A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need advice...I did something extremely stupid one night after one too many and it resulted in my pregnancy.The complicated issue here is that the father is also my first cousin he is my fathers nephew (hes my aunts son).After more than fifteen years we finally saw each other and one thing led to another after one too many...I know it was foolish and Im super scared...I have children already..Im debating abortion, I have always been pro-life so Im not sure on this one...Im scared because it may have physical and or mental issues because we are blood related..I havent told him and Im sure he will want me to get rid of it..What do I do..?No one in my family knows anything and Im sure if it gets out we will both be disowned...
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2009):
 I will add one final thought, from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incest#Between_adult_cousins"Marriages and sexual relationships between cousins are viewed differently in many cultures, in both law and religion. In most countries, marriage between cousins is legal, though some religious and cultural restrictions exist in these same nations. Some jurisdictions, notably many in the United States follow a more restrictive doctrine and legally prohibit such marriages as incestuous.[34] Consanguineous unions remain preferential in North Africa, the Middle East and large parts of Asia, with marriage between first cousins being particularly common.[35] Communities such as the Dhond of Pakistan clearly prefer marriages between cousins as they ensure purity of the descent line, provide intimate knowledge of the spouses, and ensure that patrimony will not pass into the hands of "outsiders".[36] No nation today prohibits second cousin marriage or any marriage between members of farther blood relations."------Let's all respect that there are genuine different viewpoints on the topic, and that the US apparently is more restrictive in many jurisdictions on the point than other countries in the world. Hence we approach the entire topic from a different perspective. We need to be sensitive to language, tone and the use of potentially inflammatory terminology, not just in these types of questions, but in all our posts here.It really would have helped to know which state our poster resides in, so some of this acrimony could have been headed off at the pass, so to speak.I try my best when I post on medical issues to be sure of my facts and cite references whenever possible. I feel anyone posting on this topic who throws around terms like "physical or mental defects" and "incest" should be damn sure of their facts before adding more fuel to an unnecessary fire.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 November 2009):
And with that post from "marriedlady", this question is being closed until such time as the original poster, who seems to have stopped providing followups, sends me a PM to have it opened again so she can post again on it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Let's cut to the chase here. 1)Obviously you have access to the internet. Google these suggested links and whatever other ones you can and get informed. 2)If you are going to get an abortion, quit talking about all of the other issues and do it. (Not what I would recommend but then you are the driver of this train.) * if this is your choice you need not read further. 3)If you are not going to abort, make the decision to adopt or to keep. This needs to involve the father and your family if they are going to be involved in the care and support of the child. 4)You need to see a Doctor and be honest about your situation. We care and are here to help in any way that we can. Feel free to Pm any one of us for further help or advice. But remember that your family and friends are the ones that are physically there for you. Utilize the assets that you have. I would not recommend lying about the paternity of the child, but I do not think it is a requirement for any one to know unless you choose to tell that information. Above all else be safe and take care. Good Luck sweetheart and keep us posted. mal
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 November 2009):
 Hi Guys! What's going on?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): Excuse me, but incest is a term reserved for sexual relations between members of an immediate family (brothers and sisters, mothers and sons, NOT cousins). The genetic risk is about 1.5% higher to offspring of first cousins than it is for non-related parents, and that's only for some conditions. The risk of breast cancer, for example, is lower in offspring of cousins.Drew's Girl provides excellent resources. Her points are excellent. The decision to abort or not should have nothing to do with genetics, and it's NOT incest! Get your facts right, please, or don't post an answer to such a sensitive issue.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (5 November 2009):
 OK everyone needs to chill out and be quiet for a second.
Relax and count to ten and ... relax.
Anyway, the chances are higher, not ridiculously high, that you are going to have some sort of recessive genetic defect in the baby.
For the time being what you should do, to not compromise your moral and ethical codes, is give the baby up for adoption or keep it.
However, it seems like keeping it is not an option, so give it up for adoption or abort it.
If you are only a few weeks pregnant, just get rid of it. If you are THAT pro-life then only terminate it if you know it will have some terrible disease like down syndrome etc.
You do realize that all of the pro-life positions in this country, with the exception of a few, say it is okay to terminate a pregnancy in cases of rape, or in your case, incest.
As for the act of incest itself? Whatever, to each their own, just don't have babies.
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female
reader, witch-fire  +, writes (5 November 2009):
 I completely agree with Drew's Girl. Come on! Quit attacking other people's advise and the UK!
I want to ask one thing to the question asker; are you a single mother. If so there shouldn't be a problem if you choose to keep the paternity from the true father.
You should atleast tell your family you are pregnant. They don't have to know the paternity either, just tell them a half truth; it was a drunken mistake. The child will be fine, honestly. You have nothing to worry about. But if you feel that it is in your best interest to abort, that is up to you.
As you've seen we can debate this issue till we're blue in the face.
Do what is right for you. That is my advise.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I think a lot of people on here have read what I have written and applied a faulty logic to it using linear reasoning. When this is not a linear problem.
