A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I purposed an idea to my boyfriend a couple of days ago. The idea having a threesome with him and his ex. Sounds bizarre, good thing I slept on it and really thought about how it will impact the relationship and everyone involved lives. Question I ask is, What are the consequences of it and will it solve anything?I want to explain the details so everyone can understand what is going on. Been with boyfriend for almost three years. Prior to him being with me he was in an on and off relationship with his for 6 years. From early on he explicated why the relationship did not work. At times I was unsure if he was over her completely. He and her kept a platonic relationship as friends- I did not buy it. From what he told me I thought she still had feelings for her. I felt uncomfortable and got a bad vibe about it. My predictions was correct. A year ago I found out some devastating information. My inner intuition gave me reason to question him and his ex. I found out that he was exchanging explicit emails with her. Explicit meaning talking about sex. I confronted him, turns out he had been talking to her for 4 months like that.He explained that he was not sexually satisfied with me. Instead of talking to me about it he decided to go behind me back knowing it was wrong. Funny b/c he tells me how great of a girlfriend I am. I stayed because I love him he vowed to be honest and loyal to me. That we work on things.What he did though I know is totally wrong.Fast forward now I do not trust him completely. I do not like when he lies to me. He says he wants to build trust again but he continues to lie. I could keep writing and writing about details but I do not want to annoy anyone let me just get to the other information.My b/f said that I am 50% of what he looks for in a woman. That I am loving, supportive, stable, physically healthy and attractive, come from a good family, go-getter who has goals. And that his ex has the other half because she raunchy seductive outspoken and pleases him good. They've had threesomes and done alot of experimenting. And that if could morph us two together it would be the ultimate package.I love him, to me the sex is passionate, the relationship is important to me. Knowing he likes/fantasies about threesomes, I reconsidered in order to satisfy him. I want him to be satisfied, as a woman I think it is important to meet her man's sexually needs. At first I was not into that and never done it. So after considering it for a while and him telling me the thing about his ex recently. I had the crazy suggestion of having a threesome with two women who love him tremendously and who he adores in different ways. I do please him in ways his ex doesn't and she the reverse. I initially thought that having a threesome with his ex and me would the most satisfying pleasurable experience a woman/or partner could give to a man. Letting him have the ying and yang, leading to a balance. Not saying I am agreeing with having a love triangle relationship. I thought it could solve the resentment and anger about them two talking behind me back. I thought it could offer some kind of relief in letting go by satisfying him by making the ultimate sacrifice. After seeking for some advice before actually going ahead I thought about is this actually going to help solve and/or relieve the anger and hurt? I cannot forgive that what he did and she did was acceptable and correct. I feel like if I go ahead I am agreeing or making it seem acceptable okay. Then also his relationship with her was purely sexual, his baggage with her never end if has sex with her. So I feel like he will not get over that relationship if he steps back. Also his ex has feelings for him I know it, so she might me more excited in trying to win him back. All in all I do not like how he compares me to her, it gets annoying, so after it will continue. He is super ecstatic when I mentioned the idea, he was loving saying it would be bring us closer, and that he has no intention in getting back with her/settling with her. He said he loves me deeply and that he feels like he can be himself around me and also feels like he can recover from the hole he dung with me. B/c I do question him a lot, I am only be cautious. Also thought about how it might be good to end it with with because of how it has affected our relationship. I would value you guy's and gals feedback. Thanks
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 December 2012):
 I think your idea is close to insane and to have conceived it,you must have let this guy suck out of you the last speckle of self respect and self esteem you had.
So he thinks you are only 50% of what he looks for in a woman ? fair enough, then I would tell him he is only 50% of a real scumbag so he only gets 50% of the kicks in his butt I reserve to real scumbags, which is ,say, 6. So you administer him 3 powerful,swift kicks in his butt ,in rapid succession on his way to the door, which you close firmly and irrevocably after him once he's out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 December 2012): They were together for six years. Then when he is with you he speaks sexually with her, a possibility of an affair going on. A threesome with you and them would only make things worse, their feelings towards each other would start to flourish once again. I suggest to call it off as soon as possible.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 December 2012):
Great thinking! Your boyfriend doesn't really love you, so the best thing to do is bring another other woman into the picture. That's like saying " Don't cheat on me behind my back, I will go bring a woman home so you can cheat in front of me." AWESOME!!!
If his ex is that good, then he is that bad...because she left him...I wonder why??? Maybe he 50% suck!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): I would go to him and say ..... you know.. you don't satisfy me sexually and you're not even half the man I want a family with, you're not worth having a women like me, I want to be with a real man that will love me as much as I love him, not a man that will try and trash me.I would tell him not to bother to call me because you're wasting your time and I'm not wasting any more of my time with some like you so you and your ex have a good life and I would ended it right there and walk out.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (20 December 2012):
Lets say you got married to this scumbag, so are you still going to have his ex in bed with you all just to please him for sex? Sex isn't everything in a relationship babygirl.
You should go back and read what you wrote, sounds like you're doing everything just to please his rotten A$$ and he doesn't give a hoop about you because if he did you wouldn't be writing this.
Sometimes we have a good heart but a weak mind because reading your post any man will have you doing exactly what he want you to do.
Anytime you can't feel love from a man then it's time to walk and as a matter of fact you should have walked when he said you are only 50% of what he look for in a woman. Babygirl, never let a man belittle you like that and never never go beyound your boundary for no man.
I fly off the handle when I hear about how women let scumbags treat them this way. Whatever you do babygirl please do not have a threesome with him and his ex, do not stoop that low just to please him sexually.
