A
female
age
36-40,
*taunton5410
writes:My boyfriend said, that like any guy, a part of him wants to have a threesome, But he doesnt really want to do anything to the other girl, just me. Well Of course I made a really wierd face because I didnt know that he had thought of having a threesome with me and someone else. But then he kept saying that he thinks it was just a fantasy because he couldnt see himself really going through with it. I asked him is it because you want another girl to do stuff for you. He said "well I dont think that I would mind if she did stuff to you like go down on you but I would probably get upset if she kissed you", Then he asked me if I would get mad if she went down on him. I was like "WHAT?" I couldnt believe it, I felt like he was asking me for permission to let another girl give him head. He said that it came out wrong and he made a mistake but for some reason I feel that he really wants to have a threesome and have another girl do stuff with him. I need some big help on this, am I overreacting? Should I be worried that he said something like that? and should I be worried that he even brought up the subject of having a threesome? I am really scared right now because I feel like i am not enough and he needs someone else. When I kept trying to talk to him about it. he said that I was making him uncomfortable and i was interogating him. He also said that I just kept pursuing the conversation and wouldnt give him his space, which also made me wonder because I thought I should be upset with him, not him upset with me for getting upset, it just doesnt seem fair.
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male
reader, Andy00  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I would say in some ways you ARE overreacting , and in other ways you're not.
On the one hand, yes, he fantasizes about having a threesome, but he has already admitted that part of him would be uncomfortable with it. Also, atleast he asked about your feelings about, e.g. The idea of another girl going down on him, and would you be comfortable. Isn't that better than, say; you went ahead and had a threesome, and another girl sucked him off and he didn't consder how you felt about it at all?
To me, he was comfortably sharing his fantasy with you. He loves you enough to talk about them with you openly. You are clearly not on board with the idea, and for the same kind of reasons, so is he.
It's something that isn't going to happen. Keep focusing on that fact, and you will find it easier to get over.
A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Yeah, it's a fantasy of most guys. He asked. You said no. What you need to do now is drop it. The only thing left to say is that you don't want him bringing it up again because it's going to cause mis-trust issues for you. If he's smart and he cares about you, he'll shut up about it and keep it as just that - a fantasy. Because in reality, they never work out as well as we think they will be anyhow. And a threesome is best done with two women you have no feelings for.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I would definitely say you aren't overreacting. I'd be crushed if this happened to me. I'll bet he IS feeling uncomfortable after seeing your reaction. Trying to turn the tables on you was pretty lame too. I think lots of guys have this fantasy and most have the brains to keep it to themselves. Don't let this hurt your self-esteem if you can help it. He just had a lapse of judgement. Drop the subject and try to put it out of your mind. I blame the internet for this, it looks like everyone is having fun on the porn sites but in the harsh light of day these things end up causing so much pain and should be kept in fantasyland.
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Let it go. Fantasy isn't reality. If you trust him not to cheat on you, then don't worry. Lots of guys have fantasies, and it doesn't mean that you aren't enough.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): He is just a baby. He has upset you because he is immature and has not found where safe boundaries are. If you did that thing your relationship could be broken appart. My partner and I share fantasies and when we talk about them it is as if it is real. But there is no way either of us would actually do it and we know that because we value each other too much to put our relationship at risk. Tell him you have a fantasy about a threesome as well, only another guy with a huge cock. That will shut him up! Probably.
You are both young, perhaps too young to settle down just yet. Don't panic though these things will become clear in time. You could say that he has said something very important which you don't like and you would like some time appart to think over your feelings. If it were me I would breath a huge sigh of relief to get away and have some fun away from all this heavy sleazy ribbish that he has so selfishly put on you - but then he is young and probably a bit clumsy. He has discovered the world of sex, which is exciting and it can be difficult to not want to explore at his age.
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