A
female
age
,
*ma
writes:My husband, out of the blue (after 14 years of a good marriage and a 10 year old child)started having a secret affair with his married colleague. They managed to hide it for nearly an year during which i accidentally discovered and confronted him but he kept denying it and lying to me. Of late however he has declared he loves her, but he wont tell her name or his future plans.We still live in the same house though I don't talk to him much, which he didn't like and said he loves us too! He wants me to accept the situation as it is or move out. I gave up my job 2 years back to take care of my family and now he does this to me! I am devastated. He tries to blame me for everything. I told him i would not move out as its his problem and he has to decide or be totally honest with me. I will not make things easy for him by moving out as i have a legal right to be here and i have to bring up my child. I was hoping if i wait for an year before deciding to break up he will come to his senses but as of now he keeps going through mood swings. Hes addicted to her and becomes frustrated and angry when he cant meet her if her husband is around. She has a kid too. However hes still cares for me and my kid and even wants to cuddle with me even after he has been with her!(which is seriously psycho!) I do not have a relationship with him since the last 10 months since he has been physical with her. Can someone please advise me as to what i should do ? Thank you for listening.Gma
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (3 February 2010):
 If he loses his job because of the divorce, well, that's what happens when you have an affair with a married colleague and mistreat your wife. It may be different in the UK, but courts in the US generally don't give a damn if you're employed or not; he will still be expected to meet his financial obligations to you and your child. To hell with him! File for divorce and get your life back.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (1 February 2010):
 Go see a lawyer and file for divorce! Take the house, and the kids; he can go rent a dumpy apartment and see his kids when the courts say he can. You should not feel guilty or settle for the current arrangements.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2010): Hi,Thanks for your prompt replies. Yes i do think he is exploiting us both. Perhaps he loves only himself. So hard to believe that after all these years he would be willing to give up his kid and family life for a mere affair.I cannot even understand it. I talked to a lawyer. If i file a case of adultery and mental cruelty he may risk loosing his job even. So hard to decide what to do because hitting at him effects us too but i guess that cant be helped. Please pray for me , that God gives me and my child the strength i need to get through this terrible trauma in my life. Thanks for your good wishes.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 January 2010):
Girl, you talk to a solicitor and take him for every penny you deserve, including the house if you can. He's using her for the sex, and using you as the wife at home to do the ironing and cooking. How dare he treat you this way. He's blaming you, he's using you, he's angry at you. He doesn't love you or her. He's just using you both. He will not change, and if he says he will, he is lying. He's just playing you in the hope you won't change anything and you'll let him do this. Show him you deserve better and screw him for everything. Don't be treated this way by one pathetic man, when you can find someone who does love you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2010): Get a lawyer. If you don't have enough money find out about the legal-aid in your area. You could also contact university or college legal programs, they may know more. You need legal advice immediately! Good luck.
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