A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I still love my ex but he's got a girlfriend and he keeps coming up to me for sex. He keeps telling me that he loves me.I have a daughter by him, and i'm not taking the pill. The sex with him is great.What do i do?
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has a girlfriend, my ex, the pill Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): sweety...stop it! I'm saying this from experience. The word love is thrown around so carelessly, and that's what he did to you. If anything, I imagine that the girlfriend he is with may not be giving it up, so that's why he's coming to you. I know it's hard, but you've got to move on. It's for the best.
A
female
reader, buffy 37 +, writes (19 November 2008):
You say he say's he loves you but if he did he wouldnt have a girl friend , i would stop having sex with him see if he still loves you, if he does he will come back to you and you will no its not just for sex if you haven't been giving him it , you will find someone else who will treat you the way you deserve there are some good men out there that wont just use you for sex good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Just ask yourself, "Am I okay with being his mistress?" If not, then you should cut him loose. If you are okay with it, enjoy the sex. It's more than a lot of us get.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): What you should do: realize that your boyfriend will have sex with as many women as he can (get away with). He may or may not love you; you can't trust his word in this situation. If he doesn't love you, he's using the words to help hold you so he's got another sex outlet. If he does love you, he's cheating on you with his girlfriend, and most likely would do so again if he leaves her to be with you. Either way, you lose.
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A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 I agree with most of the posts, but I would also venture to say that you are both emotionally tied to each other because what he is doing is controlling you emotionally and treating you abusively. He is also using you for sex because he sounds like a commitment phobic and sex addict. You must work on feeling you deserve to have a man in your life who cares about you enough to commit to you exclusively and go out and find him. And yes, I agree with everyone else...getting pregnant again will only compound your problems, because even if he comes back for a while to stay when you get pregnant, he will leave again, and this will go on and on with him forever until you finally cut the umbilical cord and set yourself free of needing him.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (5 September 2008):
 You start growing up, or going to the sports shop and purchasing a pair of balls and take back some control from the father of your child, who is holding all the cards at the moment. And getting pregnant isn't going to tie him down any sooner.
Its a no brainer. The guy is a loser and anyone that is responsible for the wellbeing of a minor deserves better. Its way too unsettling for you and your child this situation. But only you can sort it. He is quite happy having his cake and eating it.
C xxxx
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 September 2008):
 You said: ...and i'm not taking the pill.
So basically, you are trying to trap him by getting pregnant again.
If he is not committed to you with your current daughter, another child is not going to make a difference.
He still has sex with you because you give him sex.
If he wanted to only be with you, he would already be with you.
Are you so addicted to great sex, that you would allow yourself to be used like this instead of finding a healthy relationship with someone else?
Stop having sex with him, or at the very least, take some responsibility in your life and use birth control.
-Frank B Kermit
http://www.frankadviceforwomen.com
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A
male
reader, tou  +, writes (5 September 2008):
You should tell him that if you are better than his new girlfriend then he should come back to you or maybe he likes to watch you having sex with other men. men now are different from normal men. You should know what kind of the person he is?Maybe he likes a 3some so if you feel like he still your type then you should ask him for. or to have him bring over his girlfriend so you three can debate over the sex skills. I beleive if you can do such thing like I said he might consider you are the top lady for him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): Stop letting him use you, that's what you do. Act like a grown up and think about what kind of example you are setting for your daughter!
He may think he loves you, but he has a girlfriend. Someone who loves you does not treat you like a piece on the side.
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A
female
reader, Deema +, writes (5 September 2008):
 Well as long as the door is open he'll keep coming right in. Who wouldn't? If he loves you so much why is he with another woman? Why are you having unprotected sex again? Do you want another child? You're not a young girl. Wake up and smell the coffee here. Great sex doesn't mean a thing with so many other problems going on. Sex is just sex. Nothing more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008): First, start taking the pill. You don't need any unwanted pregnancy.
He's using you for sex, and I suspect that you're doing the same. I presume that you're not telling him you love him, so what you have here is one of those friends with benefits situations.
If he's telling you he loves you just to get you in the sack, or he only says he loves you during sex I'd say ignore his sentiments. Heat of the moment and all that. Does he bring you flowers and boxes of your favourite choccies?
The big question here is do you really want to carry on like this? If you're happy enough with the situation then fine, but spare a thought for the woman he's cheating on - put yourself in her position and ask yourself if what you're doing is right - and there's only one answer to that!
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