A
male
age
36-40,
*rymsoul
writes:It's so frustrating and unfair. Every girl I like or hit on somehow dislikes me. But most of the girls I show no genuine interest in, seems to fall for me. For instance, I have a female friend that I frequently talk to. Let's call her A. I use to flirt with her in the beginning because at first I actually did find her sexually attractive. But over time, I realized that A wasn't the one I was looking for. Our interests weren't the same. Still, we managed to become close friends and do stuff together. We're so close that people have thought that we were a couple. We sometimes give eachother rides home, spend lunch break together, talk every chance we get, laugh all the time, etc. She's a great girl but I'm just not interested in her beyond friendship. I didn't think this was a problem until a mutual friend of ours was talking to me about nothing special. We were just chatting it up to pass the time, until she teased me about her knowing who has a crush on me.I was hoping it was a certain girl that I've been spending weeks to get to notice me. But unfortunately, she said it was A that was falling for me. She said that A would constantly talk about me when I wasn't around. She also said that A said that I was handsome and funny. This is all very flattering to hear but I can't help but get sick to my stomach. I'm not turned off by the idea of A liking me, I just feel like our friendship isn't going to be the same anymore. In the beginning, when I flirted with A, I made it apparent that I was interested in sex. She turned me down quickly but she kept coming around to talk with me. The flirting stopped but we began to form a friendship instead. I got use to the idea that A wasn't going to put out(sorry to be so blunt). But I also got used to the idea that she was a great friend to hang around. Now that she's falling for me, I can't help but feel that I have to end this friendship. I don't want to hurt her because I'm not interested in a relationship with her. A is the kind of girl who doesn't do anything sexual unless she's in a committed relationship. The only reason I feel I need to end it is because I don't want her feelings to get stronger. I don't want to mislead her into thinking that I want a relationship with her. I'm only interested in sex but after knowing that she might want a relationship, I would never decieve her to get what I want. I'm currently trying my darnest to get the girl that I DO want a relationship with. Let's call her B. B is everything that I want in a girl. She's beautiful, soft-spoken, laughs at my jokes, GREAT sense of humor, barely talks to anyone, etc. But B just isn't showing any kind of attraction to me beyond friendship. I know, I'm going through the same thing with B that A is going through with me. It just doesn't seem fair. I'm infatuated with B. A wants me. I like A but not interested in anything besides sex. I don't want to hurt my female freind but I don't want to give her false hopes. B is the girl that I feel could make me the happiest I've ever been. I've never felt this kind of attraction since my last girlfriend of three years. That was over a year ago. I really want to focus on B, but I don't want to hurt A. How should I do this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sammia  +, writes (17 June 2012):
Firstly what you have with A is a very special friendship and you would be lost without this girl. She is bound to talk about you to people. This friend how told you A likes you could be waiting for a reaction she might be testing the water she could be the one who actually fancies you. Don't listen to other people, ask your friend be totally honest about your feelings if she is falling for you yes she will be hurt but no as much as if you end your friendship with no explanation. Despite the rumours women are not complex all we want is honesty. As for B ask her out the worse thing that can happen is she says no. Sometimes what we don't realise is when you like someone we give off a desperation signal. Talk and treat B the way you treat A and you will see a difference. Woman don't want needy men but we do want someone who is nice kind and considerate of our feelings and who can ask us out. Good luck I hope everything works out.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (17 June 2012):
 Hurt is something we all face. If you don't like girl A as a girlfriend, you need to start limiting time with her and perhaps ask girl B out. You can't spend your time trying to get girls to notice you. Girls like someone a little more upfront. Ask her if she'd like to go out for pizza or something. Be prepared that some girls may not be interested in going out with you and will tell you "no thanks". A is probably going to be hurt regardless of what you do and you might need to explain to her IF she gets upset because you are cutting down on time with her. I know they say men and women can be friends. I'm friends with the opposite sex at work, but that time is pretty limited. If I'm spending a lot of time with someone eating lunch, going out, talking...I am reinforcing the idea that I like that person in a romantic way. So, like I said, limit your time with girl A--your friend if you really don't want to be in a romantic relationship with her. It is unfair to lead her on. You may not feel you are doing that, but if she really likes you...that is the way she is going to feel. On the other hand, you can't sit and not live your life if there is someone you're really interested in.
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A
female
reader, curious1987  +, writes (17 June 2012):
 As much as it hurts to hear. honesty is the best policy. Sitdown with A and tell her that you can only ever see the two of you being friends, and that you just dont think she is the one for you. Tell her you wanted to be friends but didn't know how with out making her think you wanted more than friendship. ive been here before and it will hurt for her to find out but if you want to keep the friendship it has to be done. then sit B down and tell her how you feel about her. if she doesnt feel the same you can at least move on. and by telling A u allow her to move on. good luck. and let me know how it goes. xx
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