A
female
age
36-40,
*tanislava
writes:We've been together since 3 months. The first week we were dating I caught him writing to me from a fake Facebook profile (my friend noticed the profile's page on his Iphone). It was just a smalltalk so I asummed this is normal and wrote some stuff pretending not to know it's him. After a while I removed the account from my friends. A month ago another fake profile added me - I knew it was him again by the fact that I was the only friend in the list. I asked the fake "Where do we know each other from?", but he didn't answer. Obviously he just wanted to check my pictures, statuses, etc. as if I've hidden something. I asked my boyfriend in personal if he is jealous and he said "I'll never show you even if I am.". He also shares absolutely nothing about past relationships, but knows all about my past love life - and mine ain't much anyway.Last week he bought me a very expencive jewel. That made me feel a bit embarassed since I didn't have a birthday. I think that if you want to show affection, a tiny present is enough - such as a flower or a card. But he is just in a hurry. And the very next day another fake account added me. This time a female - but I knew who it is by the likes and interests and phrases. So I asked if we knew each other. The reply - "No, just looking for friends". We chatted a bit and I dared to say "Hey, why do people use fake accounts? Why don't you talk or be friends in person? There is nothing bad about that.". The answer was: "Im jus a decent lady lookin for a friend and u are a stupid whore that should get her mouth shut with summtin. Fuck off bitch.". Then he blocked me. So I got a bit scared knowing that the nice guy that hugs me and makes love to me calls me a whore through the internet...By the way, he confessed face to face he had gambling problems (and I've noticed he still does gamble) and has been with a hooker once. He's 24 and actually seems a very nice and smart guy so I didn't pay much attention to this redflag. I really liked him, but now I'm so confused. I don't want to sound accusive to him or to make a big deal out of it, but it feels creepy. Since he will lie and deny I decided to ask you for advice. What would you do and is this normal? Do men do this often? Is it because of being insecure or jealous or just crazy?
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escort, facebook, gambling, insecure, jealous, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 May 2012):
 OK, for now its done. We knew this was coming, the denials and everything. But it doesn't matter, because he is a creep and a liar and not someone you can trust IN THE LEAST.
Please make yourself strong, don't let your emotions get the better of you. This is not the right person for you. He is dangerous and abusive and a liar. Don't give him credit for telling you about the gambling problem, he hasn't done you any favors.
Don't entertain him further. Don't give him any signals that you might still want to talk to him. Meanwhile, seek support from your family and friends and be safe.
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (28 May 2012):
 Well done. It is totally over. It may take time for it to sink in to his stubborn (putting in kindly) head but you've said what you needed to say. If he starts being troublesome you will need to nip that right in the bud - you may have to be cruel to be kind. Don't give him any hope at all of a reunion and stay firm.
You did the right thing :)
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A
female
reader, Stanislava +, writes (28 May 2012):
Stanislava is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk,I told him I want to break up, since I feel strange in this relationship and I need some time on my own. And he just stared blancly into the air for a long time and after that started convincing me that he can give me space, that we are great together... It wasn't a big show since it was in a caffeteria near my home, but he refuses to take his gift back. It was just 2 hours ago and I hope he will give up on me. But it still hurts me since I had feelings for him, maybe I even still do. I just don't get it - why didn't he spoke to me, but investigated online instead. And he was fair about his gambling problems and the experience with a prostitute - he said those by his own will. I don't know, I told him someone is writing to me from fake accounts and he acted surprised. Asked a lot about it and pretended to be worried about me and to want to take care. I just couldn't blame directly and admit that my friend find out it was him by glancing at his phone... I feel relieved now, but still not sure if it's totally over
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (28 May 2012):
Meet him in a crowded place, do not go to his house or anything. Be sure to let your mom know. I agree that he might not give up easily, chances are that he will be very difficult. Be strong, do not give in no matter what he says, and when you break up, break up for good. No pity talks, no meeting him again, no contact with him in any way. Delete him off Facebook, lock your albums so that he cannot stalk you even if he wants to, dont answer his calls/messages/mails.
Please keep us updated. Hope it works out for the best!
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A
female
reader, Stanislava +, writes (28 May 2012):
Stanislava is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, I told my best friend and my mom about the situation, so the only thing that's left is to talk to him. It is going to be very hard.
I also think he's expecting the break up, since he hasn't called since Saturday - that's 2 days and is very atypical for him. But it just doesn't feel like he is going to give up that easily. I hadn't called too, I am very frank as a person and just can't pretend that we are OK. But I also can't break up over the phone - it is just unfair and rude even in this case. For now I decided to be quiet and when he searches for me to start the topic. Maybe we should meet in a caffee or I don't know ...
