A
female
age
36-40,
*nforgettable
writes:hi every body i need help. well first my son's father and i was together for about 2 years and a few months. yea it was my first relationship, first time in love, and my firsy baby. well we have been broken up for about a year now but we still have sexual contact. well i am confused because i know he has other females. but a part of me wants to leave but a part of me cant. so why cant i move on? am i in love or what? thx everyone
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): If he was your first love, first sexual relationship etc... it's natural to stay attached to the guy and there's obviously still feelings there on your part. The thing is your ex might be using this to advantage to get his needs met, i've seen posts like this many times. Some women think that if they give a guy sex he will fall in love with them again but in reality that's really not the case.
You can move on if you really want to but by the sounds of it you haven't tried very hard. Sleeping with him isn't going to help and this guy knows exactly what he's doing and is being very unfair. You have a child together so yes you will have to see him but the only contact you should have is when he sees your child, that's it.
How long are you prepared for this to go on? Because eventually he will get another girlfriend and either stop the sex with you or he'll carry on behind her back and just use you. Do you want that? Cut off the sex.
A
male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (10 November 2010):
We all know that this isnt healthy not emotional or physical. This kind of situation can only lead to you damaging yourself more. The best course of action is to cut all ties and contact with your ex, but you are doing it to bester yourself. Get a new number, move, change your name,etc. You have to do whatever it takes to remove yourself mental, physically, and emotionally from your ex. I know it hard, but time really does heal all wounds. You just have to realize that you have too much self-respect to let anyone treat you like that and realize that you deserve someone better. You deserve someone that will treat you with love and respect. My advice to you is to do whatever you have to do to cut all ties with your ex. Also, try counseling your reaching out to friends and family for support. Take time from the dating scene and find what makes you happy. You have to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 It's so so so hard to move on from your first love. In my perspective, if he has other females then obviously he doesn't want to be with just you. Don't break your own heart by staying with him. My son's father did the same exact thing. I can't take back my past but please don't stay.
it took me two years to let go. And i'm so happy now. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have someone who loves you just as much as you love them and to stay faithful to you and love you. You deserve that. Don't sell yourself short.
Take that leap. Let him go. You never know if you can fly until you lift the landing gear. Good Luck!!!!
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A
male
reader, Love-Wisely +, writes (10 November 2010):
 We really become fixed on our idea of relationship, to the neglect of the reality of it. On top of that, we become sexually dependent on people. They learn our body, we learn theirs - it can be the most exciting and intimate knowledge in the world.
But... and, here is the scary part. Having sex with a sexually active ex: is a formula for self destruction. We feel disrespected. We feel cheap. And eventually, we feel empty and obsessed.
This actually makes the sex even MORE intense. And we figure, why not? At least I can get hot sex out of the situation. Eventually, we all have to get off this particular roller coaster ride to survive.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Sex doesn't always equal love, honey. Sometimes sex=sex. You still have a hold on him because he was your first and you will always be in each other's lives due to the child you share. Why did you break up in the first place? Basically, you guys are friends with benefits now, not a relationship..,hopefully you're using protection since he has other females as well. Doesn't sound like very good boyfriend material to me. It's best that you buck up and cut off the sexual contact, move on to finding a decent man. Keep it with your ex as only talking when it pertains to your child, nothing more.
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A
female
reader, misLadYd..  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 maybe you feel like you will breakdown if you get out but you dont have a choice.you just have to move on because this ex of yours is just using you.i mean he has other women,just get youself out of that hole before you sink too deep.you will be ok,you wil move on.women are strong so believe in yourself
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