A
female
age
26-29,
*aka 123
writes:hey,i like this guy in the class below me. i told my mum about him, and she really doesn't like him. she said to me that she refuses me to go out with him. she says that he will treat me bad (because my ex treated me bad). me and him had some problems at the start of january. he was pressured in being mean to me. he has said sorry, all my friends say that i should give him a second chance and go out with him. i have never gone out with him but i want to. however my mum is really angry and she really doesn't want me to go out with him, she says that if i go on a date or go out with him behind my back that she will never forgive me for it and that she will be really angry. what should i do?
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I believe you asked yesterday if you should date your bully and knew your parents weren't going to approve.
What makes you so sure he's changed? How long ago was it that he bullied you?
He didn't HAVE to bully you, none of his peers MADE him do it. The kid had a choice, he didn't have to succumb to the pressure. That's a poor excuse.
Anyways, there's not much you can do other than talking to your mother about it. Recommend supervised dates (it's better than none and you're still a child) in your home. You two can watch movies, eat popcorn in your family room.
HOWEVER, if she's still not persuaded then you're going to have to listen to your mother. You live under her home, it's her rules, and you're still in her care. You're not an adult who can make her own life decisions.
Surely there's some other boy who has always been nice to you, that you can date?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (2 February 2012):
 I think if he wants to date you, he needs to talk to your Mom. It's a bit scary but the only way for her to feel comfortable is for him to explain himself a bit.
I don't blame her for being worried about him. It's her job to guard your well-being and if you were being bullied, it would be bad mothering to let you go out with the guy who was bullying you.
If he wants to date you, he should be willing to meet your mother and have a conversation.
The other option is to have your mother talk to his mother. That might get a lot of the worry your mom has out of the way.
Basically, what can you do to make your mother feel comfortable with him? That's the way to think about it!
(PS Bullies don't have empathy and don't care much about the hurt they cause in other people. You should pay attention to how this guy treats EVERYONE around him, not just you.)
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