A
female
age
36-40,
*hokiepie
writes:Ok, so I was walking in the mall with my boyfriend and suddenly a girl (stranger) came to me and whispered in my ears, "Check your pants zip". Obviously, I was so embarrassed and so when my boyfriend asked me what she said, I just lied to him that she said nice earring. And he kinda understood that I was lying so he started asking me all different kinds of questions and then he was like promise me that that's what she said. And I was like "Ok, I promise". I know I lied to him, but I was embarrassed. But he knew I was still lying and after a lot of arguments I told him the truth. I apologized a lot after that for lying and he said that I was talking too loudly (while apologizing) and that people could hear me and he got so mad that he slapped me for lying. And so I sweared on him saying that he was a freaking coward ( I always had this impression on my mind since I was a kid that men who hit women are nothing but cowards). What should I do now? Am I wrong - I mean I know I shouldn't have lied or told him a coward. But was he not wrong too? Should he have slapped me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (27 February 2010):
 NO he is not right in slapping you.
You will be beaten up if you stay, I guarantee it.
I put myself in these situations on purpose.
My nose is in so many places where it "does not belong" and I have seen how a small simple stare can turn into a full on hospitilizing beating on a REGULAR BASIS.
Do not stay with this coward as you put it.
Do you want to be MARRIED to someone like this?
Evolution exists with everything. It is survival of the fittest. the fittest in this case is the most efficient way to get what he wants.
He will hit then promise not to do it again.
He will buy a flower (like that fucking means a god damn thing).
You will forgive.
If you are lucky, it will not happen for a month.
He will hit you again and repeat the cycle.
This time he hits you, it will be harder and he will probably not even buy you a flower.
Eventually it will progress into breaking your nose (which it WILL). It always does. ALWAYS
Then he will probably not apologize for it at all.
Then you will be too scared to leave or not confident enough to, because you think yo udeserve it already!
The first slap and you are already doubting yourself.
I cannot promise you anything aside from the fact that once he has done it, he will do it again, and again, and again...
He will not change.
The only reason why everyone in your situation does not DIE is because at one point or another enough is enough.
If you wait long enough, you will die, or you will just have broken bones on a regular basis.
Do you understand the situation you are in?
Do yourself a HUGE favor.
Watch the steve wilkos show. (youtube it)
It is an acquired taste and maybe you might not like what he does, but listen to what the abusers say. They have no respect for the women that they are literally TORTURING. They have no remorse and they all started with something small like a push or shove.
That is where you will be in under a year.
This coming from a guy who does security in huge night clubs, a guy who has stopped 22 abusive relationships, and a guy who has fought 3 guys at the same time for beating a girl up for *going to a party without her bf's permission*.
A
male
reader, Yaoming  +, writes (15 December 2009):
You are entirely correct with calling him a coward. He had NO right to hit you for such a small thing - especially when the lie does NOT affect him in any way. That's STRAIGHT UP DIRECT ABUSE. Being a guy, I could assure you that I would NEVER hit a girl for any reason - EVEN if she hit me first. I have been slapped by a girl before and I had absolutely no problem at all taking it like a man and letting her just walk away with all her girl friends who observed. In fact, I would gladly let a girl slap me repeatedly and take it just so she can see that I would not retaliate physically - at most I would just block her slaps and hold her hands away from my face.
Anyways, sorry for trailing off to show how I'm strongly opposed to hitting girls. You did not deserve it at all. He is wrong on so many levels I don't even know where to begin, nothing justifies what he did.
1. He was ridiculous for over investigating your lie and forcing you to eventually give in.
2. If he know you lied in the first place, he obviously knew what the girl said to you - HOW DOES IT EVEN AFFECT HIM?
3. He is a fucking cunt for daring to hit you at all - ESPECIALLY WAY WORSE IN HIS CASE AS YOU DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING
4. I would seriously end the relationship now. I'm serious. PLEASE do not say "but I still love him". I can guarantee he does not return the favor. I hate seeing girls end up being beaten by guys... Do yourself a favor and leave him. In fact, I would consider it a personal favor to me if you left him. I really do not wanna imagine the situation you would end up in later on. Get a decent fellow, preferably a nice gentleman who knows better than to lay a hand on a woman, but rather use his strength to protect you. Even if you're the type of girl who thinks the super nice guys are weak - believe me there are plenty of strong guys out there who know how to treat a lady and protect you rather than hurt you. Not to brag but I would categorize myself as such! :).
