A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance is a very dominating person.. he tries to control me.. he has a problem with all of my male friends.. he manipulates me..i tend to compare this relationship with my past relationships and i am afraid to say that the past relationship was better than this one! If i ask him to help me in home chores he feels i am ordering him.. he says "you don't tell me what to do".. i will help if i feel like helping!! i am scared.. too scared.. i don't feel respected. i can't end it as well we already being engaged!
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female
reader, kih88  +, writes (12 October 2010):
 If my eyes are recognizing that little flag correctly, then you're an Indian girl. Not to stick you in a stereotype box or anything, but from what I know, Indian culture makes it really difficult for women to get out of relationships where the man is at all abusive (physically or verbally). I'm guessing though that this is a love relationship (versus an arranged engagement), as you said that you've had other relationships before? If that is the case, then you should stand up to your fiance, tell him what you're unhappy about, and end things before it gets any worse, and you enter in to an unhappy marriage! But if you are worried about ending the engagement because his parents and family, and your parents and family are now invested in the relationship too, it does make things more difficult, but you still need to get out of this relationship! If he behaves like this now, the marriage will surely be just as bad and you will be unhappy. Think about that outcome and do what you can to get out of this problem now! Your parents and family should support you, as I am sure that they wouldn't want you to be unhappy.
A
female
reader, AuntieSnap  +, writes (11 October 2010):
Hi there,
Sounds like you need to leave and now while you still have a mind of your own. Control freaks only get worse as they gain more and more control of a person until they have dominated them completely, mind and body and there is no escape. They slowly crumble and chip at your confidence and independence. Of course outwith their own comfort zone to begin with they are seen as charming perfectly normal individuals so that when you do find the courage to speak out nobody will believe you. Their guard will slip eventually and people will see what they are like, however they are incredibly devious people and will have manipulated and isolated you over time from close family and friends to such a degree that you will refuse to hear a bad word against them and actually find yourself defending and justifying their actions. Maybe 10 or so years down the line you will finally have enough and snap completely - like an aunt of mine - who is so gentle,sweet and mild mannered, leathered her horrible husband senseless with a fireside poker one Christmas Eve after years of torture. She found she couldnt stop once she had started as 15 YEARS of pent up frustration and resentment came pouring out. Luckily for her she didnt kill him but she could have and that's what terrifed her, the fact that ONE PERSON could manipulate her and make her feel like that. They divorced a long time ago now and she NEVER got into another relationship as she was far too scared to. Get out now sweetheart while you can otherwise this could be you in 10 years.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, monkey friend +, writes (11 October 2010):
HHmm, yes, easy one. This is what you do: take your engagement ring and give it back to your boyfriend~then you won't be engaged anymore but rather broken up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): It doesn't matter if you're engaged, of course you can end it. If he's like this now then imagine what it will be like when you are his wife. Get out now and be happy.
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A
male
reader, slimfish  +, writes (11 October 2010):
 so, tell me why you would put up with this?.
you need to get out now, this can only end in tears.
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A
female
reader, [?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] +, writes (11 October 2010):
![[?]BitterSweetFinale;[?] agony aunt](/avatars/7bb1e9ea-6c2f-43b8-a4f7-0635b7eff08c.png) As for the person below me, I agree. Let him go before you marry him, or else you are going to be miserable. & You don't want that, this is a serious situation. His dominance can turn into domestic violence if he doesn't get his way.. Don't give in, Ignore, & Move on, you'll have a weight lifted off your shoulders. Take care, xoxo.
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A
female
reader, Thorn, +, writes (11 October 2010):
Firstly is this the sort of guy you want to be married to? if the answer is no then you need to find the courage to stand up to him and left him. Which i know will not be easy but from the sounds of it you deserve better - you deserve to be respected and treated better. Talk to close friends or relatives about your situation and find a way out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2010): you can end it. Break up with him before your get married. Why live a life of fear?
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