A
female
age
30-35,
*keez
writes:Hello to everyone that responds to my question. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. The relationship started out ok, and its been alright since. I enjoy his company sometimes, but half of the time he mentally exhausts me. Once upon a time he used to be concerned about how i felt and surprised me with little thoughtful gifts etc, now he couldnt give a damn. Hes very self centered, thinks of himself almost all of the time now. Im at University and im having some trouble with Student finance and have been living very tight on money recently. Im stressed out a lot, and he just doesnt help me feel better. If i talk to him about why things are difficult, he just seems really uninterested and changes the subject, usually about what im getting him for christmas. I cant voice my opinion with him becuase he will always argue against it and I always have to been proven wrong. Whenever I ask him a question about something that he thinks shouldnt be asked hell talk to me as if im the most stupid person on the street. He tries to control how i should live. Complains that I need new clothes but he doesnt seem to understand that i cant afford it. He pulls the 'i havent got money to eat' so i have to buy him something, becuase i dont want him to go hungry. I try to talk to him about how i feel about him treating me the way he does, but once again he has to turn it around on me and seem as though its my fault i feel this way.Sorry im on a huge rant about this, but he mentally and physically drains me. I recently found he had offered his number out to a girl back home asking if she wanted to meet up. Hes sent flirty texts to one of his friends before and I went berserk at him for that. Hes only just moved down to where i live and is now asking about livig together in my second year, and im really not sure. What do you guys think i should say to him about everything hes doing? There must be something I havent done that will make him listen to me.Thanks
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female
reader, PERSISTANCE  +, writes (15 January 2015):
Hi I know how you feel. Men like ours need to make woman think they are crazy because they hate themselves & when you display strengths they don't posses it reminds them of their weakness , this makes them act out. Men run on anxiety/ testosterone & must have tact to deal with their emotions which MUST be taught from a young age or it never develops , instead the male develops skills to get around "woman's problems". I see no future with this man, stop dating men you think you deserve & date men who you know you deserve. There's a lot of great men who would make you very happy & vice versa. ;-).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2009): Have Respect for yourself first. If you don't respect yourself, noone will. You should not be supporting an asshole who is not interested in your problems.I know its hard to accept this, you think noone else will love you or make love to you like he does. But, there will be one who will. If you let guys know you are a DOORMAT, they will step on you! They see this as a weakness and will never respect you.As cliche as it may sound, I read a great book "Why Men Marry Bitches". Its a great book, it teaches you how that asshole will never marry and support you because he doesn't respect you. And why he doesn't respect you?? Because you allowed all those things to happen to you in the first place. You are not a Victim, you let all this happen to you. Read the book, change and good luck with the next guy.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y +, writes (26 November 2009):
 And you are still with this pea-brain because........?
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A
female
reader, puppylove101  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 I say if he doesn't respect you or your thoughts after you and him talked about this, tell him, "Hun, you and I are over" then walk out and never think of him again. You deserve a man who loves you and ONLY you. I can tell this guy is a player and they are not loyal. Been there, done that, don't want to go back there again. Dump his butt right now.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (26 November 2009):
 It's not your responsibility to make someone change and start acting right. He is a grown man and knows full well what he's doing...which is bleeding you dry. He's a parasite and you need to start standing up for yourself and stop him from sucking all the life out of you.
The next time he says he's hungry, ask him what he's going to eat. Don't even pretend you're going to fix him something.
The next time he complains about your clothes, ask him what he's going to do about it. If he says nothing, tell him to do something or mind his own business.
The jist of this is that you put it back on him to take responsibility for himself. He knows now that if he moans and groans enough you will take care of him. Stop that right now and make him show you that he is man enough to be with you. If he can't, there is a man right around the corner waiting to take his place! You never need to wait around and cater to some lump that makes you feel bad about yourself.
Good luck.
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A
male
reader, charlie p +, writes (26 November 2009):
Agreed. Also, as a recent student, my advice is don't ever move in with u your partner regardless of how well/badly it's going. if you break up you cant move out, you're stuck and will see them bringing girls/guys home and it will be unbearable. Also tell this guy how you feel, but be ready to walk if he does his 'blame you' thing.
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A
female
reader, bitch +, writes (26 November 2009):
A companion should not drain your energy from you or exhaust you, they should energize you and make you feel alive. Maybe this is not a good match. That is all, nothing to be upset about just maybe you should consider ending this relationship instead of moving forward with it. I feel bad for you because you should be very happy and not drained. It is ok if you are thinking of ending this, it might be the best thing for you both in the long run.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (26 November 2009):
Well I'm glad you've had your rant, because it's said all I need to know about him. There is nothing that will make him change. He is an ass, and that't it. I know I'm being blunt, but I need you to understand that he is a controlling manipulative vile man. Look at what you've written. He's given his number to another girl asking her to meet, he looks at you like you're stupid, he's self centred, he doesn't listen, he won't let you speak your mnd without arguing and making you feel like you're wrong, he moans about your clothes, and to top it all off, he makes you buy him food. I really admire your loyalty, and you sound like a wonderful young lady who deserves so much better than him. Take it from me, a male, that he won't change. You can do better, so get away from him, focus on your own life and do better. Please don't waste it on this guy. He doesn't care, he won't listen or change, and you can do better. Get away from him and live your own life
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