A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I just met this boy, his name is Derrick. Even though, I don't know him as well as I'd like to. He has really seem to grow on me and I think that someday our relationship could go a step further. Well at least, I'd like to hope so. A previous boyfriend of mine, named Josh. Is good friends with the new guy I like. But well talking about it, Josh asked me to "PROMISE" that I wouldn't have sex with Derrick, because rumour has it that he is HIV. Whether this is true or not, Josh is at the same time, telling me how much he still loves me and misses me. Do you think he may just be saying he has HIV, so by chance I'll stay away from Derrick? in hopes that I will go back to him?True or not, I have seem to find myself attached to Derrick, and I was wondering if you think I should address to him what I have heard and whether or not it's true, and if so, how to come across it without sounding rude?If he does have HIV, and I do decide to go further onto the relationship, I was wondering if I could catch HIV while just even having PROTECTED sex or even oral?All advice, appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to thank you all for your great advice.
You lifted a great weight off my shoulders. I was with Derrick lastnight and was like, "Josh, told me you had HIV"
He was really mad at first at Josh for spurring lies about him and was yelling as he told me that if he had HIV he would kill himself, cause he wouldn't want to wreck anyone elses life. After he cooled down, I talked to him about it and let him know I just had to make sure. He was like, "I promise you can trust me, if I had HIV, I would of told you before we got this far" I really do believe Derrick. He seems sincere, and Josh .. well he seems like a liar.
Anyways,
Thanks!
A
female
reader, Khandi  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 I cant agree more with Smiles, although he may be lying just to keep you with him in mind he may be telling the guy a lie about you. but when it comes to HIV and other STDs you cant take a chance protected sex is always the way to go if you know you dont want to get pregnant and if you want to stay HIV and other STD free. your ex sure has a lot of say to be an ex he sounda s though he wants to be next. but you my dear have to be very careful. if you know you dont want to be with your ex- you should probably sever the tie that you and he have where he is even close enough to give you advise ojn who to date. or you can pretend to like another guy and let him know that and see if he has something to say about that guy too. but never take HIV lightly reguardless of who his telling the story! hey always asume someone is positive until you have proof they are negative!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): Oh, you are not going to like this, but I have to mention it to you anyway: I think you are far to young to be sexually active;
HOWEVER; before you engage in any sexual activity with this boyfriend I URGE you to have tests done; do not risk your LIFE AND HEALTH;
remember there is NO CURE for AIDS; it it not something to take lightly!
Be very carefull; you are young you have your life ahead of you; don't make a mistake you regret for life!
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A
female
reader, Katrien  +, writes (4 July 2008):
Hi there
He may be doing it out of spite, but you cant really know until he has been tested.
Suggest going together.
IF someone has HIV there is always a chance of getting it. Even with barrier protected sex. (ie condoms for penetration, of dental dams for oral)
In studies done where it was known that one partner had HIV and the other not, within 18 months of a sexual relationship, the other one would contract HIV.
Please be careful.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 July 2008):
It depends on you but I would either
a) be straight and tell him that people are spreading rumours about him having HIV. Tell him you can both go and get tested together so you have in on paper.
b) mention casually that you are thinking of going to get an STI check up. Ask him if he wants to come along and get tested too and then you know you are both safe.
There is no way of telling if your ex is just trying to get you not to have sex because he's bitter, or because he actually has heard something. It's sensible to get checked out every now and then anyway.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): The chances of catching HIV from protected sex, is admittedly a great deal lower than unprotected as the transfer of bodily fluids is significantly reduced.
But it is not gone.
As far as I'm aware the chances of getting HIV from Oral are negligble at best (though don't hold me to that) because saliva doesn't transmit the virus well at all. It's something like a swimming pool full of it to get HIV.
Notheless have a chat about it if it really bothers you.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): First of all, you need to speak to your new guy and tell him what is being said about him. He needs to know about this and you need to know the truth, too. If he IS HIV positive and you want to continue the relationship you need to do a lot of research on how to protect your own health should the relationship deepen. If he isn't (and the only way he'll know either way is to have a blood test done, if he already hasn't) then it shows your ex to be a low down nasty piece of work.
But as I said, you need to speak to your new guy about this. There is still a great deal of prejudice in this world about HIV and if your ex keeps on spreading these rumours they could seriously damage your new guys reputation, friendships and employment prospects. Maybe your new guy should get tested (even if he believes he's not a carrier) so that he has it there in writing, and for the comfort of you both, to be able to slam a lid on your exes gossiping.
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A
female
reader, gretchen  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 You can get HIV from protected sex and from oral sex. It's a difficult virus to avoid because it thrives in bodily fluids such as blood, mucus and yes semen. But condoms won't prevent you catching it %100.
If you decide to take EITHER relationship further, it doesn't matter - make sure that BEFORE you go to bed with any man that he takes an STD test. They're easy to get from most clinics and take only fifteen minutes or so of your time. If he has such a problem with getting tested then you'll have reason to be suspicious and you'll know it was wise for you not to sleep with him. If he's happy to take the test - at least wait until you have the results before you jump him. Like they say if he has nothing to hide, then there should be no problem with him getting tested!
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A
female
reader, Natalie23 +, writes (4 July 2008):
 Yeah this sounds to me like your ex is abit jealous and wants you back,so he is using anything he can to 'put you off' Derrick,I suggest that you sit with Derrick and just tell him what you have heard and see what he says,it couls be a load of rubbish,people in this world can be malicous and make up lies,I am sure that if this guy really had HIV then he would tell you because otherwise if he did hav eit and passed it on to you he could get in serious trouble,it is a criminal offence,so I doubt that he would risk it.You need to tell Josh to keep what he hears to himself,it seems to me like he is so much trying to stir things,talk to Derrick and see what he says. xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): you need to tell your current bf what your old bf has been telling u and if it has true there is a chance of you catching it even with protected sex or oral sex
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