By saying that the main reason that most states in the UNITED STATES do not allow first cousin marriages is because of genetic reaosons it does not mean that there is something wrong with the offspring that is here today.
There is much scientific research that shows diseases like Tay Sachs syndrome which is prevelant in the Jewish community and is a genetic disease that causes it's sufferers to die before the third year of life. My sister is a geneticist, she would do a better job of explaining this than I would. If first cousins producing offspring were legal in the States we wouldn't be able to make exceptions for genetic diseases in families passed on by close relatives mating. And where I live in the United States it is not considered ethical to date or marry your first cousin, it is a taboo.
I appreciate that everyone from the UK has a different view, but you do not live in the United States.
I came on here to support a woman who obviously is going to have to deal with this taboo in her community, her State and her family if she chooses to keep the baby.
She is in conflict because of her pro-life beliefs. There are many women who choose to terminate pregnancies due to genetic events....my sister can attest to that.
Of course she has the option to get genetic testing herself to help her determine if there is anything to worry about with the fetus, it is not 100% accurate in predicting all diseases that are passed on through a families DNA, and that is OK, too.
But her real issue here is dealing with what is commonly done in this country, and what is done and accepted in the UK is not helping her in the least.
I don't think the poster expected a bandwagon of people who were offspring of first cousins to come to her post to tell her how wrong she would be for terminating her pregancy as they all turned out just fine. Certainly that is true, but sometimes it is not and she has to deal with the realities of what she faces here with regards to her family and her community.
She has a difficult decision to make and I am sure it will be based on a number of factors. Guilt should not be one of them.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 November 2009):
And I want to add one more thing; I'm sure we are all keeping in mind that as there are many cousin relationships and many many offspring from these, right? Because if we are not sensitive to this fact, we might be suggesting that the offspring of cousins are somehow genetically damaged and possibly mentally limited. And we do not want to do that, now, do we? Because that might be considered hurtful and rude.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (3 November 2009):
Ladies. Gentlemen. Please remember that we are here to advise the poster and not engage in flame wars. Ahem.
Right, poster, I think you need to make an appointment ASAP with your doctor.
You have choices that you have to make, and soon. I would suggest that in speaking with your doctor, you might choose to discuss the possibility of genetic testing. It's not a panacea, it won't detect every conceivable potential birth defect, but it might go a long way to easing your mind. That is, IF you decide to continue with the pregnancy.
From what you wrote, this pregnancy would cause a major upset and rift in your family? And the father doesn't even know yet? Look, we take risks every time we drive without a seatbelt, most of the time we get home safely, but there's always that one time. You've had that one time, and so now the consequence of the actions you've taken are a reality. Get yourself as much information from your doctor as possible, please confide in someone if you have someone you can trust with a secret like this.
Obviously, if you do choose to keep the baby, it won't be a secret for long. You're going to have to face the family and have an explanation, so you have to start thinking along those lines if you choose to keep the baby.
I refuse to get drawn into an argument about this, the arguing is doing NOTHING to help you. Or is it? Let us know.
I know you're in a tough situation, but please do your best to stop panicking and try to think sensibly about your options. Step one to me is seeing the doctor, like TOMORROW.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): You may want to read the article below which is an in depth reason that genetics trump normalizing first cousin couple marriages and mating. Moral arguments will never be settled, but I err on the side of science.
Please take a read if you dare, especially Uncle Phil
http://www.slate.com/id/2064227/
Here is an excerpt
The study's authors and its trumpeters in the media suffer from the congenital liberal conceit that science solves all moral questions. The authors instruct genetic counselors to focus on "validating feelings" and helping cousin couples "normalize" their relationships by explaining how common cousin marriages are. In the Times, USA Today, and other publications, the authors declare that laws against cousin marriage are baseless. According to headlines and TV reports, "science" has proved that cousin marriages are "OK." No, it hasn't. Science has deflated the scientific objections to cousin marriages. Moral problems remain.
Start with the problem of double first cousins. Suppose your mom and my mom are sisters. If cousin marriage is legal, you and I can marry. What if, in addition, your dad and my dad are brothers? It isn't that hard to imagine: Boy meets girl, girl's sister likes boy's family, girl's sister gets interested in boy's brother, both couples end up getting married. The first couple produces me; the second couple produces you. North Carolina and West Virginia explicitly prohibit me from marrying you, but 20 other states don't. Is that OK? Because if it is, bear in mind that you and I have as many genes in common as an uncle and niece do. If you and I can marry, why can't an uncle and an adult niece? Science says there's no difference.
Would you rather restrict marriage to ordinary first cousins? That won't get you out of the woods. First cousins have as many genes in common as a man and his half-brother's child do. We're talking Roger and Chelsea Clinton. If first cousins can marry, why can't Roger and Chelsea? Science says there's no difference.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I don't intend to get into some damned great argument about what's legal and what's not in the US, but like I said, take a look at the link I gave you. Especially RandB. It is not illegal in the whole of the United States. Far from it. The United states is the only country in the western world where restrictions apply - and, dare I say it, predominantly in those states which may be classed as the Bible Belt. Ridiculous really, when you consider that Mary and Joseph, Jesus' parents, were first cousins.
