A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, Preferably i would like a females view on this matter that has been through this experience or something similar. But guys, feel free to give your opinions.Me and my girlfriend split up about 6 weeks ago, she ended it because i was making her unhappy and she wasnt been herself anymore (in a nut shell) due to my change in behaviour. ( i became jealous, clingy, controlling paranoid etc and we had alot of arguments towards the end of the relationship).At first i was doing the whole begging etc to try get back with her, in this 6 weeks we have been in contact, ive seen her, just me and her, twice to chat n stuff. Ive bumped into her a few times and said nothing more than hi, r u ok? etc. The other week i called her, told her how i elt, how i felt things could be different etc, the call was interupted and she text me later saying " i supose i know now ive made the right decision, especially at this point in my life" i text her back and so on, to sum it up1) She really cares about me and i know that2) She really wants us to be friends3) She cant say 100% how she feels but knows she isnt able to say she wants us to be together.Now i have figured the best thing for me to do is to be in no contact with her, and wait for her to speak to me. Then take it from there.Just wanting to get a females perspective on the not contating her point. Because i dont think i have really given her chance to miss me properly, with me speaking to her or texting her every 3 days or so.Im hoping by not contacting her she will start to ask herself questions, think of me and miss me. Enough to make her want to get in touch with me.Any viewsThanks alot
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): I know you are not going to like what I have to say and suggest, however I am not trying to hurt or upset you; I am merely giving you my honest opinion and am trying to help you to get persepctive.
It sounds to me as if this girl has moved on; she might have suggested to remain friends to make it easier on you; but I think that is making it more difficult for you; it is creating "false" hope within you that you can get toghether again; I don't think you should put to much hope on that;
I suggest you talk to her one more time; ask her if she thinks there is a chance that you can get toghether again;
you need to find closure; you cannot keep living in this turmoil of hoping; it is not good and not healthy;
However, I do think you should move on; start dating others and be nice and friendly to her if you bump into each other; but stop calling and texting her; that might irritate her ultimately and she might not even want to remain friends.
Yeah, she might also realize she is missing you; but I think this girl made her choice;do not built your hopes up to much;
I suggest you look at the mistakes that was made in the begining of the relationship; learn from those mistakes; try and see how you can do things differently in the future; to avoid making the same mistakes
We all make mistakes, but the secret is to learn from it; to improve ourselves;
Good Luck.
Keep us posted.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): i think you should probably go with the no contact and see how that goes... im in a similar situation with my boyfriend, but its now six months. iv tried the no contact but none of us seem to be able to keep to it, which is strange as he broke up with me at xmas. good luck to you..XX
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A
female
reader, juturna  +, writes (4 July 2008):
When the original problem may have been clingy-ness, everytime you contact her, it will remind her exactly WHY it never worked out. Just chill for a week or so and just say hi, without talking about relationship stuff at first.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2008): do you reckon a deciding factor is that we are both only young and she is going to university in september?
She used to tell me how much she loved me and thought we were together for a reason.
I dont know if she loves me or not, she says she really cares about me and will always be there. I think its best for me to let her go, keep my distance, become the person i used to be and try attract her again.
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A
female
reader, scythe  +, writes (4 July 2008):
 hmm your situation sounds very similar to what two of my good friends are going through. they had been going out for 6 or more years, but she recently broke it off with him because of his increasingly posessive and jealous behaviour. its sad because i can see both of their sides of the story. he loves her so much but she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore, however she still wants to be best friends with him. basically, if your (ex?)girlfriend does not love you anymore there is nothing you can do to change her feelings, and trying to persuade her otherwise will not work. you can't change the way she feels. if she is unhappy, im sure you wouldnt want to make her more unhappy staying in a relationship that is hurting her. im sorry i dont have good news for you. perhaps you need to speak with her again. let her know exactly how you feel, and ask her to explain how she feels.
i hope you can find a resolution to suit both of you.
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