Anyways, bottom line: LEAVE HIM NOW, SERIOUSLY!
Good luck and hope I helped and you found my points convincing for my suggestion to leave him.
Also, if you're scared of his reaction when you leave him, contact friends, family, and local authorities and as many people who you believe could offer help for a restraining order or to disassociate yourself from him completely. In fact, I would suggest you don't even break up with him in person. Do it somewhere you're safe away from him. Cheers!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Your boyfriend is a piece of shit with anger management issues.
Leave him.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset  +, writes (3 February 2009):
To the anonymous male reader who thinks slapping a woman in public is not a serious issue. YOU shouldnt have chosen to stay anonymous, you obviously know your wrong. Men like you should be shot.
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A
female
reader, Olivia(Y). +, writes (21 January 2009):
 A boy should never hit a girl no matter what she has done.
I know you must love him but i would advise you to get out of this relationship now because the odds are hes done it once hes going to do it again. He Shouldn't of hit you full stop. Go find yourself a boy that will treat you right because you deserve an amazing boy not a boy that will phisicaly abuse you because you told a little white lie.
Hope this helped.
Olivia
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2009): You people seem to have a massive detachment from reality :o
No, as long as he does not start regularly doing this for minor reasons, there's absolutely no issue. By promising that a lie was the truth you sure overstepped quite a few borders yourself, and suggesting that you should leave him because he then slapped you (I assume not causing any major pain/wounds/..) is lunacy. As along as you don't lie to him and he does not slap you you're perfectly fine - as you say, you pretty much know what each of you did wrong. In my personal opinion calling somebody a coward for that is also quite out of place in today's emancipated western society, but you agreed with that anyway.
In any case it's not an issue serious enough to warrant longer discussions.
Please ignore the rabid idiots posting here - one even suggested that slapping in public is an especially serious issue, while it's painfully obvious that nonconsensual violence in privacy is a far more grave issue. As somebody stated, a regular shove can turn into a regular beating up, can turn into more serious injuries and beatings, but that is very very far away from a slap in public.
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A
female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (19 January 2009):
Perhaps you should get a man's view point if you're so undecided. I don't think you'll find too many women who would take the chance of him getting better, I know I wouldn't, it's too much at stake and you're too young.
Relationships are built on love and trust. A breach may result in a divorce or break up but doesn't deserve an ass whipping and that's your future if you stay with this guy. End it now and cut your losses. Don't fall for that baby I'm sorry, baby I'll change crap.
What you did was so minor, what if you wreck the car or let the baby fall out of the bed - I'd hate to think. Leave now, you have been warned but if you stay, you don't deserve to be hit.
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A
female
reader, Jendorset +, writes (18 January 2009):
its him thats in the wrong. break up with him and just ignore him. dont speak to him, if anyone asks why you ignore him and broke up then tell them the truth. You should have hit him back.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): Girls are never wrong.
And your boyfriend is not a man, if he has to use his hands to fight his battles with you.
You Need To Leave Him.
The fact that he raised his hands at you should have been your cue to leave him.
There are men out there that would be on their knees showing respect and love for a women.
Stand up for yourself and go out there and find one.
Don't EVER blame yourself for the fact that he slapped you,
or apologize for it, you have nothing to apologize for.
He needs to learn to appreciate what he has.
He never will unless you leave him.
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A
female
reader, The Doctor +, writes (18 January 2009):
No My Dear...he still has no right to slap you! When he promised to quit smoking...that is for himself and to better his life, just because you hate it...was an effort to show respect. Now the small white lie was harmless and his response is an unacceptable behavior...and was harmful you!
Now, you have to determine...how much do you respect yourself to allow such hidious behavior?
The Doctor
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A
female
reader, aunty_rach +, writes (18 January 2009):
leave his sorry ass.
he obviously has issues and to hit you in public! well that just takes it to the next level. why would he be so obsessed with finding out what the girl said to you anyway, i think he is very insecure and has real issues.
but you shouldn't worry about that! once he slaps you once, he will only do it again.
women always say oh he won't do it again, or he was stressed,blah blah. but the reality is, is that he WILL do it again and you need to leave him before he does. he needs to learn that he can't treat women like that. you should tell someone, then you can get help getting out of that relationship before it gets worse.
just remember he is the one with the problem, not you. so don't feel bad or guilty for dumping his sorry ass. like you said he is a coward, as he hits women and he probably could never take on a man in a fight. so he makes himself feel big by hitting girls. DUMP HIM!
