A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My husband has told me three times on three seperate ocassions in our 6 year relationship that he doesn't know if he loves me, and that because of my weight he is no longer atracted to me.He has a lot of issues and has started councilling and was diagnosed with a mental illness. im practically killing my self trying to lose this weight. Each time he says he is not sure about his love for me he apolgizes. We have a toddler and to me divorce is not an option what should I do?
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female
reader, this_years_love  +, writes (10 November 2010):
 I am not married so I don't have much advice about what TO do but I can say absolutely to the second answer from the anonymous reader NO NO NO NO NO.
Do NOT tell him to help you and if you DO be VERY careful about how you do it and consider enlisting the help of a counsellor for the conversation.
I made the mistake when I was younger (I'm 20 now) of asking my mom to 'help' me lose weight after she'd been open about the fact that she thought I needed to and I got WAY more than what I bargained for. I essentially was harassed everytime I ate anything (whoever heard of a mom telling their child they were eating too much fruit and veg?) and because I lived with her (which i'm assuming you do with your husband) I didn't feel I could escape judgement at meal times.
I started WAY over eating out of anger and bitterness when I wasn't home, and hiding what I ate when I was home. I had drawers of hidden food in my room and ended up gaining even MORE weight than I lost. Eventually I develloped bulimia and anorexia because of the habits I had gotten accustomed to, and when I moved out of home it all got worse because nobody was there to moniter me. I grew up being fed 'healthy attitude and self esteem' education in school, from my parents, etc, etc. I was an athlete in a rough sport that placed no emphasis on thinness (definitely not a balerina or gymnast) and had grown up wondering how people with eating disorders could do that to themselves, and it still happened to me.
It's taken me SO much hard work to get as well as I am now and I still deal with those feelings and urges sometimes. This is not just the teenage and hollywood fad it's made out to be. Anyone can devellop an eating disorder in the right circumstances, and i urge you to be EXTREMELY careful with how you approach this situation. If your husband is unhappy with how you look and you give him responsibility in changing that, he will likely become selfish and push you furthur than you can even immagine if he thinks he'll get what he wants from it. You don't need that, you don't need the guilt or the pressure. Asking him for help is confirming that his feelings and the the way he terats you is OKAY which you SHOULD NOT DO. it's NOT okay and needs to be dealt with.
I wish you the best and I really hope you find your way through this without following the same path I have.
A
male
reader, hiro06 +, writes (10 November 2010):
Love is emotional not physical. You just dont stop loving someone because they gain weight. He should be more concern about future health problem you may develop not whether he can get his dick up. If he really did love weight shouldnt be a issue. I can understand if your weigh became an issue to the point where you were physically unable to have intercourse, but thats not the case. People age and get older if he is complaining about your weight now then its just going to something else later down the line like saggy skin or something. Your husband does have a mental illness. He is mental retarded. Your husband is selfish, self-centered, self-absorded, arrogant, and is an irrational self-righteous asshole. Im pretty sure his words have hurt you and caused you to lose self-confident in yourself. I say screw that selfish bastard and lose weigh for you and no one else. And as far as I concern your husband can go screw himself and go masturbate to porno quietly in a corner. If your husband truly did love you he would love you for who you are not what he think you should be or look like. But hey thats just how I feel and everyone is entitled to their own opinions. All I say is this find someone who are truly love you for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2010): You need to listen to what he's saying, insensitive or not he is still holding on. I recently started dating a man who left his wife for the same issue. He became unattracted due to her weight gain, yet she never lost the weight. Now they are divorced. You say he has a mental illness, perhaps you can combat two things at once. I would suggest you start doing active things together. Tell him you need help with the weight loss. By participating in walks or any number of winter activities together you will strengthen your bond. Research also shows that exercise is an endorphin for depression as well. Maybe you will rediscover yourselves this way.
Also as a side note what type of diet are you doing for the weight loss?
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (10 November 2010):
 Well have you gained a noticeable amount of weight after childbirth? It's possible you just haven't lost it just yet..no need to beat yourself up over your husband's rude comments. Now what does he look like, does he have any room to talk?
Your husband has an illness that forces him to make rude comments? I don't feel like the issue is your weight, so there's no need to go killing yourself at the gym, and potentially winding up in the hospital. It seems like it's more of his medical condition, which I would see about medication to maintain it (if possible). On top of that, extra counseling such as marriage counseling couldn't hurt.
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