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writes: i have been to this web site a few times in the past to deal with my issues and it has helped me a lot. i am a 25 male who got dumped 4 months ago. i went out with her for almost 2 years and it was great. one day she decides that she wants to be single and that she doesnt love me romantically anymore. the funny part was that that was the same day i got rejected from my 2 top med schools. but thats another story. anyways, since we broke up ive begged to get back together but nothing works. so i tried to stop contact with her. but every now and then there is a drunk phone call or email. even when i dont call her i get depressed about it. its keeps me up at night... like tonight. its like it consumes my mind. i know i need clossure, especially after her telling me that she also misses me but doesnt think its a good idea to see eachother. that we still see eachother every once in a while for a cup of coffee or something and i see her cry. we both have been seeing other people and i would gladly stop, but something is holding her back. she tells herself that being with me is wrong when it really isn't. and everytime she tells herself that, its like another wall going up. i have talked to some really good friends and they all think i should stop talking to her but i have tried. and all that does is make me consume my mind with thoughts of her. seeing other people doesnt help much either. i understand that she is very confused. she sends me every signal possible to tell me that things cant work out but every now and then the walls crumble and she spills and tells me how she really feels. because of that, she has been really careful with what she says to me. i dont know why i cant just turn my back on this. maybe because i love her so much. i wish i can just move on with peace of mind. i know she is not making it easy and neither am i. why is she clinging on to something that she doesnt want in her life? i guess you would have to know the person a bit more to answer that. but any shots at answering that would be very much appreciated. thanks.
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female
reader, marie78 +, writes (20 November 2006):
Sit her down and spill your heart out to her for once and for all. Leave nothing unsaid and then tell her that you're willing to be together again, and if she says, "no" once more, then it's time for you to pack your bags. It's not okay for her to keep you stringing along... knowing that she can always have you when she wants to. You can't keep allowing her to do this. So, if she says no, then tell her that you won't be contacting her anymore (and mean it). Tell her if she wants to be friends, you'll be there for her (and keep it strictly friendly) but you can't continue to wear your heart on your sleeve. So, do the deed and tell her how you feel and then move on. get your closure!
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (20 November 2006):
 Just reading through half your post tells me that youre clingy and needy. So you were dumped four months ago but still want her back, despite the fact that shes said no numerous times. I mean why do you put yourself through the beatings over and over again? Its as if you like the pain. And now you know that begging doenst help either. You see, the more you smoulder her with your pleading and beggin and calling and what not, you begin to lose all the exciting qualities she liked about you in the first place, you become a clingy 'wuss' in her eyes. I know this sounds harsh and it is, but please do take heed of this advice and do not contact her whatsoever. Let her be the one who makes the contact if she wants to speak to you. You have to let her know that you are moving on with or without her, show her that shes actually missing out. But to do that, youll first need to concentrate on yourself! Theres no rush in seeing other people until youve really gotten over her. You dont have to compete with her to see who gets the new partner first!! I hate to be blunt but after four months, Im telling you, chances are really slim that she'll come back to you in the near future. And if you keep contacting her and continuing your begging, you'll turn that slim chance into a no chance in no time at all! Think about this!
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A
female
reader, Cool Cucumber  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 Sounds like she doesn't know what she wants! Could be that she is insecure as a person and does not want to be single, maybe she has a need to be with someone to make her feel wanted, even if they are not the 'right' person.
She probably broke up with you because of not loving you, I don't believe she could have fallen out of love with you, more likely she wasn't in love with you in the first place.
She has been trying to move on and gain some self confidence but is failing because of the contact she still has with you. She should be fair to you and stay away. It is obviously not helping either of you being in touch. It is easier said then done, time will heal, and time with good friends will help for both of you.
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