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A
female
reader, MommyOfOne +, writes (18 January 2009):
 Abusers ALWAYS start with a shove, a slap. And before you know it, it spirals out of control, and your trying to hide a black eye. How long have you been with him. It usually take about 18 months to fully see someones true colors, and chances are he has been on his best behavior until now. This is normal. Everyone puts their best foot forward in a new relationship. He is more than likely starting to let his guard down and slipping up.
I would leave now. Before he gets a chance to do it again. Obviously he is working one hell of a number on you mentally, because you are here trying to justify his actions. And I can tell that deep down you know damn well this isn't ok.
Right now, in memphis tennessee, there is a big trial going on downtown. Its all over the news down here. Its of a young woman who's husband read a text message on her cell phone one night, didn't like what the text said, and beat her to death... What's this got to do with you? Her girlfriends and co workers are testifying that early in their relationship, he started with a slap, and a shove. And, a few years later, it had gotten worse. Black eyes, bruises all over her body that she tried to hide. And sadly, one night, he beat her to death...over a text message...
Leave before you end up like this.
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A
female
reader, Alfi  +, writes (18 January 2009):
 No He still should not have slapped you. Violence is never the answer. You were wrong for lying to him and you can see that. Hitting your partner whether male or female is always wrong! i can see what his principle was but that was an irrational thig to do.
Quitting smoking is a big deal i know it is hard and he should be proud that he kept his promise. If i was him i would never have hit you to deal with the situation, all he needed to do was sit down and talk to you about how he felt, you seem to have enough brains to understand and you upset him and you clearly do if you feel this guilty. but he was still wrong...
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A
female
reader, The Doctor +, writes (18 January 2009):
My Dear...this is a no brainer!...kick your heals three times and say there is no place like home! And run!
There is no slapping in baseball!
The Doctor
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A
female
reader, chokiepie +, writes (18 January 2009):
chokiepie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats what he told me too that I shouldn't have lied to him. Well, here's another point why he got so mad -- He used to smoke before and I HATE smokers so I had asked him to promise me not to smoke and he did it. He had to try sooo hard to quit smoking (you know its not easy to quit smoking) but he did try his best to do so only because he had PROMISED me and he was like this is what promise means and I did all this to keep your promise and you give me a promise and you lie to me for something like this. He was like you shouldn't have promised me coz he had done his best to keep his promise. That is what made him mad.
Now, is he still right in slapping me??
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A
female
reader, Cupcakes +, writes (18 January 2009):
Oh my god. He is stupid BOY. Not a man. Forget him. And tell his next girlfeind (if he gets one!) what happended. We all are allowed to tell a white lie. Every now and again. Its natarel. But when a boy slaps you he has no right. Just forget him!!!! Find some one who respects you! Hun you are worth way more then him good luck hun! X
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A
female
reader, chokiepie +, writes (18 January 2009):
chokiepie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThats what he told me too that I shouldn't have lied to him. Well, here's another point why he got so mad -- He used to smoke before and I HATE smokers so I had asked him to promise me not to smoke and he did it. He had to try sooo hard to quit smoking (you know its not easy to quit smoking) but he did try his best to do so only because he had PROMISED me and he was like this is what promise means and I did all this to keep your promise and you give me a promise and you lie to me for something like this. He was like you shouldn't have promised me coz he had done his best to keep his promise. That is what made him mad.
Now, is he still right in slapping me??
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A
female
reader, Alfi +, writes (18 January 2009):
You told a small lie to save your dignity big deal? No. We all get embarrased and do silly things but to slap you was out of line he should never do that! you are right men who hit women are cowards, well done for standing up for yourself! You should seriously reconsider the amount of maturity this guy has. That was a ridiculous thing to lose his temper over.
(i apologise for any spelling mistakes i make [:)
Alfi
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2009): you should not have been embarrassed to tell him the truth cause he's your boyf and would understand but he shouldn't have slapped you.
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