A
female
age
,
*ishy doll
writes:Bf of 5 yrs has platonic(beyond doubt)unattractive lady friend nad I have befriended her at my insistance!I have eaten out with her,got her blind dates,girly goss together n the 3 of us have been out.However when my BF visits her from time to time she does NOT want me to come along!!She tells me he is her v best mate!! He agrees with me but he REFUSES to confront her n says I am overreacting!Am I? She is a v needy person n does have an odd view of relationships I have to say n is always on look out for love!!God if only she would find it!!! Many thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 She may resent you, but she may not. Who cares? If you trust your BF this shouldn't be an issue.
By the way, never force a "them or me" decision. This is NEVER a good idea. When forced to make that decision I always choose them, because a real friend or partner would not make me choose.
A
female
reader, dishy doll +, writes (18 October 2010):
dishy doll is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all for your advice! He did some repairs for her y-day n she didnt even ask how I was(common courtesy I would say)so I do have to conclude she resents my being around n is jealous of me tho prob not in a sexual way(tho bet she would'nt say no!)as she is very needy!More comments welcome n thanks again!
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Okay, there's one contradiction is what you just said.
You said that your boyfriend agrees with you but thinks you're overreacting? Which is it
It sounds to me that even though you say that their relationship is platonic "beyond doubt", you're feeling like it's encroaching on your relationship with your guy, and she's feeling like you're encroaching on her relationship with your guy.
Bottom line is this: If you're not comfortable with their relationship to the point where it doesn't bug you at all to go do things without you, you have every right to say so! My feeling is that your guy might mean well, but the girl may have an attachment to him that is encroaching.
In order to ascertain your guy's intentions, ask him whether he would be comfortable with the exact same arrangement with you and a guy friend of yours. Ask him how he would feel if your platonic guy friend wanted your boyfriend out of the picture in order to spend time with you. Most guys wouldn't stand for that, no matter how evolved and non-jealous they were.
In the end though, it's your call. I applaud your openmindedness and understanding, in any rate.
...............................
A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (18 October 2010):
Hi,
I wouldnt worry about it unless she fanices your BF.
I have a v good female friend. She is attractive and we get on well.She has a partner, but sometimes comes over for dinner/watch a film alone and we chat about various things including her/my relationship with our respective partners.
Maybe she just wants male advice on certain issues that she doesnt want to share with another female judging her. Your BF may see her as a sister figure...difficult to tell without more information.
...............................
A
male
reader, HotGeek  +, writes (18 October 2010):
I understand your feelings towards him, but you want to be the first one, not the second, right? Value yourself. I'd say "It's either her, or me". Or at least "less her, more me"m but tell him exactly why. If you don't want him to take it as "bitching", then do it delicately, but consistently.
And forget the "platonic" part. Even if she doesn't want to have sex with him, she wants to own him. Again, I'd imagine you'd want to be second only to his career, if even that.
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 October 2010):
I would say that you're overreacting. You stated that you have no reason to be jealous or suspect him of wanting to cheat with this friend, so why does it matter if they spend some time alone together? He shouldn't have to spend all his time with friends with you around. That isn't healthy for either of you. The only issue here is the one you've made. You can make it not an issue just as easily. If you have nothing to worry about, then don't worry about it. It really is that simple.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 October 2010):
 Well it sounds like your boyfriend and this women has a very strong friendship and he obviously doesnt want to upset her. Maybe she just wants to talk to him without you being there, has she ever flirted with him or has he told you she has acted any way suspicious?
The only real advice that can be givin here is if you trust your boyfriend not to cheat then you should allow this friendship as he is entitled to have friends outside of your relationship just like you are so if its pure platonic i wouldnt worry about it.
If you feel he is spending more time with her than you then tell him you want the both of you to enjoy sometime alone together aswell.
...............................
|
