A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I recently moved back to my hometown and have been meeting a lot of my friend's friends. They are all really chill, and one in particular immediately sparked a more then friendly interest. i soon found out that he did too, he started by putting his arm around me and flirting with me a lot. we started texting and talking, and eventually i had to tell him that things with me and my sort of bf were really complicated and i didnt know if i should be flirting with him. He said it was no problem and we started hanging out as friends, getting coffee, etc. Then one day he asked me to go to some parties with him and a couple of his friends. So i went and we were at this one party where everyone was just plastered by the time we got there and neither of us were drinking (he's a recovering alcoholic and i was just trying to keep my wits about me because i didn't really know anyone there). People neither of us knew kept asking if we were together and we just akwardly said no. At one point we were sitting on this chair together because there were no other seats and this guy came up to us and was like "you 2 would make a really cute couple, you should kiss" i just kind of looked at him and he looked at me, then we well...kissed. Later that night the party got shut down for fights and stuff, and i still couldn't go home because i said i'd be spending the night out and didn't want to wake my family, so he suggested that we just go back to his place and take a little nap before he took me home. He had told me about his past and his ex's and everything while we were hanging out and he said it had been a while since he cuddled with anyone and he really missed it. He has a lot of friends but i could tell he was lonely, so we went back to his place and were just cuddling and falling asleep. Then we started kissing again and fooling around, we didn't sleep together (which he said he appreciated) but we got close. And the whole time he was really romantic and sensual and. Afterward we were talking and he said he really liked me but understood how things were with my bf and wasn't going to push me into something I wasn't sure about.we again parted as friends. Then from about thursday to Saturday afternoon we spent almost every moment together hanging out, mostly like friends, but he kind of treated me like his gf, we still made out and stuff sometimes but we still haven't slept together. friday night we spent the night together again and i woke up to him staring at me and kissing me on the cheek. We were supposed to hang out on Halloween but his parents were upset that he hadn't been home in like 3 days so made him stay in. He texted me telling me all of this and then ending with "have fun. call me if you need anything ok?" i texted him later that night just to see how he was doing and he never replied. and now i haven't talked to him for 2 days.One of our mutual friends who had dated him a while ago told me that he had commitment and trust issues (which i do to, so its no big deal). But i was just wondering, did i do something wrong? I mean we went from talking everyday to nothing now. i don't want to bother him or scare him off so i haven't talked to him. with all of the emotions and physical stuff aside he's a really good guy and we get along great and i would love to stay his friend. Can anyone tell me what happened? Did i do something to freak him out? am i just being paranoid for no reason? Sorry so many questions and that this is so long, but i have one more question...Do you think he just wanted sex? i didn't give him any real reason to think i was getting attatched, i made sure i didn't. Do you think that even though he said it was ok we hadn't slept together, that it actually bothered him and now he wants nothing to do with me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u :) this really helps especially from male perspective.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is a complicated situation and its understandable you have a lot of questions. The biggest problem is you wont ever know until you really get to talk to him. He could be just really busy and a couple of days isnt too bad. If it goes on for a week or so then I would be concerned. I dont think he just cared about sex. Maybe he did fall for you, but he isnt sure how you fee. You told him you had a boyfriend and he could just be realy confused. I mean if you had a boyfriend, but you still flirted with him and did these things, he may wonder if you would do the same if you two were together. He might want to be with you and cant stand the thought of just being your friend and knowing you are with someone else, even though you really care about him. I think you need to first figure out what you truly want and if you want him just as a friend or as more. And try to meet him and talk to him face to face. Open up, tell him how you feel, and see what he thinks.
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