A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I have a massive problem right now, cant sleep at night, cant eat. I don't know what 2 do. Here goes.I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now, and for the first few months he was so lovely and so good 2 be with. But now I am so scared of him. He tells me what to do, we spend every single day 2gether cos he wont let us be apart, he rings me 5 times a day when I am at work, I have 2 speak 2 him on the phone if i aren't with him, and i darent say no. He comments if i put any weight on (even tho i am only a size 6-8). He tells me who i can have for a friend. He decides what we do. I am a completely different person now. I used 2 be so happy and bubbly. Now I am so depressed, I don't want to be here anymore.And last week he got abusive physically in an argument. I am now more scared than ever. And sometimes I still want to be with him and think I really love him. But most of the time i just want to get away but i am 2 scared! Help me please i am stuck x
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female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Please read these articles/postings:
How to get over your ex and move on http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-your-ex-and-move.html
I need to get my daughter and I out of my husband's house because he hits us, but I have no clue how! http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-need-to-get-my-daughter-and-i.html
Love hurts! But, shall I call her, or move on? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/love-hurts-but-shall-i-call-her-or.html
His hand curled into a fist..is this a sign that he may be abusive? http://www.dearcupid.org/question/his-hand-curled-into-a-fistis-this-a.html
And some more links:
To start your own research, here's a few articles you can read up on:
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Warning Signs and Symptoms of Abusive Relationships http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
Domestic violence http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_abuse
Stockport Domestic Abuse Forum http://s1.stockport.gov.uk/DAF/home.html
Domestic violence toward women: Recognize the patterns and seek help http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/domestic-violence/WO00044
Violence Against Women - What is Abuse? http://www.4woman.gov/Violence/signs/
Signs of Abuse/Abusive Relationships http://rappingonamelody.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!10E7CAB72959D790!237.entry
Signs of Abuse in a Relationship http://www.namb.net/site/c.9qKILUOzEpH/b.695551/k.9CD9/Signs_of_Abuse.htm
Abuse In Relationships http://teenadvice.about.com/od/abusedomestic/Abuse_In_Relationships.htm
Lots of Relationships Turn Abusive http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/relationships/abuse.html
28 Signs of An Abuser http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/08/28-signs-of-abuser.html
Domestic Abuse - Why Do They Do It? http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/abuse/a/990407.htm
MyHEALTH Portal - Mental Health outcome and Rehab http://www.myhealth.gov.my/myhealth/eng/kanak_content.jsp?lang=kanak&storymaster=0&storyid=1196299336401&substoryid=1196386464680
"Diagnose an Abusive Relationship, Instantly. And Learn the 5 'Red Flags' to be Aware of..." http://www.preventabusiverelationships.com/ and http://www.enddomesticabuse.org/ipas_hc.php
Domestic Violence and Abuse: Help, Treatment, Intervention, and Prevention http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_help_treatment_prevention.htm
Domestic Violence Helpline for Men and Women http://dahmw.org/
Unfortunately, many more sites on Domestic/Spousal Abuse.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): i was in this situation with my ex and im now staying at my friends he was soo nice at the start then became abusive and turned nasty and i couldn't believe the guy i love was doing ths to me it still hurts as it was only 2 nights sgo but i already am phoning him and texing and hes not replying so im beginning to see tht i really didn't mean anything to him.i suggest u forget about this guy like im doing my ex. it will be soo hard at the start im nt going to lie so if u kan just push through that and get out there and meet new ppl u will start to feel better and move on. but don't make the same mistake i made by going back to him after the big break up because it never works its already damaged and cracks will appear again and it will be double the pain, i no im going thru it right now and im crying everyday but i no i will get better with my friends around and concentrating on college and work.
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (8 April 2009):
 maybe you don't want him to move on because you're fearing what he may do to the next girl or the next girl after that.
you just need to be so strong in yourself and pick yourself and just say HEY!
no more!
and say you've finally had enough and you know as well as anyone on here you don't deserve to be treated like that!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Thank u all so much for your replies to my problem. The thing is I dont know how to get out of this, also I am starting 2 feel like I will never like another boy and that he is the only one for me. I also hate to think of him moving on after me. I dont know why I feel like this because I really do not like him at the mo. I cant believe what he is doing to me and i feel so suffocated.
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A
male
reader, RON_499  +, writes (8 April 2009):
 Look i think that right now u should first try finding out why he's doing this...if theres something thats disturbing him..if he co-operates clear things up...but if he still stays arrogant after trying like 3 times..then forget him......ure worth more than him....it'll be hard but its whats right for both of u....hope i helped...tell me if u need anymore help k dear....
Oh n always stay cheerful no matter what...even if u dnt find anything to be happy bout tell urself that some1 in the world is happy right now n so u should be happy too...after all we are happy in other people's happiness right?...
C-ya n keep smiling :-]!!!
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A
female
reader, wonderingcat +, writes (8 April 2009):
My dear friend,You have already shown signs of being a victim of an abusive relationship. A person does not turn from being bubbly to depressive without any reason. And clearly, you are a bright and sensible person to have already identified the cause of your depression: your boyfriend.Statistically speaking, abuse escalates from verbal, to emotional to physical. I am sure you would not want to be his punching bag, psychologically and physiologically. If you typed in the words abuse, abusive, abused in the search column at the top right hand of this page, you find many postings with similar (as well as more horrid) postings on abusive relationship.Please re-assess your relationship with him. If he acknowledges that he has a problem with his behaviour, then ask him to go to a professional so he can "heal" himself. If he does not acknowledge it, then you should leave him now, before you are so down on yourself that you feel that you could not function without him. He is the one with insecurities problem, not you. And you are not a trained professional to help him overcome his problem.If you need further information or links to help you understand abuse and abusive behaviour, let us know. We will try to look for them and post them here for you.He should be loving you, looking after you, respecting you. Not abusing and disrespecting you.Good luck and please stay strong! Cat
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A
female
reader, lilmissnabs +, writes (8 April 2009):
Dear stuck,
I would say the best thing to do is to tell someone, You fell in love with the nice person he was before not the person he is now,if there are any members of your family around then you should tell them they will know what to do and how to protect you from any further damage.
signed
lilmissnabs
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): you need to tell someone about his rapid change in behavior and you shouldn't be put down by him size 6-8 pfft! that's slim!
not fat at all hun!
i am sure you are perfectly portioned he is just a lame and thinks he is a big man trying to control a young vulnerable girl in a relationship you desparately need to get out of there before it's too late!
he's already picking your friends and sufforcating you!
you really have to tell someone family or friends!
or even a doctor you just need to get out of there PROTO!!!
your too young and don't deserve this kind of treatment!
you've got your whole life ahead of you, you have plenty more choices in the world for a new man and new start.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009): Why are abusive men nice at the start? well all women would run a mile as there no emotional attachment there! they make sure they got you before they start bringing out their true colours. This man dosen't love you, he dosen't know how to love properly. You need to get out, the psyhical abuse has just started and will get worse. GET OUT.
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