A
male
age
30-35,
*ammer69
writes:I'm having trouble forgiving myself for something I did many years ago and it still haunts me. About five years ago I ment me fiance in my homeroom class at school. we talked a little bit, but that soon stopped. I met some guys and hung around with them and they were mean to her and I was just the same. it was literally the first time I was ever mean to some one that didn't do anything to me to provoke it. Well I didn't know it but despite me being mean to her she still liked me and actually sent me a valentines but I never knew it was from her. She ended up with this guy and they were together for three years and he controlled her and manipulated her and cheated on her and got her thrown out of her mother's house. Her family hated him which in turn made her want to make it last and she did everything she could. almost three years into it she got pregnant and he cheated on her and she found out and they broke up twice in the matter of two months and she was left at 7 months pregnant she got with me not to long after but it was bad timing but that is when I found out all the things that went on. all the nights thinking about me all the shit he pulled like forcing her to take the same classes he did leaving her too go off and cheat on her everything. we broke up and about 7 months ago we got back together and I love her enough to ask her to marry me. i've talked to her about the things I did in 9th grade but she says she doesn't remember me doing it, but i remember everything. I feel responsible for all of it. i look at it as if I hadn't been mean to her we might have gotten to know each other sooner and she may have ended up with me instead of with him. She wouldn't have been thrown out at 16, she wouldn't have been forced into taking classes she didn't want to, she wouldn't have been used, I wouldn't have spent so many nights alone, she wouldn't have lost so much weight only to gain it back during a pregnancy, she wouldn't have ended up not going to college, she wouldn't have had all the problems and heartache she did, she wouldn't have ended up on welfare, and so much other stuff. I never thought that me being mean to one person would have caused so much. so my question is this should I believe her that she really doesn't remember or is she just saying it to protect me because she knows how bad I feel about it, and that should I feel this bad for something that happened so long ago and she has forgiven me so many times for?
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male
reader, mammer69 +, writes (8 February 2012):
mammer69 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat sounds very similar to what she said
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2012): Try not to feel so bad. She may well be telling the truth and not remember much about it all.
She might have ended up with a really nice guy, settled down and been fine. But unfortunately she chose the wrong type of guy and instead of heading for the hills at the first sign of trouble, she stayed with him. Was all that really your fault? I think not.
Just celebrate the fact you have found her now, put the past behind you and plan for a rosy future together. You are not responsible for the choices she made.
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A
female
reader, LovelyLemon +, writes (1 February 2012):
 This is definitely a bad situation, but it is certainly not your fault. Sometimes people aren't ready to date their future spouse! You couldn't have known that one day you would fall in love and all that.
Just support her through these tough times now, and know that you are a happy, inspiring part of her life and a wonderful support that will be there for her every day. A shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh with and share eachother's love.
Move on from the past, try to make the future as bright as you can.
Much love and Best wishes
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