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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Hi, everybody i'm new here so here goes... about 2 months ago my husband and i got in a near fatal car accident. i am ok, just came out with a broken arm, but my husband suffered a serious concussion and he has been in a coma ever since. i'm so scared if he won't come out and while the doctor was scanning my arm they also told me i was pregnant and now i'm really scared... if i lose my husband i don't want to raise this baby on my own and i'm thinking about terminating it...what should i do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2010): You should talk to your family, his family and friends. Im sure you will be offered support. If u loose this baby you may regret it for ever. Some one asked how would your husband want you to do? That was a great question but I didn't see an answer. What if u were in his spot? Would you want to have that little bit of you still on earth if u didn't make it?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 December 2010):
 There is something very weird about this whole thread if you ask me...makes for a great Harlequin novel however. What kind of person is afraid to be there for her husband? What kind of doctor tells someone that the husband will be "just fine" then induces a coma? That's pretty serious business. This just doesn't smell right.
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female
reader, annakat +, writes (21 December 2010):
 Please continue with your pregnancy. I understand that your situation is difficult right now, but you never know what will happen down the line. Your husband may recover tomorrow, he may recover in a few months, but he also may never recover. But either way if you terminate the pregnancy now and he recovers in a few months you may regret it. Even if he never comes out of his coma you may still regret the abortion. If you have your baby and he still isn't out of his coma, or even if he is and you feel that having a baby would be too stressful, you can give the baby up for adoption. Doing that can be just as hard of a decision but I sympathize with all of the childless people who want desperately to adopt. Once you have the abortion there's no turning back. But if you wait you still have the option to give the baby up for adoption. I just think it would be a shame to kill the baby when there are people out there willing to care for and love it if your situation isn't suited to raise a child. When it all comes down to it, it is your decision alone; but I do hope that you find the opinions people offer you helpful. God bless.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): My thoughts exactly Danielepew.
To be honest, the story sounds strange at certain points. First, how come they found out you were pregnant when scanning your arm? Or did you expect this before the accident already? If you had known before that accident, would you have had doubts too?
And another thing, if they decide to try to bring your husband out of the coma, you may want to be there, if only to talk to him. I cannot imagine not wanting to be there, and check how he is doing, just be with him.
Perhaps you are too afraid of all the things that are happening, and are trying to shut it all out. How difficult as it may seem, at some point you will have to face reality. Seek support, take action.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Not to show any disregard for the difficult situation, but, in my corner of the world, this question wouldn't even be asked. We would fail to see the connection between the husband being in coma and the girl having an abortion.
Sorry if I come across as an insensitive bastard, but, what link is there between the fact that the husband is in a coma, and the fact that the poster is pregnant? The link seems to be "Hubby dies or stays comatose" = "Baby is aborted". So, if hubby were not comatose and healthy, would baby not be aborted? Do we need to suppose that we wouldn't even be hearing about an abortion if the husband were OK?
If that is the case, what happens if the poster has an abortion and the husband comes out just fine?
Not that I'm afraid of people thinking I'm a bastard, but, if there is a link between the two facts, will someone please explain it publicly here?
Also, in my books, having a comatose husband and refusing to even see him is not exactly the behavior I would expect from a loving wife.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Which state are you in, East Coast, West Coast, South, Midwest? And what type of unit is he living in?
Did you call your OB/GYN to make an appointment yet?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe coma was induced, and i have been receiving papers to fill out on behalf of him, the doctor told me he would be fine the day i came out of the hospital, which was time ago... my mother in law told me he was induced to stabilize his condition and they may have a hard time getting him back out. But since he was induced i believe he has a fighting chance, as for the baby i dont know what to do. Plus the doctors are trying to cleay make sure of his head injuries, but im afraid.of seeing him
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2010):
Is the coma medically induced or is it just that he hasn't woken up? Has he shown any signs of consciousness? How is he being fed? Is he intubated?
What infections has he had since being hospitalized? You need to know all of these things, and you should most certainly have been told what his daily progress looks like.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2010):
Oh, and of course, the nurses would be reporting his daily news to you, and the hospitalist would be wanting to discuss the next steps. Is he in an ICU, a regular hospital bed or have they moved him to a long-term care facility?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2010):
It's okay, you don't have to see him, if you don't feel you can. I'm intrigued that the doctor said nothing about his diagnosis. "He'll be fine" after two months in a coma is a puzzling diagnosis. I would question the level of care he is receiving if that is all you've been told after 2 months with him in a coma.
