A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I stupidly met up with an obsessed ex boyfriend reasons I do not know nor can explain. We met up and returned home to his house by taxi around 11.30. On entry into the house I went to the toilet. During this time he had taken my mobile and proceeded to look at my pics and contacts. I asked him to return my phone, he began to question names, indentities, locations of photographs. This broke out in an argument as I felt he really invading my privacy and proceeding to take my phone from him. To my horror he pushed me on the floor cursing me. I was so shocked what he did and decided to go for the land line to call security. At this point he had grabbed me and hit me in the face. Took my phone threw it against the wall, stood in it. After a couple of minutes 2 security arrived and opened the door.I grabbed my bag and pick my broken phone from the floor, he Hit me the for the last time which caused me to collapse. After a couple of minutes I picked my self up covered in blood from my cheek and eye been cut open. I ran outside and asked security not to let him follow me. On arrival to the hospital they were not able to treat me until the police came (I was pretty messed up) my cousin had arrived at this point and urged me to press charges, upset at what had happened. Now (unknown) is facing 1-6 months prison and deportation!!! Am I wrong to press charges? Why do I feel guilty? My papa has also said if I do not get him deported he will never talk to me again!!! Please help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2009): If the guards didnt come you may not be alive today. I dare say he wasn't going to stop. What would your advice be if he did this to your mother, your sister or a best friend. It would be to get his arse thrown out of the country.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Applaus for your dad.
There is a reason that women are the most common victim of abuse and that is because women often just allow it because they are afraid to deal with it.
This guy is dangerous. What if he had something sharp in his hand? What if you had fell down the wrong way? You could have died. Another girl can die in the future unless this guy is stopped.
But no, you feel guilty. Well you really should feel guilty, how dare you facebutt his fist like that, you could really have hurt him with your nose scraping his knuckles.
Silly thing to say? Not as silly as you feeling guilty. Yes, it was not smart to contact this guy again but that is NO excuse for his violent assault that could have easily ended up far worse. Would you feel sorry for him if he killed you?
This guy is an abuser, he needs to be made to face this or at least be taken out of circulation. If you do not stop him, some other girl will go through the same.
Listen to your dad, he is right. This was no push, this was not a slap that landed to hard, this was assault, pure and simple. Stop him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): Even if you don't want to press charges for yourself, do us a favor and get him the hell out of our country.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2009): If you don't press charges hopefully your family members will meet him at the jail and offer him a ride. I'd make it about 20 miles into the bush and introduce him to some "turn about is fair play"... they'd be calling his dentist to make the ID.
You need to understand that this guy must face the consequences of his actions. HE DID THIS... Frankly, it's a failure of your legal system that you even had to be involved in the decision. Here, if an Ex beats a former partner it's still spousal abuse and the police have NO CHOICE but to arrest and press charges. This way the former abused partner can't have some weird "but I love him" bs moment and let the sack of shit off...
He's going to hurt a woman worse at some point. Put him in jail NOW, when he beats the second one (although I doubt you were the FIRST woman this guys beaten), he'll get a longer sentence. Send him home, where ever that is, hopefully it's a country that knows how to deal with people like him.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 Your Father is completely correct. Press charges.I know you made a mistake and went to his house late at night, and it was a bad decision on your part. You are the only one who really knows what your intentions were. However it looks, he is your EX, and even if he wasn't, the things he did completely invaded your privacy.I don't care about his deportation, and neither should you. What you should care about is your own health and well-being, something that you could never take for granted if he is obsessed and free to find you.How far would he have gone with his assault? Bluntly speaking, would you rather feel guilt, or the pain of life threatening injury?Remember a gorgeous TV presenter, whose face and career were ruined by a crazed ex with acid?Something sickening like that WILL happen again, no matter how hard we all try to stop it. Don't take risks with such men. Listen to your father.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (27 November 2009):
 He made his choice when he swung his fist. Don't feel sorry for him for acting up. He knew the risks - and frankly nobody should put their hands on anyone else, ever. That's never acceptable.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (27 November 2009):
 You describe your ex as obsessed and clearly violent; if you don't press charges he may kill you next time.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT, let this dirtbag get away with what he did to you. You have to follow through and see him dealt with by the law for two huge reasons. One is that if you let him get away with it, it will affect you in the long run, in the sense that it will be detrimental to your self esteem. Two is that if you let him get away with it there is a huge chance he will do this to other women because he will think there's no consequences for it. I fuly understand where your Dad is coming from. To let someone beat you up and do nothing about it makes you as big a coward as the woman-basher. You have an obligation to teach this asshole a lesson in respect.
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A
male
reader, Phsyciatrist-to-be +, writes (26 November 2009):
 I can't tell you why you feel guilty: what is it that you feel guilty about? Pressing charges? What (unknown) did is assult, harrassment... any number of things. A guy like that should not have the chance to get at you or anyone else again.It may be hard, and I think you need to do some seious thinking about why you feel guilty when you're in the right. But I would advise strongly that you continue your case: he may only hurt you or someone else again if you don't.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (26 November 2009):
 Wow, stop feeling guilty, your father is right, I dont know what country you are or his nationality, but the further away from him you are the better.You are not wrong to press charges, quite the opposite, it would be wrong if you DIDN'T!Good luck with it all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2009): Dont call him your bf, he wasnt. Definately press charges, if not for you then for the next poor girl who meets him.You simply cant let anyone treat you like this ok. He had no right to look in your phone, even if you are serous its none of his business and a guy worth his salt wouldnt ask anyway.So just get it all over with, your dads right, If you were my daughter id be horrified too.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 November 2009):
Your Dad, though a little harsh, is right. Yes, you must press charges. He hit you. What would he have done if the guards hadn't arrived? Please don't feel guilty, you are doing the right thing. Never let a man get away with hitting you.
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