to separate for awhile. He was a perfect ass.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (10 July 2007):
Stina has said it all. Ditch the 'friend'. Your husband should get one chance (max) to make up to you for how he as behaved. Or no chance, it's a close call.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Totally TOTALLY agree with Stina, ditch that friend!!
xx
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Eddie always has insightful things to say. In this case, I'm with him and with Stina.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2007): Hey, this is awful of your friend AND husband, obviously she is not a real friend, has she said sorry? or does she still flirt with your husband? your husband should NEVER laugh at you and should stick up for you! as for your friend sit down with her and your husband and ask them what is going on. Tell your friend you do not feel comfortable with her flirting with your husband.If this goes on any further then i suggest you find a new friend and a new husband because you deserve better.
GOOD LUCK
JESS XXXX
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (10 July 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
Oh. My. God. That woman is NOT your friend. How long have you been friends with her? To be honest, it sounds to me like she used you to get to your man. She is a disgusting individual and I would cut all contact with her. If she were really your friend, she would not have sneezed in your face, she would never have flirted with your husband, and she definitly would never EVER have stripped for him. She is trash.
Okay, moving on to your husband. What in the world was going through his head?? A husband should not tolerate this kind of behavior from their wife's so-called friend. Even if he was drinking, there is no excuse. Obviously he must have been flirting back or she wouldn't have taken off her clothes for him. And how dare he say anything hurtful to YOU during this whole ordeal?? There is no excuse. I cannot believe that he laughed when that piece of trash sneezed in your face.
All of that being said - have you ever had any problems with your husband before? Has he ever acted this callous and hurtful toward you and/or the relationship? I think it's high time that you two had a serious talk about what this marriage means to the both of you. I don't think he takes it seriously at all. If he's going to keep emotionally abusing you like this, I think it's best to get a divorce and move on from this individual. I don't think it's out of line to suggest couples counseling, either.
Listen, you need to be assertive and tell your husband you won't tolerate any of the emotional distress he's put you through. You need to put your foot down because what he did to you is unconscionable. I think anyone in your postiion would feel hurt and betrayed. Instead of stand by you, he decided to kick you while you were down. I would tell him if he wanted to salvage what's left of the relationship and fix it back to what it was, then he would have to work with you - and that includes not speaking with this friend anymore, supporting you (NOT DEGRADING YOU) when it comes to you losing weight, be EMOTIONALLY supportive otherwise, and whatever else it takes to rebuild the trust that was once there. (Again, I think this is where counseling woud help tremendously.)
Usually I'm one for working things out, but this is one of the few times when I think divorce is not a bad option. Perhaps you'd want to do a trial seperation?
But the bottom line of all of this is that you shouldn't have to tolerate that disgusting behavior from either of these individuals. These people were supposed to be your friend and your husband, and they acted like anything but. Try to stay strong - you obviously are at a higher level than these two. Be proud of yourself for not taking on the qualities of them. Ditch the friend (if she tries to contact you, ignore her. Nothing good will come of talking with this mess.) and figure out if your marriage is worth saving by attending couples counseling and perhaps having a trial seperation.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (10 July 2007):
 IT sounds like they are a little strange. It also sounds like you're a little insecure about your weight. Lose the wright and maybe lose the friend. Are you guys the swinging type. Most people don't get naked at parties unless they feel nobody will notice.
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