If you went to him and told him you want to have a threesome with your ex he would leave you with the quickness.
I would dump him without an explaination, change my number and cut all contacts and better yet I wouldn't changed my number, I just wouldn't answer his calls, this way you will show him that you are a much better woman than that, it's better to show him than to tell him.
This is the type of man I need to meet because once I get done with him he would be the best family man you ever met.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2012): Threesum can be a fun thing but one of the bigest things is it can't be with sombody who cares about eather of you two or vise versa the third person has to be just a play thing and must stay that way. Allso you need to be into the third person as well. As far as trust you need to stop questioning him so often unless he has sense given you other reasons to do so.
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A
female
reader, Zaaleena +, writes (19 December 2012):
What an absolute joke of a man. The second you read this I would pick up my bag and run for the hills.
From all the qualities you've mentioned, you honey deserve SO much more than this.
Tell his ex she's welcome to the waster!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Wow, you must be the biggest sucker I've ever seen on this site and I include women who were beaten by their exes and kept going back in that.
A threesome with the woman he is cheating on you with, yes OP, cheating emotionally on you is the worst idea I've ever heard.
You're a lost cause sorry, I've never met a woman who would ever stay with a man who told her she's only half a woman and shit in bed so he needs to cheat on her with his ex because she's not good enough.
Good luck in life OP, this guy is an unbelievable douche and you're one of the most foolish women I've ever heard about.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (19 December 2012):
He is playing you like a harp from hell.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012):
If you go through with this your going to end up with egg all over your face..
Threesomes are not just about sex.. There is super charged emotion going on.. One man cannot pay attention all the time to two women.. So one women waits likes a idiot while her man gets to bonk another women .. Right I front of her face.. Or they may exclude you all together and focus solely on each other.. Have you really really really thought this through??
He's a donkey ass, and at that I'm insulting the donkey.. How dare he make you feel your not worthy enough.. How dare he make you feel your not sexy or seductive enough.. Your young.. Experience of teasing and seduction comes with age..
If I was your family, id give you a cuddle and say leave him, come home, go out clubbing meet someone new who does love just you..
You don't need him.. Walk away..
Lets his ex have him, because sweetie he's no prize..
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A
male
reader, nudist1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
the description you give in your qualities of your self, are enough to make a man happy. You are young and have time to meet someyone whom would make you happy. I'm older , and I still like to do different things sexually, it keeps it interesting. So younger couples should do the same. He says that you can't satisfy him alone ? He just wants his cake and eat it too !. he should be trying things and experimenting on things he likes with you alone. And just things that your comfortable with. So I'm like a lot of the rest of the people that responded with, dump him !! Threesomes - only with someone that its your fantasy for your sexual interest.
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A
male
reader, mr.goodguy +, writes (19 December 2012):
 this guy is an absolutel scum bag you need to leave him ASAP !!!!stop thinking of doing things to please him.He does not love you.he's not in love with you I'm telling you I'm an attractive guy and I've dated lots of women ..and been around players no one who wants a three way actually loves you he wants sex and only sex!!please if u love yourself move on!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): Your relationship is over, his mere acceptance for a threesome with an ex he is having an emmotional affair tells you where you stand. I know and undertsand you love him and want to hold onto him but he is not over the ex and you are a rebound. He will eventually leave you for her. Just dont let a threesome be a point when he decides he wants the ex back. You will be devastated and feel humiliated. Walkaway from this relationship.
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A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (19 December 2012):
 This guy is all talk and rubbish talk. A threesome is a horrible idea. The whole time you will be competing with her and comparing. It will stir emotions greater. How do you trust a guy after what he did with her? Wise up and wake up.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 I'd just break up with him. Why be with a man who isn't 100% in love with you?
The rest is just mental gymnastics on how to manage his level of unhappiness by sacrificing your principles. It will also add a whole new area of worry.
End it.
A year from now, you'll wonder why you ever put up with him.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): I cannot believe my eyes to be reading such a story. You sound like a good enough person, though if you were the most evil person in the world I would say you deserve better. The love you have for him is accidental and not real. He is not the person you love, he is someone else and is absolute scum.
You show that you have a lot of heart, but please don't waste it on the scum of the earth. It may seem painful - but it won't be as bad as the pain you've been in all along.
-Dave
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (19 December 2012):
 I am shocked at how low your boyfriend has managed to stoop and at the fact that your self esteem is actually lower than rock bottom! What is wrong with you? Read what you've written! This man cheated on you, continues to cheat on you, compares you to his ex, has a list of pros and cons for you, feels you are only 50% fit for him and then has the audacity to say that his ex was better! And you still havent kicked him to the curb! WHY??
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A
female
reader, Staceily +, writes (19 December 2012):
 This guy is truly just awful. He insults you by saying you aren't enough for him and his ex was better at sex, if only the two of you could mold together... And he also cheats by talking to her sexually behind your back. I can understand to some degree what you are saying when you say you wish to make him happy 100% sexually and everything with you but this is too far. You would be saying it was okay what he wants with her.You would be opening up a door you don't want to open, you think him sexting her was bad? Wait til you watch him have sex with her. No, no, no. Awful idea that could not ever in anyway turn out good. The only benefit you speak of is to make him happy and a hope that this would make you feel better about him cheating. It won't make you feel better. You need to dump him completely because he cheated on you and because he doesn't find you to be enough to make him happy. Let him have his ex or whoever else he wants and meet someone who loves you and everything about you. He's an ass.
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