The United States is out on its own as far as this is concerned - and even then, not all of it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): If you will notice all of the encouraging advice is coming to you from the UK where it is legal for first cousins to marry. Even so it is still the minority that first cousins marry. I guess the Royal Family have married within their own family to keep it in the bloodlines, but every generation or so, they go outside of any connection to bloodlines to keep their genetics stable (Think Princess Di) usually to my knowledge they did not marry first cousins.
Please remember that you live in the United States where it is illegal to marry your first cousin. Genetics do stand behind this reason, you don't even mate purebred dogs and cats that closely because of passing on bad recessive genes that cause disability and disease...I am just saying, even in the animal world, people that breed animals of any kind for quality, do not do this.
You aren't a dog or a cat though, and I am sure there are some emotional factors and moral factors that come into play for you to make your decision.
I just don't want you to be all hyped up by what goes on in the UK, I don't judge them, I mean centuris ago it was not uncommon for cousins to marry because there were fewer people to begin with and people were not as mobile where they could meet, marry and fall in love with a wider range of choices....but that is not the century we live in today.
There will be some social backlash if you decide to keep the baby, and if so it would be wise to reveal the father if nothing else for medical reasons.
I don't envy your decision and all the best to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Have a good scout around this website - facts are pointed out rather than fiction and you will be so much the wiser after doing so.
http://www.cousincouples.com/
BTW - LVW's reply hits several nails squarely on the head in the most eloquent fashion.
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female
reader, Ich_liebe_dich  +, writes (3 November 2009):
 I think, its only the matter of choice and the choices is in you. i think if you dont abort the baby, i think theres no problem or any side effect just because this is the baby of your cousin. i think no problem with that. But" if you continue that" you must be at least ready to any consequences about" 1st the baby is the baby of your cousin, 2nd how do you think how the baby will deal to this situation when he find out that her/his father is your cousin. 3rd how you and your cousin will deal to the world? i mean parents, relatives, friends etc. and also how you will explain it to the other children of yours? you know already its a mistake. I think if its still very early, i think opening the idea of abortion is not bad at all in this case. better prepare than sorry. Good luck
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male
reader, greg290352 +, writes (3 November 2009):
 The odds are heavily in your favour that the baby will be healthy. So try and get a grip on the situation. A lot depends on how you feel about the baby? Also how does your cousin feel about you? Does he love you, like you or was it a totally drunken lust thing? Only you can make the final decision but having your baby might be a realistic option. You can easily make up a story. Its not unusual for cousins to be attracted to each other. I am very fond of my first cousin and we are affectionate with each other although we only kiss. Both of us are with other people. Good luck and try not to worry too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): Well, I did a little research on birth defects with 1st cousins and you have a 4-6% chance of birth defects which is double what it is for unrelated couples. That number seems relatively low, but in my opinion it is too high for my comfort level.The other issue that happens in these kinds of births are not reflected in the statistics. If a medical condition is in the recessive genes of your family, then when the two blood related people have a child then these recessive illnesses will be dominant, that is how genetics work.And because of these unknowns it is not recommended that first cousins have children. I believe that in all states in the US, marriage between first cousins is illegal, so I would think mating would be pretty taboo.There is no reason the rest of your family has to know if you don't tell anyone including him. This is your body, your woops and it is your life that will be affected. You have every right to make that decision on your own. He isn't your boyfriend, he isn't your husband he is your cousin....and yuck, I hope you wise up and don't do this again with him.....Part of being a functioning adult is to not act on every urge and feeling that you have at any given time. Use the gray matter between your ears as much as possible, now that is a God given gift that most of us underutilize.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I think most physicians unless right to lifers will tell you too abort. You are too closely related to have a healthy fetus. The baby if carried full term will more than likely have mental and physical disabilities.I don't buy that you had one to many and oops you just fell on top of each other. People lose their normal inhibitions when drunk, but will do what they want to do anyway. I think you need to ask yourself why you have so little self control and are hyper-sexual, because that is the only thing that would explain this event in my mind.You may also want to rethink your stance as a pro-lifer because as you have learned women are a slave to their biology and there are circumstances where women should have the right to choose.
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male
reader, Harry Castle +, writes (3 November 2009):
 Don't hesitate, have that abortion while you are not showing.That way, nobody will ever know about your indiscretion. I understand about your moral issues, but what sort of "life" will any of you have if you proceed? You and yours and the child will from now on have a miserable existence; act now and you will be back to where you were before your drunken mistake.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): well this is a living human and u should not abort. it is ur baby and it was both u and ur 1 cousins fault. u have a 97% chance ur baby will come out healthy. i know people that are first cousins and had children and they are perfectly fine. don t worry there is only a 4% chance that he will have some ki d of sickness. dont let that bring u down. ok so u eventually have to tell ur family unlless u tell them its from another guy, u know. well i do t bave much too say i hope i helped u a little bit. good luck!0
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