There are bills that are probably coming in now, statements and also we can't forget the multiple consent forms you'd have to be reading and signing. Who is doing that for you?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): That choice is up to you. No one here can tell you to keep or abort the baby as you must do what is right in your heart and head.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou know, as to the situation with my husband i know this may seem crazy but, im too scared to see him, i saw him the day i got out of the hospital myself, the doctor said i shouldnt worry, because he'll be fine... but that was weeks ago. He is my world, and the strength in my life, i dont know what to do to see him in such a vunerable state... i am praying that he wakes up, and most of me really believes he will make it,
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): God be with you, angel girl. I pray that you find the comfort and guidance you need from his wisdom and that you receive the strength to endure.
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male
reader, Jonronjon +, writes (20 December 2010):
If you really love this guy DONT. I can see your situation from a money standpoint. But would you or could you live your life with that in your mind? Knowing that he might be gone at any second and the only part of him left is that child, and you want to remove it.
I promise you if you do, because i recently with my Fiancee , A day wont go by that you wont wonder what it wouldve been like, what that child wouldve felt like, sounded like, smiled ,look liked. I hate myself and i will forever because of it.
If you love this man, if you really thought it was worth you, if he was worth it you wouldnt kill the only part of him that might be left. because If you had that child and you were the one there dieing he wouldnt have it terminated.
But its your choice. can you really move onto a new person after all this and have their child?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (20 December 2010):
Do you know your husband well enough to figure out what he would say in the matter?
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reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 December 2010):
This is a very difficult situation to be in, I can see that you are struggling to cope. I think your best course of action is to talk to the hospital family services division and ask for a referral for yourself. There are support groups and services for people in your situation.
If your husband has sustained a life-altering TBI (traumatic brain injury) this is a very difficult diagnosis and so hard for doctors to predict. If he's been in a coma for 2 months, it's not merely a concussion. What did they tell you the diagnosis was?
Here is a comprehensive link for you to start to seek support: http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tbi/tbi.htm
I cannot tell you what to do regarding your pregnancy or your husband's care and treatment. If you are not being informed as to the severity and extent of his injury and the potential outcomes you face, it's time to speak up. The thing I've learned the hard way is that you have to be your own strong advocate for good medical care AND good communications regarding the medical care you or a loved on is experiencing. In other words, you have to educate yourself and learn to speak up and ask questions if you don't understand something.
You don't have a lot of time to decide what to do, so talk to the family services coordinator at the hospital, your own OB/GYN and get the information you need to make the best decision for yourself and your family.
Best wishes to you. I hope your husband recovers fully.
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reader, Lastcall  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Hi, and let me say how awful it must feel to be in this Catch22... That having been said What would you tell your best friend (and then BE your best friend!) I know this is easy to say however personally i would have to go with WHAT YOU THINK WOULD BE BEST FOR ALL AROUND cuz in the end it will be YOU !!! Love yourself take all advice under consideration and then go with your heart. And maybe think also about WHAT if the roles were reversed? what would your Husband do? Much sympathy for you and your families for what you are going through!
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reader, Odds +, writes (20 December 2010):
 This is as much a moral judgement as a practical one. Much as I'd like to, I can't make the moral decision for you. I can point out that you're obviously under duress, which is the worst time to make long-term decisions (but, often, the only time we get). You're right to seek advice for this one, but the best people to seek would be family, close friends, and/or your religious guide (priest, rabbi, or whatever, if applicable).
I would disagree with Maverick about babies being "supposed to bring happiness." They bring hard work and decades-long investment of time and energy. They are inherently stressful. We do it to propogate our legacy, not because they're supposed to make a us happy - otherwise, there would be no reason to keep any baby that didn't make us happy. This situation does complicate things, but try to make the decision with regard to the practical and long-term moral issues.
Practically speaking, being a single mother is tough. It's tough on you, and tough on the kid. The children of single mothers are more likely to have all sorts of behavioral problems, not to mention the stress on the mother. Not everyone can handle it - and there's no shame in that, if it's true.
It would be very tough to predict how you will react emotionally to your decision later. Given the stress of the situation, you may abort it and then feel terrible for destroying your last chance at having your husband's child - or, you may not abort it, then feel terrible for bringing a child into those circumstances. You know yourself, and your family knows you; ask them how they think you would react. Ask yourself what you can live with.
Do check with the doctors regarding your husband's chances of waking up. Obviously, there's no way to be certain either way, but take it into account.
You have my condolences, for what they're worth. I hope you find the right decision. God bless.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (20 December 2010):
Phew, what a situation! First of all I hope that your husband will come out of this okay!
About the baby...Everyone is different ofcourse. As terrible as it sounds, if he doesn't wake up your baby would be all that's left of him and it's a scary thought to sacrifice that.
However, you're very young and in a very stressful situation. A baby is supposed to bring happiness and right now it would only add to the stress. I would talk to the attending doctors about the possibilities of him waking up because of this decision you're faced with. If they can give you any kind of prognosis, it might give you the info you need to make your decision.
The best of luck in this hard time.
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