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (27 May 2012):
I hope you've split up with him and he's leaving you alone. Stay safe. Consider youself lucky to have only had three months of his crazy behaviour and move on..... x
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A
female
reader, Eyespy17  +, writes (27 May 2012):
Please break up with him in a public spot or even over the phone. It's only a few month. You don't owe him a whole song and dance - look out for you. Just be nice and do it as quickly as possible. Remember if you are 100% sure it's him on those fake accounts (and not his crazy ex or something) then don't hesitate to end it or let him talk you back. Be strong. Xoxo
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 May 2012):
OP his "pleasant" behavior is all part of the facade, that is how controlling abusers work. This man is a bit of both, with lots of crazy thrown in! I'm glad you have made the decision of breaking up with up, expect lots of tears and "please dont do this do me", and then maybe shouts and yells. Be prepared he might call you repeatedly and harass you and this is where support from your friends and family will come in. They should know the situation and understand the gravity of it.
Trust me OP, breaking up with him is the best thing you can do. Dont forget to return that gift, you dont want to keep anything from him that can be used against you.
Please keep us informed. All the best..
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A
female
reader, Stanislava +, writes (27 May 2012):
Stanislava is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for the advice and support!
So I made a decision to break up with him before it gets too late. I'll return the gift and share with my mom about the situation tonight. Well, not all the details since she might get scared but I think that my closest people should know that the guy I've been dating is creepy. My friends will be shocked about the break up since they liked him a lot, I even felt guilty when last night they all spoke what a nice guy he was, while not knowing about our problems.
I just don't know how he may react. He seems pretty normal most of the time, but has this moments when shouting to coworkers on the phone for such small stuff, calling names and so on that I should expect a great arguement. Just kind of scarry, but staying in this situation is scarrier..
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 May 2012):
What would you do and is this normal?
I would break up with him This Instant!! His behavior is far from normal and the first time I've heard of something this bizarre.
Do men do this often?
I've never known any guy to do this. Its ridiculous!
Is it because of being insecure or jealous or just crazy?
Its all 3 actually. He doesnt trust you, so he thinks its necessary to stalk you with fake accounts, to see if you've got anything to hide. If you do, hell will break loose.
OP this guy is Bad News. He's very creepy, he sounds dangerous and his behavior is very Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. Please break up with him AT ONCE and tell your parents and your friends about him, because people around you need to be aware of this whack-job. Please break off completely, do not entertain him and remember, you don't owe him anything, not even the smallest explanation. Don't give him the opportunity to lie and deny, just don't tell him anything. Remember, you owe him NOTHING.
Return the expensive present, because you don't want that to come bite you in the behind later. He might make it nasty and arm-twist you, emotionally blackmailing you about his show of "love".
Block him from Facebook and delete his number. Don't be naive about this OP, there is much more to him than meets the eye, don't ignore the glaring red flags. He might be a smooth operator on the surface but its all murky inside.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (27 May 2012):
 He is a liar, a stalker and creepy. And the response he gave you on his fake ID is nasty. After only three months? Why are you still with him. His behaviour is not normal, please talk to your parents about this, so they are aware of the situation and then end the relationship.
Finish it with him, and dont add anybody to your friend lists unless you actually KNOW them in person.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (27 May 2012):
Honestly if it were me it would scare me i mean going through lengths like that... After only 3mos... And you dont know much about his past. Hes acting like there is something wrong with him. Do you want to be with someone that lies? Especially with the way he became angered so easily with what you said online. If you have all your facts right and you are sure its him you should leave. Its all too fishy and i would get out now while you can. Something is wrong.
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A
female
reader, unique-angel +, writes (27 May 2012):
Normally men do not do this, maybe if he thought you was cheating or i don't know extreme trust issues once is enough.
but him calling you a whore, buying you a expensive gift probably to calm the waters and hoping you will forget is all red flags.
He's controlling and already lying to you.
He appear's nice , he can charm i guess. but why be with some one who will lie and try to catch you out?
that's what i would think:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): a) He doesn't trust you/is deceptive
b) He has a gambling addiction
c) He's slept with a prostitute
d) He called you a whore. I don't care if he said it under a different name, he still called you a whore.
e) He bought you an expensive present at the beginning of your relationship for no real reason. Read Dr Joe Carver's description of a 'loser' boyfriend (especially the Quick Attachment section).
f) He's displaying all of this behaviour only three months after being with you. It will only get worse.
Break up with him as soon as possible; you deserve better.
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